Mental Health Thread • Page 88

Because of all my problems, I often fear that I'm growing too fast and can't enjoy my present life. Do any of you relate to that ?

 

that's fair. Thanks pal that was an actual uplifting comment (usually I'm so cynical I don't take positive comments seriously)

 

I'm sure that whatever you tried to link is awful, but confronting trolls online will lead to nothing but unnecessary stress, my friend.

Edit: @lightning always happy to provide people a boost, if I can.
It's actually kind of an addiction...this thread would be dominated by me trying to relate to, and encourage people if I didn't try to restrain myself, haha.

 

Today's #relatable meme

 

relate HEAVY

 

It's hard not to. Once in a while something upsets me so much that i have to react you know ? It's difficult not to let it affect me personally, I know it is something I have to work on my own though. Thanks for your advices, I should be more careful.

 

This is so cute to me so I thought I'd post it.

 

Man I know appearances aren't everything and your weight doesn't determine your worth but I've been feeling extremely ugly lately and the fact that I've been steadily putting on weight over the last few years (esp. this past year) is really bumming me out. Motivating myself to exercise is something I've struggled with a lot. I know making healthier choices will do so much for my physical and mental health but it feels stupidly impossible. Just another bad cycle I'm stuck in.

 

One of the under reported symptoms of chronic depression is an almost insurmountable desire for fatty foods. There was a span of several months where I didn't eat anything but fast food....which resulted in various deficiencies that fed my already present depression.

Spring will be here soon. When it arrives please lay in the sun whenever you get the chance, walk or bike to places within a couple miles, and force yourself to eat healthy(ish) food....meds are not an end all solution...They're there to provide a bridge/life line to healthier living.

Edit: big ups for hanging around. People who haven't dealt with serious, clinical, depression don't understand how big of an accomplishment that really is.

Edit part two: what an out of left ramble. Sorry, you weren't even talking about depression, and I went off on a tangent. Ended a two week tolerance break tonight..and got higher than I thought. Sincere apologies.

 

Apparently if you talk about not getting a lot of compliments, you will receive them cause I've gotten a few the last couple days and I'm like....... are y'all on Chorus



But really I made it a point to try and look nice today so I was def overdressed but after having such a hard week I was like screw it, I'm doing some self-care. Going to try really hard not to stress out this weekend and just breathe and relax but I'm overthinking things and regretting conversations so I'll prob be a ball of anxiety for a while. mehhhh

 

I am stretched so thin right now. There's a huge amount of pressure that comes with my job but adding that to how hard I am on myself is exhausting. As everyone knows, I volunteer a lot and it's become a chore and it makes me unhappy and I have never felt this way before. I haven't had anxiety in a while now and I was in the grips of a panic attack earlier. I don't want to be perfect I just want to love and help people. Living here is a nightmare. I'm not like the people here. I have had job offers in Atlanta, Augusta, etc. and I feel like I need to make the leap but I'm scared.

I don't like change. I never have and I never will. My friends and family are moving on with their lives and I'm not. I have been through some shit so I had to deal with all that while everyone else is moving, getting married, having kids, you know adult stuff. I work too hard but I can't seem to make myself stop.

My BFF getting engaged has been surprisingly hard on me. It's where the panic attacks are coming from. I love her and I know we're soulmates and will always be in each others lives but it doesn't make things any easier. She's been through shit too and it's always been us against the world and now she's marrying someone and he's going to take my place. It's so childish and embarrassing.

I get that the wedding is over a year away but she's been planning this shit since we were Freshmen in college and her notebook has everything in it that she wants to have the perfect wedding. Her dream is to be married and have kids and be a stay at home mom. I am scared I'm not going to be able to lose enough weight and to not be pretty enough to be one of her bridesmaids. I want her to have her fairy tale wedding and I'll do anything to look the part but it's fucking hard when you hate yourself lol Not to mention the other girls are all beautiful and I'm just like this tomboy plain jane. I will never forgive myself if I disappoint her. She didn't bring these feelings upon me I just worry everything to death. /rant

 

I feel useless. Outside of my music I'm in a bit of a rut I guess. I need to find a job but I get anxiety just thinking about opening an email let alone sending my resume and writing a cover letter, and yes I'm talking about shitty part time jobs not even legit industry stuff. Meanwhile I love my girlfriend to death but she's been struggling with a few different things, one of which is quite bothersome to me, and every attempt to help her makes me question my own self worth and even though she insists I'm doing fine and am helping her a lot I gotta wonder if I really am. On top of all that I've greatly lost my interest in posting in a particular thread on this site where I used to spend 90% of my time and now I don't feel welcome or wanted there at all just because of one person. So then I'm like what am I even doing on this site? And Jesus Christ I never thought knowing nobody in a city would be as lonely as it is. I mean my girlfriends friends are super nice and we get on very well but I can't hang with them all the time, kind of related to that bothersome problem I mentioned earlier, so I do find myself rather lonely when she's not around. And it's dumb because back in St. Louis when I had friends I'd opt to stay home a lot because I liked being alone. I'm sure I'd do the same if I actually had friends here I guess it's just the fact that I don't that bothers me, not even the actual loneliness, which feels stupid as hell like am I really like that? The answer is yes. On top of all this I'm finding my cravings for heroin are becoming insanely difficult to deal with again, the voice in my head telling me to go get high is getting louder and louder and I hear it more and more frequently. I may look into getting back on the vivitrol shot pre emptively, it's that bad and I feel like I'm that much at risk. I've come so close to slipping and I'm getting scared. I'm gonna find a therapist in the city in the next couple weeks, probably once I find a job I'll start doing therapy because the added stress plus a disposable income are gonna be huge risks in terms of relapse for me. Anyway I think I'm done rambling now. Hoping for good vibes this weekend to carry into next week.

