(Reasons We're Probably Not) Dating Or In A Relationship Thread NSFW • Page 409

When I babysat, Kid car seats almost sent me into full blown meltdowns. There are specific ways they have them facing in the car and kids have to be strapped in in a way which is the opposite of what My brain was going to do.

 

oh ya, I mean I definitely don't judge either way, doesn't matter to me. I know at one point I'll want kids so if I ever get married (lol) that'll have to be talked about before hand.

 

Jacob Has Kids: A Social Experiment.

 

I have three nephews and it has been a win-win situation for me, because my mom has stopped questioning when I'm gonna settle down and have kids since my sister gave her grand babies, and if they are being little turds I can you know.... give them back to my sister. Baha

 

I told my mom my cat is the only grandchild fur baby she is getting from me for a long time.

 

My mother is gonna have to settle for fur nieces and nephews for the time being.

 

My parents don't even bring up babies to me but my sisters do. My older sister wants her son to have a cousin close in age, and my lil sister wants a cute baby to play with. I'm just like yep those sound like the right reasons lol

 

My coworker (and buddy) teases me cus 'I talk about my girl every two minutes' lol. He jokes about my energy rubbing off on him cus he's a big hearted guy himself but he likes to be able to sample around more so than devote lol. I tease him saying that same energy is rubbing off when he spends shifts on and off texting the same girls anytime it the same girl.
I guess that's what my coworkers mostly know me for "He's all about that girl." I guess I never noticed how easily she comes up, it's not even so much intentional... I just don't really even spend time (albeit partially cus all my friends moved away) with anyone but here so she's kinda my only family, best friend, and of course my girl... most my recent experiences are with her... and we been together 6 years so what can I do?

Part of growing up/falling in love I always figured, lol.

 

haha my aunts said the same thing once, I don't get it ? why can't they... you know.... just make their kids play with others at school or stuff like that ? family isn't the biggest goal in life

 

Yeah it's weird. If it works out that way that's cool, but yeah. I was super close with my cousins until we moved out of state and it does make me sad that we went from being super close to barely knowing one another, but I guess since I'm not close with my cousins I don't feel the need to have children with close cousins. Idk, you are right that's what school is for!

 

my cousin had her son earlier today and she gave him a weird name and I'm like why.

 

After being a single puppy mom for two weeks I am legit never having children. I don't sleep and my entire day is focused around him and what he's getting into and pooping on. NOPE.

 

there is this girl at my work who I think is cute and we've been talking more. I talked to one of my coworkers who I am super close with because they are friends.

She just suggested taking it nice and slow because she is still dealing with getting out of a relationship. I'm like ok cool I can do that.

 

For medical reasons, I can't have kids. I also don't really want them so it doesn't bother me much. The problem is, no kids means it will be very difficult for me to find a partner. I'm already a full blown mess and it's hard enough to find someone that wants to stay, let's add not wanting kids on top of that.

 

I go through phases of having baby fever. In reality, it'll likely never happen, so I'll probably just have dogs.

 

Gotta be honest for a minute with some personal stuff
I get upset that my parents don't really talk about me, but they make me feel bad half the time, so I shouldn't be surprised. I just get annoyed at how everyone else we know constantly brags about their children. I don't want them to tell people I'm great and be rude like "ISN'T SHE THE BEST?" more like, just mention my achievements and successes. I feel like my success in education alone doesn't even matter to them, and neither of them finished college. My degree is hanging in my room. I would just hope they'd be proud. But most of the time I feel like they don't.

Then there's their stupid politics (mum at least listens to me, dad is too aggressive and stubborn).

 

Don't worry, I'm sure you will find someone who doesn't either, or is at least ok with not having kids. I think someone who really loves you will understand.

 

Having kids would mean getting off birth control and I cannot go back to that life. My life is a mess without it.

 

I get that. I felt the same way about my dad, like, there'd be instances in which he'd be proud of me but never in instances I actually wanted him to be proud. And my sister was always extremely accomplished and "by the book" and my dad would always be extremely proud of her. And, like you said, it's like when they can't show when they're proud AND they make you feel bad so often, it's awful.

With my kids I always do this thing my friend's dad did when I was young, and I hope they appreciate it. When they act out or something, I always make sure to show that they shouldn't have done what they did, but I never end on that note. I always tell them something I'm proud of them for at the end of the conversation and make sure they know they're loved.

I always wanna pat them on the back for how great they are, but I hate being that parent who constantly pats themselves on the back for being a great parent or whatever because I know so many of those people and I just have that stance of like "Well if my kids love me and know I love them I'm succeeding" and don't want to demand that outside validation as a parent. But at the same time I hope they understand that I'm extremely proud and I hope I don't seem like some deadbeat that doesn't care about his kids. But at the same time they're too young to understand all that anyway I'm sure. I'm dumb haha.

 

Laura is reading over my shoulder and feels the need to tell you she understands completely

 

I'm just shocked right now, I spent a long time isolating myself only to end up dating someone on Jan 4 or 5th. She showed me lots of affection, and while I was stressed and in a weird place emotionally I took a risk and got out of my comfort zone.
But it quickly became apparent that we weren't really right for each other, for several reasons that I tried to ignore at first.
I'm a very, very introverted person and I have massive problems with anxiety, so I guess I seemed kind of, passive? She wanted me to take control and make suggestions about where to go and what to do, and I felt like I had been up to that point. But each time she would do or say something that made me feel bad.

I really fell apart the night I went to a 'party' at her place like a few weeks after knowing her. It was just a few of her friend's friends (she said she didn't have friends), and when I got there she just... She was really drunk and wouldn't even look at me. I was already anxious and I just felt so alone in this room full of people I didn't really know. Over the course of that night she rolled around on the floor, got really hands on with her best friend (she said she was her soulmate and that she'd never like me as much as she liked me which is just weird imo to say to someone), she didn't really talk to me, and would occasionally just grab my hand or lean on me.

