Mental Health Thread • Page 108

I'm really not liking how guanfacine makes me feel so far

 

I'm here for you sounds just like my parents. I'm sorry you have to deal with it too

 

hey fam always remember

 

I have been posting in here too much lately. Which like yay supportive thread, but it indicates where I am mentally which isn't great. I'm tired of being the cynic, debbie downer, and the deadpan one. I hate that I don't know if that's just my personality or the depression or a mix of both. I always thought it was just my personality, but my absolute lack of enthusiasm for almost anything is probably not normal and probably is annoying and a negative energy to those around me. Music and makeup and horror movies are pretty much the only thing that pulls any degree of energy from me. irl I think I give off this too cool for school vibe where I seem above it all, but in reality I just feel negatively towards so many things and it's like unstoppable and I can't stop myself from vocalizing it. I just get this overwhelming and uncontrollable need to be negative and bring things down.


This is basically an entirely too long paragraph saying that I see the cup half empty lol.

 

And ugh, the way they talk about it. I finally have something going on in my life, and they have the nerve to say to me, "If you talk to any relatives about what you do, don't tell them it's unpaid unless they ask." Like I bring such dishonor to my Asian family, like I'm such a fucking shameful disappointment of a son to take an unpaid internship at a non-profit organization that does something I believe in, gaining experience that's close to what I actually want to do with my life. I should've known better than to think that anything was going to change.

It feels good to know that other people can relate to my shitty situation haha

 

My dad isn't abusive very often but when he is, I just fall apart. It's terrifying and I feel so helpless. I freeze when something happens then go to my room and cry about feeling trapped and horrible. I don't feel comfortable saying more. It's an awful situation and I can't get out of here right now

 

I know EXACTLY how you feel as far as the don't let your relatives know it's unpaid. My parents were very ashamed of me waitressing before I landed my current job. It's hard but I had to get to the point where I was like I'm up and active and not wallowing in my misery anymore. It's about me and not about those other people. Like I said it took me a LONG TIME to kind of get there. It is the hardest thing I've had to deal with, with your parents being ashamed of your job and shit. You'll kickass as soon as you get good and into the job and don't feel so new at it. We're here for you and you'll succeed. ❤ Keep trying to tell yourself that over and over.

 

My brother has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I also found out he was drinking pretty heavily on his antidepressants before this last ...breakdown? ask for help? whatever we want to call it. He's got a lot to work through here but I want to blurt out "is one of the reasons staying sober is hard for you because our parents love drinking?" Like I know I am the one who chooses to have that first drink but it was always so much harder saying no when I was home with them, and he and I are so much alike that it'd be weird if it wasn't so funny.

 

I hate that when I look in the mirror, what I see is the way I look in all the horrible unflattering photos I've ever taken. Which I know isn't reality but all I see are the flaws magnified and I have like no accurate perception of what I look like. Once in a blue moon I'll take a good photo and wonder if that's really how I look. Or sometimes I will think I look good in person so I take a photo and it looks awful and then im convinced that's what I really look like. Idk. I shouldn't put so much stock in it but I have a big pimple on my chin rn and that always crashes my self-esteem

Basically cameras should be destroyed .

 

Obligatory Christina Aguilera Beautiful reference

And my inability to take pictures is one of my many Chandler qualities, I don't think I've ever liked one of myself

 

I'm also a Chandler Bing. And even if I do find a pic I like I tend to zoom in and over-analyze it until I hate it.

 

I take a picture and immediately delete it. I just hate every picture of me ever.

 

I've been in a terrible mood today so when I was driving back from my uncle house tonight. I decided to just put this song on repeat and scream it loud as I can.

I might be sick and my throat might be killing me but gosh that made me feel so much better:

 

My mom has pulled up old pictures of me to tell me how much weight I've gained HAHAHA

I don't give a fuck about photos. I make faces when my picture is taken at school events.

I don't think I've ever liked what I see in the mirror, though.

Ever.

 

My depression is getting worse at this point. I feel like I have no one to talk to and no one that will understand what I'm going through. On top of that I feel like my "friends" don't care about me. They don't care enough to invite me out. Like they only really hit me up if they need something or it's someones birthday and then thats the only time I'm invited out. Stupid me always usually goes out then and I need to stop. If I move out of state, I don't think I'm going to tell anyone, because like why would they even care? Obviously don't care about me right now. And I don't want to hear "i'm hear for you" later on.

 

I'm so sorry you feel ignored like that. I've been through it so many times, and sometimes, it just doesn't worth telling your friends how you really feel because you fear getting mocked at or having your struggles dismissed... It's complicated and very taxing emotionally. I truly hope you'll get better, I know you can do it

 

I'm in a situation where things aren't going to get better and I kinda need my friends the most rn, but no one is there for me.

 

I am the king of making terrible decisions, and I'm not sure if me thinking I'm a shitty person is a product of depression or if I'm really just a shitty person.

My therapist is out for two weeks too because of Spring break. I was doing pretty good for the past few months too.

 

I went through something similar, but I will tell you that your friends care more than you think. And if that's not enough, everyone here cares about you. I speak for a lot of us when I say that our PM inboxes are wide open. If you need anything at all, just know that there is an entire thread here for you. You're amazing.

 

I'm not posting the details rn about what I'm going through bc it's hard to even talk about it. So it's hard to tell how many people can actually relate. Eventually I'll post about it when the time comes.

My friends dont care about me that much. They don't even talk to me unless they really need something. No "how is everything". I haven't seen them in almost a year. I know eventually when the worst comes they'll probably start talking to me...or not. Which I don't need. I don't need people to start to care about me when they don't even bother to begin with. But people on here seem to always be open to anyone and willing to listen.

 

You deserve the best people in your life possible.

 

Too bad it's hard to find the best peole :/

 

okay so hahahaha at getting to bear the entire fucking weight of somebody's life I'm fucking done

life is a big dumb joke & family is an even bigger joke & friendship is the biggest joke of them all

I want to hurt something fuck

 

I'm trying to be a good wife but my husband has depression, doesn't want to tell anyone about it at all, or get meds, tho he is getting some kind of therapy atm.

I've had depression before so I know from my experience what it's like. It's totally different when you're watching someone else go through it. Anyone got any pearls of wisdom? I feel bad that I get annoyed about things.

 

My dad very recently had a stroke and tomorrow I'm about to start a new placement working on a stroke ward. I've told everyone I can cope but really I have no idea.