(Reasons We're Probably Not) Dating Or In A Relationship Thread NSFW • Page 356

Valentine's Day is a month away and I've got way too much shit to work through in that amount of time for me to pursue anyone.

Never ignore your first instinct, friends.

 

I've never celebrated Valentine's Day even when I've had a GF and I've warned my girlfriends in advance that I actively don't celebrate it


EDIT: With that said, I am awesome at randomly surprising my girlfriends with gifts and little things spontaneously and I feel like that's better so

 

Never had a GF on Valentine's Day; usually round some single bros up and go out

 

Unless something goes hideously wrong, I'll actually be with someone around Valentine's day this year.

It's quite early on in everything though (and she's still currently away), so I've no clue what I'm going to do. I don't much care for it as a day and I'm very unlikely to suggest we go out. I also don't like buying typical Valentine's shit, so previously I've bought nice little gifts instead. However, I don't know her so well that I'm sure on what to get her.

So, yeah. Guess I better brush up on risotto recipes and look out for something which will make her smile.

 

Only ever courted myself with this, but do with it as you will:

Melt dark chocolate with butter 9oz:2tsp in a saucepan
Add 2-4oz Grand Marnier to saucepan mix
Arrange fresh strawberries/raspberries or w/e in a brandy glass
Drizzle saucepan mix

 

I usually sit at home and listen to my Blah-entine's Day Playlist on spotify on repeat and prepare myself to die alone someday

 

I don't know if me and my fiancee will both be together on Valentine's since she has obligations in MD & me in NY (hence why I need that job I mentioned in the chat thread), if we are I will do something big for her cus our 6 year is 9 days prior and that Valentine's Day was the first time we said to each other I love you.
If not I'll probably write her something and try and set time aside to watch a movie with her over the phone or something.

...This move cant't happen soon enough.

 

I unequivocally agree with everyone else here that it's a bad idea for him to pursue anything with this girl. Don't do it.

That being said, I'll stick my neck out and say this post is too judgmental. The dude just explained that he's never been in a relationship. It seems patently obvious that he's coming at this from a position of weakness, not as a predator. Young girls might need to be "warned" about 30 y/os with rich sexual histories who've cynically fine-tuned the craft of luring in 18 y/os for sex and manipulative, one-sided relationships. This isn't that.

To be blunt, when you ask "what do you have to relate to a high schooler about?", the answer seems obvious: he doesn't have much experience with sex and relationships, himself. In that regard, it will be extremely difficult to find common ground with 99% of women his age. I might or might not relate to this situation myself.

Getting starry-eyed over a high schooler sure ain't the answer. But perhaps you can forgive guys like us if we periodically struggle to deal appropriately with what's an extremely challenging predicament with limited realistic solutions - to put it mildly.

 

Not passing any judgment but one question needs to be asked through all that: Why the lack of experience? Now I have dealt with crippling depression and was largely a homebody since I was 18 through my mid 20s, but I always maintained relationships with friends and women my age.
Again no judgement but how much of that can be levied on lack of trying or just fear of such? Overthinking the perceived
inadequacies? And if that's the case how does one REALLY know they lack for things in common with people their age, at least within that realm?

 

holy shit

 

As shitty as it may be to lack experience or to be awkward, ignorance does not give you a pass to act in a predatory manner and, contrary to popular belief, you don't have to be actively manipulative to be a predator. You only need a large does of narcissism, anxiety and a view women as objects through which you can define yourself. Look at Elliot Rodgers. I'm not comparing anyone to him, but saying that he perceived himself as a victim, as someone that life passed by and the corrollary to that is a sense of entitlement that is the building block to dangerous resentment. Again, sorry that these are your circumstances, but your circumstances don't matter in relation to another human being that lives in a society in which they're consistently treated as objects. I mean, just read your statements. When faced with criticism, particularly from women, you refer to yourselves and what you've gone through, rather than understanding that the judgment isn't on your feelings, but a situation in which a woman may be damaged by your actions.

 

Shitposting is my secret shame. I'm glad I can share it with you all.

 

all my posts are good

 

Well, there's little in your post to disagree with, so I think we may be talking past each other a bit here.

For my part, I'll once again say unequivocally that pursuing an 18-19 year old is not something I'd ever recommend for a guy in his mid-late 20s, nor would ever I do it myself. For the other guy's part, it sounds like he recognizes this himself -- hopefully -- but is struggling to come to terms with it emotionally. That fact may seem strange, sad, or even "creepy" for those of you with more typical developmental timelines in this area, and I get that.

I just think it's crucial not to conflate this with something sinister, which I'm not perceiving here at all. Elliot Rodgers may have shared these developmental difficulties, but he also fixated on women in very general, abstract terms suggestive that, as you mentioned, they were essentially "objects" by which he "defined himself." Here, we have an inexperienced dude who basically has a crush on one specific girl he knows well and sees daily. It's unfortunate and unproductive given the circumstances, no doubt, but it's not predatory unless he acts on it.

One final thought: shaming him (even if mildly and with good intentions) for sharing these feelings is only likely, if anything, to deepen any preexisting "resentment" you're rightfully concerned about.

Probably just one of those deals where we can all agree on the important stuff -- like what he should and shouldn't do -- but when we get into the weeds, our sympathies are inextricably colored by perspective and personal experience.

 

No one is shaming him. I am being honest about the ways in which those feelings, even unconsciously, can be predatory and be transformed into resentment over time. Further, I think you mistake a directness about those things with a lack of empathy. It is because the underlying subjects are important that there isn't a desire to mince words about this.

 

didn't mean to cause a stir

Sorry

 

We all cause a stir at some point.

 

I was at work last night, changing out a beer keg, and there were tubes from the keg to the c02 and anyways there these girls ordering some food from behind the stand and one of them looks at me and goes, "so do you clean ladies pipes too?" And I was so taken back that I basically just stood there in shock and said nothing. Then they asked if I was single and I said, "yeah....I guess". I am clearly a master of game.

 

I had to urban dictionary what that meant but holy LOL

 

First off thank you @Dominick for taking over for me and replying more eloquently than I could have. Everything he said was spot on so read it, re-read it, and read it again. Then read my messages. Then read his again.

And Lastsliceofpizza don't apologize for "causing a stir". You came here for advice and you are free and encouraged to do so. Likewise I'm free to reply in a somewhat harsh and direct manner. I sincerely hope that you actually read all the replies and are taking them into consideration. Apologizing for saying anything at all is a cop out. Discourse is encouraged and necessary.

 

They later came back and properly introduced themselves and we exchanged names but I wouldn't give em my number

 

I just did the same. Bleak.

 

why the fuck not tho