Mental Health Thread • Page 110

Switching my major to music/audio production four years ago may have been one of the worst decisions I have ever made in my life. It was great when I still went to community college from 2013-2015, but since the fall of 2015 I've absolutely loathed school so fucking much. Wasted one semester at music school and realized I was so behind the curve in the theory/ensemble aspect of it all that I transferred out to my second school of choice which has been so underwhelming and the Philly commute takes so much out of me that I'm just fucking done with life most days. All I want to do is drop the fuck out. I have zero motivation for school anymore, let alone waking up anymore

 

@sophos34

 

That's incredibly inspiring

 

I thought it might help since you're feeling so anxious and shitty right now.

 

I had a therapy session today after 2 weeks off due to surgery and I really needed it. My therapist said flat out that I have to stop worrying about things because it's not freaking healthy, heh. I've been worrying like crazy the last few days, partly because I'm still fragile as fuck from surgery, partly because I still need to get my insurance to reimburse me for that surgery, and partly because of my brother.

I'm not sure if he gets out today or tomorrow. I texted him something earlier that basically said "don't know when you'll read this, but I love you more than you'll ever know, and also I have walked this path for a long, long time (mental illness + self-medicating/alcoholism) and I am always here to be sober buddy or just to listen." That's pretty much all I can do from here. Related: There is a slew of codependent behavior I have with my parents, and this brings up so much of it.

 

I came the closest I've ever came to committing suicide today.

 

It really does. Makes me think anything is possible. Doing heroin isn't even a possibility for me right now due to vivitrol and I'm gonna be on it for at least a year. I just keep dabbling in other stuff. Some serious but mostly nothing I'm going to get hooked on but I'm gonna stop all substances for at least a month soon. Besides weed...I love my weed which I just gave up for s while but came back and wow my tolerance is donwn af. There's just a lot of different kinds of uppers right here and those things have horrible horrible horrible crashes matter where from especially if you could cop

 

How are you feeling now? My inbox is open if you need some support.

 

I want to decrease my use of antidepressants, I have to to talk about it with my therapist

 

That went very well. And I've been taking my anxiety med completely wrong so that's why it doesn't work lol. But he put me on Wellbutrin and we had a good convo about the other stuff I've been using. I really really like this guy. See him again in two weeks when I get my next vivitrol shot

 

I pushed and pushed to get this new role at my work and now, a month in, I feel like it's largely not for me and that I don't like it. And now I just wonder if there's any job that I would like. Feel like I'm failing pretty miserably at the moment.

 

The good thing is that at least you tried it so you now you know how you feel about it and can try and find something you do like! If you hadn't have pushed and taken the chance you might have always wondered, but now you know and can form a gameplan. I think sometimes finding out what you want to do is just process of elimination lol

 

I believe sometimes you just need to be told how wonderful you are. It's not hard to love and be kind to each other so I don't know what the human race uses as an excuse for being so goddamn shitty.

 

Feels weird to "like" this, but that's my way of saying I feel/have felt this way too.

 

Well I don't like wellbutrin so far but I've heard it takes a few weeks to really work rn it's just making me agitated

 

Took me a while to adjust to it. Don't know if you smoke cigarettes, but it's also used as a smoking cessation aid under a different name.

 

greed and selfishness. putting yourself first and not wanting to admit you're wrong. feeling too ashamed to admit you don't know something.

 

nah i dont but my dad tried it to quit smoking once and it gave him hives

 

welp, glad I never had that side effect

 

it didnt happen til two weeks in so im hoping it doesnt happen to me because a few weeks is when its supposed to start really helping depression. until then im hoping it at least helps my energy problem

 

Yeah, I know. But it's in an industry that I really want to work in, but so far the only job that I've really loved has the worst hours and I don't like the hours enough that I don't want to be in that position.

 

I'm doing a lot better now, comparatively. Thank you for your kindness, though - it's greatly appreciated. :)

 

I think the only thing worse then actual divorce, is the strange limbo I'm in now where I can see all the signs, but neither her or I flat out said "we should get a divorce." I don't know how long this limbo will last, but it's emotionally draining. I'm constantly on edge, and I just feel like I'm going to have a mental break down every night.

 

I'm having the worst week I've had in a LONG time. I'm struggling not to cry and freak out and just go home. Everything sucks, I'm in pain, I'm sick, and I can't deal with all of this shit.

 

Alright I'm really feeling the stimulating effect of Wellbutrin today. This is gonna be huge for keeping me going and getting me up and going. Hope it eventually helps the depression as well