Mental Health Thread • Page 478

Glad to hear you’re having a better week

 

I got myself in a funk and now I’m crying.

 

I remember feeling this exact way before having my kid about 6 years ago. That very real fear of never being able to relax again was hard to shake. And, obviously, there is no one-size-fits-all kind of scenario to parenthood, but the main thing I learned is that after a while simply being a parent becomes the new normal and you begin to find yourself relaxing into a whole new way of life. I used to have so much anxiety surrounding both "properly raising" my child but also finding the time for myself. Every child is different, but I just do my best every day to show genuine love for my kid and to tell her multiple times a day that I love her and that I'm proud of her. I'm going to fuck things up from time to time, but she's going to know she's loved. I can control that much.

 

This is me. Exactly. Before having my daughter, I was always awkward as hell around other kids and they drove me insane. I'm great with her. I remain awkward and instantly annoyed with pretty much all other children.

 

Well the baby has a minor heart abnormality (muscular VSD) that seems to heal itself 50% of the time and cause no issues w/r/t limitations/activities/or life expectancy. Still scary and we have to hope that it doesn't get bigger, but the cardiologist also said it's one of the more common defects that people used to not even know about before the technology was there to see it prenatal. She also told us not to Google it because there are a lot more serious versions of it that are not what our baby has.

 

Ah, I see. I'm sorry to hear that. I can only imagine how that contributes to the stress of becoming a parent. Definitely sending good vibes your way.

 

Thank you! Your advice and well-wishes are both appreciated.

 

I have so much anxiety and dread surrounding my job. I mean it’s fine for what it is but I’m just so over what it is. It’s about as good of a job as I can get in the service industry but I’m so burnt out and over doing service. I find any excuse I can to leave early or not go in. Made up a big lie to call out today because I’m leaving for Chicago for a few days tomorrow. Problem is this is costing me hours and money and I’m likely to lose my benefits. It’s sort of self inflicted. I need to find something else to do but I don’t know what or how. All I have is restaurant industry experience and a degree in audio production, how could I possibly find a job outside of food service that will pay my bills and allow me to save up what I need to move to Chicago next year? And then what will I do when I get to Chicago? I’ve stuck around doing the restaurant thing because it’s no big deal to find a new job in the field when you move or quit. I don’t even know where to begin to do something else and I don’t know what I would even want to do. Probably can’t go back to school, not anytime soon anyway, so my options are extremely limited. I’m also so tired and burnt out from this job it’s hard to put effort into any sort of projects that might bear some fruit if I put the time in. I’m not even working that much and I’m still burnt out just from the few days a week I do wind up working. Is this life in your 30s? Hating your job but unable to break free from it in any meaningful way?

 

As I entered my 30s I knew I needed a change and I went back to school, am now a teacher. Absolutely needed to change my life around and I have no regrets

 

My ex still hasn't moved out and it's getting really hard on me. We're on fine terms, but man, I just stay in bad habits and patterns with her that I want to break from. I know if I'm alone for a while, it will be a good opportunity for me to grow and learn about what I want out of life. I'll be bored and lonely if it's just me and it will be that push I need to actually get out there instead of making excuses to stay home on the couch with her

My dad is coming tomorrow to help me move out my old desk and replace it with an electric standing desk. I have to clean this place and make room and a path to do that because this place is just a cluttered hoarders nest. And I'm pissed she's still here because if her stuff was gone, I would finally have room to put things away and she just doesn't get that and is now flipping out on me like "why should I have to clean for your stupid desk? That's your problem, I'm not even gonna be living here". I keep trying to explain to her that if she would finally pack her fucking shit, I can start rearranging and organizing things in the extra closet and shelving space. I'm so tired of being here. I get depressed when I walk in the door. I find old photos of this place from when I first moved in and it was so clean and nice. Now I'm embarassed to have anyone over.

 

I also just want her out of my fucking bed! And she asks why she should be the one to stop sleeping in it and I'm like ... Because it's MY fucking bed my mom gave me?? Because all of the furniture and TV in there is mine?? Because I pay all the rent, utilities, and groceries?? Because the twin bed in the guest room came from YOUR family? My God.

 

That sounds awful

 

Luckily things have actually been going well since she got home from work. Haven't had any fighting, I started cleaning before she got home and she immediately joined me. No bad vibes. So, that's good. Feeling better now. It's just.. we'll be totally chill and friendly with each other one moment and then something happens to set one of us off out of nowhere haha so the possibility is always there. Ah well. Think she's finally starting to get it and has been packing up tonight.

 

My depression is real bad right now. I've spent years feeling lost and therapy is helping a bit but it's basically only reiterating things I already know. I just feel stuck and alone and I really don't know how to do this.

 

A bunch of ants got to my cats rx dry food. I have an air tight container but the whole bag didn’t fit so I sealed it and put it in the cabinet. I noticed a trail of ants on the ceiling corners and wondered where tf they’re coming from. Decided to check the bag of food. Ants in the bag! I had to throw about a half bag. That shit is $70!!

 

Lmao I told my girlfriend I don’t want to do service industry work anymore and she freaked out and said I can’t move here if I don’t because I can make so much more money than anything else I’d find so that’s fucking cool

 

If you need to get out of the service industry in order to a) be happy and b) maintain your sobriety, then that’s all that should matter. Hope you find something!

