Mental Health Thread • Page 111

I'm really sorry that you're stuck in such a limbo. I don't have any words I can really give on the situation, having not been in your predicament, but we're all here for you if you need to vent.

 

It sucks that jobs can be so frustrating and feel like we never fit where we're supposed to. Hopefully with more time it'll get better, or possibly it'll give you more experience to either move somewhere else within or open up other better opportunities elsewhere.

 

I can already feel the Cymbalta working. I feel like a normal person, atm.

 

I've been so out of wack. I get home from work, thankfully have the motivation to at least make dinner, and then as soon as I'm done eating I fall asleep. Today I willed myself to get up to have a glass of water and wash my face when I woke back up but it's throwing me off. I feel like I don't have a life cause I'm so tired. Then I fall asleep without washing my face and I feel so gross, I don't take my birth control cause I sleep through when I'm supposed to take it, I haven't been cleaning up my house, etc. My self care and routine is out the window. I threw it off myself with getting home from that concert at like 2:15 AM and then going to work a few hours later, but I think stress is what is keeping it going. Just one more month and summer vacay is here for me. Maybe it's spring fever idk! I just need my life! Right now it just feels like work and sleep. I can't even veg out with Netflix or internet junk cause I just sleep.

 

my music has given me a huge huge huge way to distract myself this past week, working on my EP non stop for the last few days has really taken my mind off how shitty it can be constantly wanting to die and being worried about every little thing. im gonna put out EPs as frequently as possible for as long as i live if it stops me from going crazy

 

If a friend who means a lot to you is bad at responding to messages in a way that's negatively affecting your mental health, should you let go? This has been going on for like a year now, and I've only known her for two. I used to have a crush on her, but now I'm not sure. I feel like we've gotten really close though despite everything, so I don't want to just suddenly cut her out of my life, but I'm just so emotionally exhausted.

 

I'd so say. Or at least let go of expectations. Most things aren't worth being emotionally exhausted over - you deserve to be happy.

 

Maybe don't let go completely, but don't spend as much energy on this friend. If they don't put in as much energy/effort as you do it's not fair.

 

yeah, it might be better for you to stop initiating conversation. i know how this feels. i've had this happen to me so many times. if a friendship is so one sided, then they don't deserve the time or effort anymore.

 

speaking as someone who's very bad at responding to messages, she might just be bad at putting in effort into textual communication. Maybe ask her to hang out or call her and/or find other ways of maintaining closeness? Of course this is assuming y'all are irl friends

 

My brother and I have been texting a lot the past few days and neither one of us knew just how bad the other had it all these years. It's like this has opened a whole new level of conversation for us. He remembers things I don't and vice versa. We are finally talking about our parents, how they were really good parents but man they shouldn't have drank so fucking much, and that it's okay to have those issues with them even if otherwise our childhood was pretty good. How it's affected us throughout our lives. How our mental illness has manifested and how we've coped.

I don't have a word for how it makes me feel. Relieved? Lightened? That I'm no longer alone in dealing with all my shit? I don't know.

 

Can you recommend any particular fish oil supplements?

 

All the hard work as of late, especially the last few months is finally starting to pay off and I'm seeing the literal lights at the end of the tunnel in my everyday life and while I may have just survived that dark period (once again) these greener pastures are so fresh and beautiful and I'm glad I didn't check out like I wanted to years ago.

 

Honestly, you're gonna want to check more into it online because I know you're not really supposed to just settle for the cheap stuff out there, but that's kinda what I do, but I would notice good effects taking like 10 a day. I read where you can take like 20 grams a day with no ill effects and there were a few cases of severe brain injuries in which something like that was used daily and helped rehabilitate those that were injured. I look at depression as an affliction to the brain too and have noticed even the store brand products helping me.

 

Super awkward when someone is talking about something you've suffered from, not knowing that you have, and making weird generalizations. Like dividing into "real" and "fake" sufferers when they've never dealt with it themselves, at least to my knowledge (and by their comments it seems like they havent). But continue telling me how all "real" sufferers feel and think and act, and create this weird divide of those worthy of our sympathy. Smh.

 

My sister and mother are like this. My sister will even use depression as a manipulative tool so it's always one of those "Yall got a lot to say for a bunch of ignorant, hypocritical people." It use to really bring me down HARD, cus all I ever really wanted/needed to sort through my own struggles was that support and at least attempt to understand; shit at least even if not that an appreciation of they don't.
Never did get that, 29 years of that and it took the turned corner with my fiancée and making our life finally happen for us together and getting that support was I able to finally just hit that bullshit they get on with a side eye and shrug it off.
They still are a very negative influence/voice and at times try to sabotage, meanwhile justifying it thinking they feel owed or went through something similar to what I call them out for so whatever I say doesn't matter.

