Mental Health Thread • Page 107

thanks bubs, i appreciate this tons.

i gotta chill out.

 

Yyyyup leave it to my parents to tear me back down again. Because the one thing I need after feeling good about getting my internship is to be told I need to try harder than I already am to lose weight.

 

I get it. I'm sick of people saying to me that I should help myself instead of trying to be altruistic. That's none of their business. I'm able to juggle all of those things, so don't judge me right ? People are weird.

 

I think I get what you're talking about and I'm so sorry you feel ignored and dismissed. I wish people were more empathetic and understanding of others' struggles etc. It's not that hard to make a good apology once you've done something bad you know ? Maybe I'm too naive...

 

And once again, I thank you for helping me become a better person. You're one of the users I cherish the most due to your contributions over the years.

 

Found out yesterday that my grandma (mom's mom) passed away. She was 88 and in a nursing home but it still hurts. After my aunt passing in December and my mom's in and outs of the hospital I'm just so exhausted. I need a hug, a break, and a job. In that order. Just trying to keep myself busy so I don't think about everything.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you love and hugs

 

I'm so sorry. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

 

tw for talk of suicide
for a while now I had kind of resigned to the fact that I would kill myself one day. I looked to my future and saw nothing. In therapy today I realized that I don't feel that way anymore. I just burst into tears talking about how for the first time in a long time I feel like a do have a future, and who knows it might even be good. Even my therapist was just like "wow, that's really powerful."
I feel like I've done a lot of growing and healing over the past two months. Feeling optimistic that it will continue.

 

My brother voluntarily committed himself today. He's been on antidepressants for a few months now, got a therapist, had quit drinking too, and we thought he was steadily improving...he's not. He didn't have a plan yet but was still extremely suicidal. My mom doesn't quite understand how depression works, so I had to explain to her how despite him knowing he has a great job/wife/dog/etc, it doesn't fix the depression and the feelings of worthlessness. That in fact that usually makes it even worse, because what the F is wrong with you that you have all that going for you and you feel like this. They took his phone but my parents are going to visit him tomorrow.

I'm so glad he's getting help. God I just want him to feel better, I love that damn kid so much. Heh. Kid. He's 30. But he'll always be my little brother.

 

So this past month has been a roller coaster mentally, it's really my first full month being single in 7 years, tons of turmoil with my parents deciding to get a divorce and then just recently deciding to reconcile and try again. I've had a lot of fun but have gotten very little/I restful sleep, I've been drinking a lot and eating like total shit. So I finally got back home on Sunday and decided to try out a new diet. I'm on my 2nd day today and already feel a good bit better. More energy, less brain fog/dwelling on things. I'm definitely going to try and keep this up.

I'm still going to start therapy again and see about maybe trying different medication, but I feel like this is a good start.

 

I'm getting better at standing up for myself. I think it was gradual and I just started noticing. I'm just tired of being unhappy. I've been unhappy at work and finally said something and it unloaded a lot of stress, even if I didn't address everything. I get scared of how people will react. Like they'll hate me or something but nobody has so far. Maybe they're talking about me idk I guess it's whatever. I'm just like tired of complaining about every aspect of my life and it never changing. Even if they're small changes.

 

I'm...in a weird situation. Can't really say much. Lots going on. Some days I feel good others I feel horrible. Ugh. Just want my mood and my life to stable out.

 

Lol my mood crashed fast. I hate that I can't answer unknown numbers in fear that its my ex. It was my old childhood bff's mom wanting me to know that my old friend is pregnant and having a baby shower and really wants me to be there. Its a call I'd like to have taken and not heard in a voicemail. But I also don't wanna go thru changing my number and have to think about why anytime someone were to ask me about it. So it is what it is I guess. Just feels lose-lose either way.

 

I'm sorry you have to live with that fear

 

Wednesday night is anxiety night, apparently for tonight anyway.

 

I got prescribed guanfacine for anxiety which is an off label use and what I'm reading online about using it for that isn't very promising. I just picked it up tonight and took a normal dose and yeah idk we'll see how it works on a day to day basis. It's a blood pressure medication that lowers your bp so it kind of made me feel relaxed but not much else. Like I still feel anxiety just maybe a tiny bit lessened? Again we'll see how it works day to day but initially I'm thinking I'll need something stronger. I see my psychiatrist for the second (third I guess but the vivitrol shot appointment wasn't anything else) time on Tuesday and I'm gonna get on something for my depression also, he listed a bunch of options on our first appointment but the only one I remember by name is Zoloft because a. Everyone's heard of Zoloft and b. He thinks it'll work for me because my mom has been on it for a while and it has high success rates if it works for first generation relatives. This is all new to me I've never actually been treated or seen someone for my mental health issues so I guess I'm in a trial period right now while I figure out what works and what exactly my problems are. Right now it's general anxiety and just a real lack of energy or motivation caused by depression, and this past week thoughts of suicide have crept in which I haven't had in a while. Gonna tell him that when I see him Tuesday

 

Yeah it just sucks. Last year I got a new phone and his number didn't transfer over blocked and he called me and I answered. I hung up right away and blocked it but he kept calling. We broke up in 2011 or 2012 or something. Its just ridic to even have to deal with it all this time later. Meh.

 

I love Jenny Slate and her words so much. Hoping we all get to this place some day

 

Got so caught up in thinking about my frustration with my parents smothering me that I missed my exit while driving to my internship today and got completely lost. Thank goodness for Google Maps. I felt so stupid for a second there, which is obviously something I'm always in need of. I know my parents have the best intentions but they always find the worst ways, the most hurtful words, to express their support, and they just don't understand how to deal with my mental health issues, how they're making it worse. I never feel like I'm doing anything for myself or making my own decisions for me. How can I ever feel like I'm actually growing up and making progress in this environment? I just want space to breathe and figure out my own shit on my own pace. I love them, of course, but I need to get an actual job and move out, get away from their bullshit.

 

Quitting my decently paying but shitty job has made me feel so much better mentally.

 

Yeah this medication sucks I'm gonna tell him to give me something that's not off label for anxiety I need a real anxiety med not something that just masks the symptoms

 

I feel this, bud hugs.

 

1st day with cymbalta and he has split my dose to be taken in the am and pm for a week then the full dose after a week. Something about nausea and a lot of energy..I have been about tired enough to fall asleep standing up. Had massive amounts of caffeine and I feel I might be asleep by 8 tonight lol

 

Had a job interview today that went really well, ended up getting hired. It's going to be weird being back at work after being unemployed for so long. I'm honestly not sure if I can really do it, it's still hard for me to talk with people all day and drains the life out of me. We'll see. Just gotta put my head down and make money so I can move out as soon as possible.