 

I was talking about depression! Your kind words are greatly appreciated.

Your friend's life may be changing but no one could ever take your place. Remember to take care of yourself and not just other people. You don't need to change anything about yourself to be pretty because you already are!! And as long as you're your usual supportive and wonderful self there's no way you could disappoint your friend. You're best friends for a reason, and that's why she wants you beside her for her wedding.

 

Overcoming addiction is fucking hard and you're so strong to doing it. Feeling like you may slip in no way makes you weak or useless. When you do end up getting a job maybe try to find a place that has people your age working there? Could be a good way to meet some people and maybe make a couple friends. Getting out of a rut is really hard but you can do it!

 

I wish you the best, honestly. You're such a good person, and you have had a big positive impact on this community since your early days on ap.net. I don't know what to say about your addiction, I'm way too ignorant and don't want to say something that may hurt you, so I'll simply say that you're strong for overcoming it and for working hard to not relapse. I noticed on the Dating threads that you seemed happy with your gf, and I was so so so satisfied for you when I read your posts, because I know you went through a lot of stuff. I haven't listened to your music in a while, because I always forget about Soundcloud (I'm used to Bandcamp I guess). However, there's one thing I have to admit : you are one of the major reasons I, for the past year, have been trying to get into music production, and especially into hip hop and electronic approaches of making music. I remember you being critical of my posts on ap.net's frontpage, when I used to say I hated stuff like hip hop drums or synthetic instruments, autotune etc. You've always been eloquent when arguing with me, and you helped me grow as a musician and most importantly as a person. Without you, I wouldn't been as open minded as I am today. Don't hesitate to send me or us a PM if you ever feel bad or simply need someone to talk to, even if my English skills are still poor lol. I know I'm living in another continent so I may sound naive and all, but I'd do anything I could to help you and chorus.fm's users. I will probably live in Québec for the next school year thanks to a program between Montreal's University and mine, so I guess I won't be that far from most of you guys haha. I'm sending good vibes to you and hope your appointment with your future therapist goes well ! From my point of view, I really feel like this new site made us create a stronger community, comprised of people who take care of each others.


edit : Oops, I feel like I've been writing longer and longer posts lately. It may be a good thing, a sign that I'm getting better at a non native language, but I hope I'm not boring any of you guys with my mess lol.

 

i love you both, and everyone in this thread

 

Sis ur speaking my language. Change is so scary and immobilizing even if it's something you feel you want, like moving. It's a huge step and it's scary to think about and I've been struggling a lot with it myself. I've gotten to the point where I know it's scarier to stay where I am and be stagnant, but it's so overwhelming to think about executing a move like that. Most of my friends are married and either have kids or are thinking about it. Idek if I want that, but there is always that pressure that there is this certain adult path you have to take, and you gotta do it by a certain time. But sis u sound like u got adulthood on lock! You have a job that you sound really amazing at (srsly ur boss af having those job offers too!), and from your posts it sounds like you have family and friends who really love you. Plus you eat all that bomb southern food!

You are gonna make her wedding perfect by being there to stand by her and support her. You're going to help her achieve her dream and be apart of one of the best days of her life and it is going to feel amazing. And sis u know ur gonna look fire in those pics like who can compete with that eyebrow game?? even tho ur life paths are different she's still gonna need you and your friendship will grow as you are there for each other in new and different ways and overcome different obstacles together.

You got this, sis!

 

I can feel you on the anxiety of job hunting, the fear of rejection/being ignored is tremendous, good luck I believe in you

 

it means so much to me to know my posts have had a huge impact on anyone. seriously. it means even more to know ive gotten you interested in production and different approaches to music making. if you ever have any questions about any of that kind of stuff my inbox is always open. and my new EP is gonna be on bandcamp so ill send you a link when its out! thanks so much again your support is endlessly helpful

 

its the fucking worst. and like, i can interview, im a great interviewer, i just hate applying more than anything

 

at least you're good at interviews, I'm not I always get nervous

 

My mum keeps bothering me about getting married.

Two things here:
- the guy I like doesn't like me
- another guy I recently met, well, I tried emailing him and stuff, and he just said very little each time, so i haven't felt like responding or starting another conversation. Mum is trying to get me to talk to him again but I'm just not going to. I have wasted my whole life giving too much attention to the other person in a friendship/relationship where I'm the one saying hi first... I'm done doing that. They have to care about me as much as I care about them.

So. I want to focus on making money first. I don't even have a car. I should not have to get married if I don't want to. Besides.... It has to be with someone who respects and understands me. It shouldn't be one sided. And hell no am I marrying a right winger, esp not after last election.

 

I hate interviewing and I haven't been searching as much lately. I do need something work from home, for many reasons. Just don't know where to look.

 

i have somewhat bad social anxiety but im pretty good at shoving that shit down and acting like im fine when i need to. i'll just freak the fuck out leading up to the exchange and internally the whole time haha

 

my girlfriend said the most shocking thing about me IRL that she wasnt expecting is how shy i am and how much i hate talking to people i dont know