Long story short, fuck the gaslighting and gaslighters.

 

Speaking of sabotage, I continuously get texts at work from family about things owed to them. Today it was how I owe my mother 2k for school loans, like she didn't go back to school on that exact loan (which was why she had to pay it cus it was in her name, not mine - she earned more when I was going in and out of making money with my mental health issues).
I find myself happy as can be in many aspect, feeling the best version of me being green lighted and empowered but at the same time I see them trying me and I'm like "Do you all really think attempted sabotage will do anything EVEN IF YOUR ATTEMPTS WORK but push me away even more?" Esp considering to this day me and my lady are still as stand up as possible - they do the same to my bro and his girl too.

I wrote a poem where I addressed my Mom a few weeks back.... lemme quote it really fast cus it speaks to my exact feels on the situation:

you were loving, forward thinking, embraced others than you
but something changed in the mid to late 90s and you know that its true
watched the change as the rain came, watched you sink in the dark
watched you blame anything but as it tore you apart
watched you deny blame cus pride came, watched you make everyone pay
no taxation without representation, fuck the debts to repay
you want payment for respect, you want money for fears
meanwhile your paranoia causes rifts, fights, and brings my girl to tears
compensating for your bullshit for a life time and now shes paying your tolls
and you cant even have the common decency as a person to be stand up, grew up waiting for the fold
blame anyone but, "SOMEONE. THE ASSHOLES ARE COMING"
paul revere ass skitzo, you’re the one running
and i’m the one fighting, and you’re the one fleeing
you’re the one hiding your eyes while preaching you don’t see the meaning
dont speak on my girl, relationship or goals without some fucking respect
you’re my Mom, I hate having to do this to blood but I’ll come at your neck

It hurts even having to check my Mom on things you'd think most parents would just be happy to see their kids happy on. But my life never had that normal scale, so survive regardless.

 

I'm in a place where I just don't feel like I belong anywhere and I just want to disappear, I'm tried of the hurt.

 

I am an uptight person and I know this and I have mixed feelings about it but when I'm around intoxicated people idk. Like I don't care what people do but then I guess I do care? I have a lot of addicts in my family and I dated one for a long time and I think sometimes when people are drunk or high, like enough so that they can't look after themselves, I get this wall up and i feel super uncomfortable and small. And then I think they interpret my discomfort as me being judgemental and then they get upset at me for being patronizing and then I get upset because I am insecure about being uptight and it makes me feel like a loser. I know I have my own issues with past experiences that I shouldn't project on ppl, but once that wall comes up it's just all over. I get this weird defensive feeling that I think has to do with my mom when she was in the peak of her partying days when I was a teen, and when ppl are intoxicated it reminds me and triggers really ugly feelings in me that I don't like to feel.


Idek why I'm rambling I just feel anxious. When I wake up I'm gonna be like omg I was in a weird mood why did I post that

 

I find myself bouncing between saddened it'll taken being cold to my Mother to branch out and the fact she's totally burned those bridges both me and my girl has tried to make towards her.
3 more weeks till I can just go to blows with that whole spectrum of feelings and be done with all the nonsense for good and have it all on me and us. so ready.

 

theres a weird spectrum of power I find myself dwelling in atm knowing a few months ago I was willing to pull the trigger to check out vs. now where I know I'm moments away from all I want and neither made me fear.
iunno how else to describe it, first time I been here. every other time it was lopsided one way or the other.

 

Somehow powered through Easter. My dad was awful earlier in the day and I felt pretty overwhelmed. I ended up crying then took my dog for a walk like three times to get through the day lol. But, I made it. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It's 10:20pm now and I'm spending the rest of the night with my boyfriend; relieved that the first huge family day is over.

 

everything needs to just fuck off already. my life is awful and i'm not happy. i hate being in pain, it makes me anxious. and i'm very tired, and very bored.

idk what i'd do without video games. they're pretty much my therapy.

 

On Friday me and a friend were supposed to go to the city and see a show, and then stay the night and hang out. Hotel reserved and everything. The day before, she told me she couldn't go cause she had a kidney infection. I know she has a kidney infection, but I think she severely exaggerated the pain cause she didn't feel like going anymore. It sucked to come home last night and she was drunk and high and had partied and hooked up with someone even tho she supposedly was in too much pain to make our plans. I still got to go with another friend and it ended up fine, but my feelings are hurt because I was looking forward to going specifically with her and catching up. Now I feel like I've been ditched for a hook up and i feel so sucky I just don't even wanna bother with people anymore

 

it's tough because you don't want to lose friends for petty reasons, not saying you're being petty but I know it can feel petty, but you also don't deserve to feel shitty