Mental Health Thread • Page 102

youve lost the job

 

More like Pizza Smut!!

I'll delete my account, too.

 

What kind of pizza are you eating Erin?

 

One with a fungal disease of grains in which parts of the ear change to black powder..

 

Doesn't sound appetizing but I eat pineapple on mine so I'm not one to judge

 

I don't think I told this thread but when I was back home a couple weeks ago, my dad took me out to the casino as he sometimes likes to and gave me a few hundred to gamble with, his poison is video poker which I usually don't fuck with but when I'm with him I feel like I have to play, over the summer he did the same thing when I got clean and I won 2.5 grand hitting a royal flush, anyway same exact thing happened this time and I won 2 grand (my dad won like 14k he was hitting ridiculous hands), idk what it is but every time I get clean and hit a casino I get so lucky!!! So that kind of saved my ass for the next few weeks because I was so broke and have to pay bills and eat and shit, so that took some pressure off the job hunt which made it easier to job hunt because when I feel like I HAVE to get a job I get such bad anxiety about it and just don't look because I'm scared or some shit

 

The most I ever won gambling was $150 and I thought that was amazing but otherwise I never win so I never go lol

 

every time someone says they gonna delete their account i'm like "u can't actually do that on here tho"

 

In high school me and a group of 6-12 friends would play poker every single Friday and Saturday from halfway through sophomore year until we graduated, it started as just hold em but we'd play other games when we didn't have as many people but by the time senior year rolled around and we started drinking all the time we started fucking with black jack, one night we took 500 dollars from my friends older brother who wanted to deal. But usually when I play black jack at the casino the dealer always fucks me, only time I did decent was at the Bahamas. And even then I didn't actually make out posititive, I just was up at the end of the last day and my dad let me keep it despite him giving me well over 1k over the course of the week and me losing most of it lol. My dads crazy with gambling but he gets hella benefits from the casino he frequents since he spends so much, my family (not me or older brother) just stayed in a two room suite in vegas for free because my dads person comped it, whatever that means. And every year they get a new car from the casino. Idfk man I wanna ball like my dad some day, he grew up real poor in a super fucked up household so when he started making money he started going all out. Like I'm so fucking privileged and grew up with so much, I still lean on my parents for so much but I've never really acted like a typical "rich" kid (rich is relative, not sure if that's the word I'd use to describe my family but others may, were from Missouri where the cost of living is ridiculously low so that's a factor). Probably because my mom and Dad both had nothing growing up and were still able to raise their kids with solid morals and values while giving us a shit ton along the way. And my mom always acts like she hates my dad's spending on shit but I know she secretly loves it. My parents dynamic is so funny and reminds me of me and my gf in a lot of ways. And their marriage is pretty damn strong so that's a good sign.

 

I WILL DELETE IT FROM MY MIND OK.

 

hehehe gl w that

 

These songs have really been hitting home this past week/weekend.

 

Ok so no appointment tomorrow the office is closed the rest of the week but he scheduled me for next week some time and had me make an account on this website he uses for everything, can't figure out how to see my appointment on it but I'll figure it out tomorrow. Just hoping all this works out, he seems like a legit doctor for this addiction stuff and based on his website really values the use of vivitrol to treat this so i hope I can get my next injection with him in time and not have to go back home for it. Even if I did have to go back home just for my next one and had everything set up with him for the next one that would be okay too. I'm feeling a lot better about everything but still nervous since nothing is set in stone yet. Still, things are moving and that's always a better feeling than the stagnation I've felt since returning back from St. Louis. Things really do fall into place when you get clean, I just had to give it a little more time this time around. Nothing wrong with that, and it's teaching me how to keep my head up when it seems like nothing is happening. All in all, I'm feeling pretty good

 

I hate how much I compare myself to others. I just feel so average, like on my best days lol. I wanna know what it's like to feel like the prettiest in a room, or the most talented, or the most warm and sociable. I feel like I'm not creative and have no interesting thoughts or insight to share. And clearly I'm self-pitying which is annoying in itself. I've just been thinking about it a lot lately. I wish I had a calling or something I was great at that I had. Like every time I listen to Freedom! '90 and he says "Gotta have some faith in the sound. It's the one good thing that I've got." I'm like I hate u for even having one good thing that you've got! I wish I had faith in an ability in myself (and if that ability got me millions that'd be cool too)

 

I think you're interesting!

 

Opened up to my boyfriend about a bunch of things I've been holding back for a while. I can't express how grateful I am for his patience and constant support. I was in therapy for years and have some good friends but it's still so hard to talk about things. I'm trying, though

 

I can't figure out if I'm too withdrawn or not withdrawn enough, and it's freaking me out.

 

my work decided to finally stop with the 6 days work week and give me the weekend off and I'm so grateful for that.

I'm going to relax so much.

 

It's my rotation to work this weekend. 16hr Saturday, 14hr Sunday. There's a lot of dead time and it makes the shifts drag. Will be dreading it all week.

 

It's a figure of speech!

 

Pffff

 

Well I love u either way

 

Orisa in overwatch :D

 

I'm seeing Regina for the first time in a couple weeks, and I feel like a lot of pent up emotions may come out. Her music has meant a lot to me for a long time and has gotten me through a lot.

 

usually when I have nothing else to do I'll just kinda bum around on the internet or watch tv, but I've been playing guitar and singing a lot more in my spare time and it's definitely having a positive impact on my mental health. feels good to practice and be creative.