Mental Health Thread • Page 60

Same. All day.

 

Just did self care so I could attempt to have a break. ate cheese fries, took a bath with Jimmy eat world's The End Is Beautiful on repeat, and am now eating Ben and Jerry's with whipped cream and rainbow sprinkles.

 

My self care is bourbon sweet tea and Skyrim :3

 

I took a bubble bath and then ate a shit load of cookies and cuddled my dog. Still feel sick to my stomach. Still just want to cry. Then my grandma told me they saw something abnormal on her CT scan and she won't know what it is until she sees her doctor. I hate today.

 

i ate some halal as a comfort food and it made me sick. end 2016

 

Today was so surreal.

 

I'm actually about to start up a new game of Skyrim! It's been a while since I played so I'm looking for some quality escapism.

 

Face mask, bath, started to give myself a pedicure. Laid down before finishing bc I'm just sad. What a whirlwind of a day.

 

Had my grandmother's wake and funeral during me and my younger sister's birthdays, and after the election results the next day, I'm so not happy >_>

 

I can't even imagine. I'm sorry. ❤️

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I know y'all prob get tired of me posting this stuff but..lol

 

Meh. I'm on a short vacay and I'm still depressed. I had a good day yesterday at the beach and the pool, but today we were at the beach and I wanted to leave the whole time. and do what? sit around on my phone which I can do whenever I want? I wanted to leave and I didn't know why. my nephew who I hardly see is here and I'm barely interacting with him. I feel ungrateful cause my BIL's fam owns this beach house and I never have cool connections like that to stay somewhere for free but I'm not happy. hopefully it'll be better tomorrow. I wake up everyday either stressed about my living situation or the elections or my job. I think it's just hard to snap out of that every morning. I'm having dreams about at least 1 of those 3 things every night. ugh.

 

I feel u, I feel like most of my friends are extroverts and have a million friends and always get to do cool shit bc they know people

 

Past few years really were a kick in the chest, jewels, etc. From 2013-this year I lost so many family and loved ones (literally gotta kick off your shoes to keep count), my grandpa (hero), best friends mom (the mom I needed when my Mom couldnt be), my best friend, my uncle who left behind his 6 year old son (who now looks at me for that manhood), cousin (after finally kicking her addiction to cancer, hard to see after finally getting that demon off her back) - her mom 2 months later, I could go on cus theres tons more but no need.
I lost my fiancee/love of my life (whos now back in my life & re-engaged) before that, lost a lot of friends/cut some out cus I was getting dicked around on my car for 9 months by a Mechanic "friend."
I was held hostage in my own life in ways for those 3 years and only recently have started to turn that corner which I'm glad cus there was a point I could feel myself getting closer and closer to the edge and I had been there before. It's a hell of a thing to watch yourself normalize suicidal thoughts.
I've dealt with depression for years but them 3 years was what felt like life honed in on me as a target like "We're gunna see if we can finally break him." Definitely malfunctioned for a while, still reworking my wiring a bit... BUT I'm still here. I win.

 

All day I read about trump and his supporters and I can't stop even tho I know I should. then I get anxiety about driving across the state even tho I know it'll be fine. it ends up not being bad, and I relax a lil. Then I start stressing again cause my TA texts me that she's not coming in tomorrow so I have to go in early and stress about coverage and may have to cancel appts to cover for her. I turn up the music and eventually let it go for the rest of my drive. get home and I'm already upset and cranky and I just cannot with these randos. they bought more groceries and have no signs of leaving and I hate the smell of ground beef and that's what my house smells like and I legit wanna puke. There's a big crock pot of it on my counter and I can't believe ground beef might be my breaking point but there it is.

I just want to chill and relax and have some control over my life like that's all I ask but I don't have control over anything.

 

When is the time to seek professional help with depression? I've brought it up with people I though would be understanding in the past & got nowhere. What are "suicidal thoughts" too and when do they become a danger? I think of suicide almost every day but I know I will never do it; I visualize killing myself like it's part of a movie in my head and not concrete thoughts of doing it IRL- almost just like my brain is indulging itself when I feel at my lowest. Same with anger - I never react publicly and always bottle it up, but just this morning a woman on the bus was coughing so much I almost snapped and told her to shut the fuck up (what could she do?! hold the coughs in?!). I hate almost all people, and not in that edgy emo teen type of way either, literally any small thing about them will just set me off.

I can't tell if my problems are serious enough or not.

 

I would make an appointment and get an evaluation. You can't be too careful so just go if you have the means too. They can see what's wrong and help you fix it. Hope this helps.

 

I can identify with you on both the depression and anger. It's definitely not fun feeling those things and I honestly still struggle with it daily. Whenever I've been asked about suicidal thoughts in therapy or a psych dr appointment, I've tended to say that I have moments where I wish i were dead and will even just mutter "please kill me" to myself, but that I would never do it and think it would be selfish for all those who care about me. Obviously it's concerning, but no doc or therapist seems to consider it suicidal for me.

Still think it's worth looking into and working on. Therapy is a very long process and not a quick fix, but I think everyone can benefit from it.

For me, I just have this constant fear of failure and zero ability to accept anything, so I beat myself up over every small thing, and when I flip out because of it on occasion, I immediately start beating myself up again, feeling super guilty. Makes it hard to accept what I perceive to be a mistake or failure, and puts me into those "I just wish I were dead" thoughts.

 

I can feel myself slipping back into depression and I really don't even care anymore

 

A friend of mine, has been very excitedly looking forward to the birth of his son.
He was delivered 12 weeks early. Unfortunately, due to so many complications, including their child being born with Down Syndrome, leukemia, hydrops and anemia, their son dies 5 days after birth.

Absolutely heartbroken for him, first death I've had close to me since my Mum, so I'm hoping I can hold it together for him. Going to be a very hard day.

 

Oh my god I can't even imagine :( I'm heartbroken for him, too! I'm really sorry

 

I can't get out of my head today. Even my conversation with my mom felt off, and I pretty much always feel better after talking with her.

 

Saw this and thought of everyone in this thread Self-Care Week 2016 - The Blurt Foundation

Hugs for everyone

 

My brother has done this in the past, and I looked at all the stuff he was doing with the psychiatrist - total crap. Just gonna power through and do this in the meantime

That's reassuring so thanks - I feel thoughts of me killing myself are reactionary, so instead of reacting to the garbage stuff that is constantly happening around me I'm just gonna try the old 'be dead inside' trick to combat it. I am too sensitive.