 

My uncle from my dad’s side is my only living relative from that side. My other uncles, dad, and grandparents are dead. (My dad died when he was 20 and I was <1 and I lost contact with that side of the family.) He’s had a brain injury and became almost-deaf since the late 80’s because of a drunk driving accident. He lives four hours away and has cut contact with me. I basically found out he was in the ER today and he didn’t want to talk to me. The only person on his contact list is his mom and she’s been dead since 2017, who never talked to me either. He’s his own guardian. He can’t communicate unless you shout at him and you can’t understand him because he slurs his words and shouts. The ER said he is agitated and they can’t communicate with him and they can’t make him talk to me. I can’t help someone that doesn’t want my help, even if they need it the most.

 

trying to wrap my head around the fact that i become a dad in 6 days and everything that comes with that. of course excited, definitely anxious about something going wrong for my wife or baby or both, nervous about coping with lack of sleep and adjusting to life with a newborn. i’ve dreamed of parenthood for my entire life and i can almost count on one hand the number of days until it happens. its surreal.

 

I’m sort of at a loss lately because my sobriety has become such a non factor in all of this, like I’m not going to relapse no matter what happens but anytime I try and have a conversation about my future with a loved one that’s all they can worry about. And it fucks me up because it used to be so easy when I was constantly relapsing. If I was feeling like this I’d just go relapse and start over from scratch. It was exhausting and destructive but at least I had a plan, shitty as it was. I have no idea what to do here and I don’t have it in me to tear it all down and start over again. Ultimately that’s a good thing but it means I have to actually push through and figure my shit out

 

I consider myself very fortunate in that the first therapist I ever met with ended up being a great fit. We had our last session today after five years because she’s taking a break from practicing. Had 3 months leading up to this and didn’t think it’d affect me much, that it’d be nice to take a break, but after our last session this afternoon it’s fucking me up more than I realized. She legit knows more about me than anyone ever has (and will). She helped me process so much in certain ways and helped me navigate A LOT of past trauma, current trauma, and my addiction. She said some of the nicest things I’ve ever heard today; it was incredibly touching and, honestly, what I needed and deserved to hear as hard as that is to admit or believe sometimes. Going to miss our chats and having that oulet. I wish everyone could experience a therapist as good as her. Going to take that break for a little bit, but I’m terrified when/if it comes time to find someone new.

 

Just trying to figure out what to do

Life feels so empty

 

I genuinely feel really bad for the people in my life right now because I finally have some people who are trying to connect with me and reach out and be emotional and I'm so completely vacant right now. No romantic, sexual or emotional attachment is pushing through. So people are wondering why I'm so distant or something and it's because I can't feel anything.

I hate being that person but I truly think living in this country is messing with my head because I just don't trust my own government and I'm constantly worried about my health and finances.

 

I recently "graduated" from therapy right before our wedding and same as you, the first therapist I found was the one I stuck with for 2+ years. He changed my life and I think about him and his advice several times a week. I had no idea or context for therapy on my own, so I remember one early session after a particularly stressful week he asked when my last vacation was and I couldn't remember. He told me it would be good to go to someplace like Maui with kaitie and explore a new place with her and not think of anyone else or worry about work.

My dumbass took that literally as homework and by the next session I had planned out and bought tickets for a trip to Maui. When I told him, he said he's going to have to start choosing his words more carefully with his new clients haha. But that trip was amazing and so worth it for myself and my relationship.

Towards the end it ended up being a venue for me to vent about my minor neurosis and social grievances and he asked me "what else do you want to accomplish in therapy." We took a 2 week break for me to figure it out. We came back for two final sessions to close things out. The entire 2 years was via Zoom, but for the last session I went to his office in person. He had me talk to both my "past" self and "future" self about leaving therapy and what I was proud of and what I want to be. Never cried in any of our session until then haha. I'm sure I'll be back and I hope he's still practicing when/if I do. Hope you're able to find someone as easily and seamlessly again!

 

Thanksgiving was the first holiday without my grandma and it was rough. But Christmas is gonna be a whole other thing and I'm already having a hard time. We are Italian and Christmas Eve is like THE holiday for us. We have all the traditional Italian food and it is an all day event. I was always the first or second there and would spend the whole day in the kitchen with Nana and my aunt. She has a little eat-in section of the kitchen and she had one spot she'd always sit in and I'd sit across from her. My brother has the house now so every time I walk in, I instantly look at her spot and am just devastated that she's not there. Thankfully the whole family thought I was the one who should get her recipes (I'm the one who cooks the most) so I've been getting out her recipes and making a grocery list and seeing her handwriting...I can barely keep it together. It will be nice to keep the traditions alive and I know I'll feel her with me this whole week but it just is so hard. One day I feel like I'm doing better and then next thing I know I'm crying bc I'm making tomato soup and grilled cheese and it reminds me of her. I'd go over just about every week and of course first thing she'd ask is if I was hungry. Didn't matter if I was or not, she'd be making us lunch lol On days where she wasn't feeling up to cooking, she'd make grilled cheese and tomato soup but she'd burn the grilled cheese every time bc we'd get distracted bc we were talking so much. She'd cuss herself out for burning it and I'd tell her I still like it burnt (even though I don't lol) and now I can't even make grilled cheese without crying. I just miss her so much.