And I was the only man there, and when everyone but her and her best friend had left (near midnight and the last bus was at 12am), her best friend kept suggesting I stay all night. She was really adamant, and my now ex was like "well he can stay if he wants I won't make him" and like I don't drink so I was sober but it just felt off.

Like they were baiting me into something, I wanted to cry man. I could've gotten into trouble, so I went home and I felt physically sick. I felt so alone. I felt like I didn't belong there and I didn't know why I was going in the first place.
But the next day she asked me to come over and cuddled with me and I tried to swallow the fear a bit longer.

Other things that had happened:
-she'd told everyone that I was awkward when describing me, not nice or funny or anything. Just awkward
-she said my fuckin' name made her uncomfortable because it was similar to her ex, so she just called me by my nickname
-she kept asking things like "so do u still wanna date me"
-she said that if we ever got intimate that she'd tell her friends about it in detail
-she said I was good at killing conversations
-she sort of made me do things I didn't want to do by making me feel stupid
-she showed me a lewd text her ex's friend had sent her before blocking her
-she kept talking about how great some dude was at the party while I was sitting right there
-she made me feel like talking to me was a chore

And things just got kinda distant. She wanted me to see her and know exactly what to do, which took a lot out of me. Our last date was minigolfing, and when we were done she asked 'now what' and rolled her eyes when I said I really didn't know. So we sat on a bus for an hour and a half heading downtown. She snapped at me a week later after all I said was "I really wanna see you, are you free Friday?" And said she had a lot of people she needed to see and that she can't just see me whenever I want....

And so another week went by and she'd stopped even really responding until I told her that, 'I know you're under stress, midterms and all, but I can't really handle this right now. I couldn't really take being told one thing but then shown another' and so it was over and then she wanted to see me again and I just... I felt bad but like I felt like I wasn't wanted and in hindsight it wasn't healthy for me.

She wanted to stay friends but she wasn't even a good friend for me, let alone a gf.
But that doubt came creeping in after that it was over that maybe it was me. Maybe I made a mistake, and then the loneliness hit me. And I scheduled an emergency appointment with a psychiatrist dude and my counsellor is on Wednesday because he couldn't see me earlier as he was ill.

I just felt in that moment after I deleted her that I was totally alone. But I've told my family about everything and I'm gonna hang with my friends soon, and I need to just take positives from this that, when I'm motivated I AM capable of getting out of my comfort zone.

I'm capable of taking someone out, and now I know what red flags to watch for (there were many more but it's petty to go into) and that when a relationship ends there doesn't need to be hostility. It just didn't work, and eventually I'll find something that does.

TL;DR first ever relationship was full of doubt and coldness, ended abruptly but overall I'm attempting to stay okay and safe. im trying to not live in constant fear that everyone will abandon me. And I'm trying to forget her and just learn from it. It really hurts right now and I'm just sort of drifting in and out of panicking like, I made my psychologist tear up because of the things I was saying ahaha, I talked to a crisis line for an hour earlier. I'm just gonna keep talking

 

@AnxiouslyAwesome Hey dude good for you for speaking up and thanks for posting that. I totally understand where you're coming from, I see a few similarities between her and my ex, and he was my first proper long-term relationship as well. You don't deserve that, and good for you for getting out of that. She seems selfish and inconsiderate, and you don't want that. Glad you had a therapist to talk to. Don't ever feel like you made a mistake if you were really treated badly, and from what you've said it looks like you were. It's OK to be single, even if it feels lonely at times. It's really good that you have friends and family to talk to and to support you, that's important.

 

Yeah dude I just sort of fell into it, and I don't think she knew what she wanted. I wanted to just say good morning and goodnight and talk and go out places, obviously not every day but it just felt like I'd been misled.
I tried to communicate to her that I have these issues and insecurities about long periods of silence and she just didn't change. But maybe I'm being too harsh. I don't like thinking people are bad, I really just tried to make her laugh and it just didn't feel like it was enough. And I'd been sort of weird the last few months, but I'm trying to not isolate myself again. I can't turtle every time I'm faced with something difficult.

But then there's that thought that... You'll always be alone :0 but I felt alone with her, and I gotta stop thinking bout it. And now that I went through it I've sort of connected with my brother on a deeper level because he'd gone through something similar but it lasted a year.

I'm just surprised that I had it in me to end it, I'd always thought of myself as weak and helpless and it even took her by surprise aha, but what were you expecting smh.

I just wanna be loved and right now I know I am by friends and family and that there is always tomorrow for better things :) and that I have to try.

Need a job or university next, and that's terrifying but I just gotta take it one step at a time and move forward. Can't waste more tears on things I can't change!

Thx for the kind response!!!!

 

I'm so sorry you went thru that bb! It sounds like she has absolutely no understanding or empathy for anyone who is introverted or has anxiety and those kinds of ppl are hard to be around when you have those issues. It's really tough when ppl don't understand and belittle the things you go thru. You're awesome for standing up for yourself and ending things because you deserve to be treated respectfully.

 

I can't add anything more of value that Lightning and Kiana haven't already said, but I just wanna let you know that you did the right thing and you never deserve any affection/love and respect less than what you give out to others. I'm glad you've got resources and family and friends who are there for you. I know for me, the best thing for when I went through break ups was always filling my time and keeping my mind occupied with doing stuff with those people.

if you ever feel like you need somewhere to spew where you might not have your counselor or a friend to talk to immediately, this thread is a good place for that in the interim, both publically posting in here and if you feel better PMing someone in here I know almost all of us are here for you to listen.