The Parenting Thread • Page 164

I too was hit as a child along with my two sisters. I feel like the boomer generation couched hitting your kids in the language of “spankings” to soften the blow so to speak, but hitting is hitting is hitting. If you are using an object to strike your child in an act of aggression, submission, “character building”, however you define it, then you are making a conscious choice to use an act of physical harm to instill fear redefined as “love” which is damaging in a way that child will never forget. It will stay with them forever and it is not going to go the way you think. I have gotten frustrated with my children, but never once have I thought or felt the desire to hit them. I don’t feel that because I love them and when you love someone you simply do not hurt them. So simple even a child could understand it, and if they can then so can you. Full stop.

 

Couldn't put that better myself. Bravo.

 

i was hit as a child and grew up in a house with DV and couldn’t functionally conceive of ever wanting to do that to holly, no matter the circumstances. joking about it seems like a totally foreign concept to me, which, along with no avatar, is why my first instinct was that they were a bot lol

 

It's just the easiest definition of failing as a parent. Very weird thing to post online but some people just must be edgy. Load that dude up with scene points.

 

He's gonna be loaded with some other points pretty quick here

 

I'll bite. Will probably delete this. Trigger warning about...the subject matter.

My child was physically abused. Not by me and not by his mother, but by an adult in his life while his mother was working. That person is now thankfully deceased. It happened while he was in his mother's custody and I sped as fast as I could to be there for him. I saw the marks on him and for months I saw the way he reacted differently when any adult male raised their voice at him. I still see him so close to breaking down crying any time someone is upset with him. I still notice that he can't talk to adult men like me in his life in the same way he can talk to adult women. The psychological damage is real, it's still very deeply there and I could go for hours about the minutia but you get the picture. We are doing everything we can to address it in a healthy way. No one deserves what he went through. I know spankings are ~"different"~ but it's a very fucking blurry line and seeing someone be so cavalier about "hitting their kids" makes my blood boil. It's nothing but monstrous.

Love y'all.

 

Fwiw, I don't know if he's going to respond to posts in here or my DM, but he has been warned and points hVe been issued. No room for that in here

 

What an insane first post in the thread! Surely it’s a troll post.

I was whipped with belts and the family paddle (insane that it was handed down through generations) as a kid and have never, even in my worst moments as a parent, thought about hitting my kid.

 

My dad whipped my brother and I with his belt and he also made me wash my mouth out with a bar of soap for saying a bad word.

 

Me and my siblings were hit as kids. It's awful as fuck and the parent who did it regrets it so much and apologised to us in adulthood. I wouldn't say it was traumatic, but I didn't learn anything from it. All it gave me was fear of doing the wrong thing, or fear of god forbid, "a mistake".

I have a wonderful 22-month old son and another little one on the way. My wife and I will never lay a fucking finger on them.

 

did anything come out of that post

 

Not yet. They haven’t posted anything since then.

 

Message I just got back said "my bad"

 

so weird

 

So I think I might unfortunately be heading towards a divorce. We have two kids together.

I’m having a pretty difficult time with all of this. I was wondering if anyone who has been through this could give me any advice?

 

I am sorry you’re going through that. I have been through that when mine was 2. Wasn’t easy but I’m glad we did it while she was young and got her into a parenting routine she seems comfortable with. Ultimately we weren’t going to be a happy family so I’m glad we did it when we did it.

 

Very sorry to hear. My parents divorced early when I was 2 and honestly it was for the better. I know you probably don’t want to hear that.

 

Yeah the only thing I can speak to is being a child that had divorced parents. My good buddy just went through a divorce and has two kids (7,10) and it seems like now that the dust has settled everyone is in a better place.

 

Thank you for the responses

We are both children of divorce. My kids are 4 and 10

We have issues in our marriage but I never thought that we would be at this point

 

I’m really sorry

 

Damn, man. Really sorry to hear.

 

I don't have any advice, but I read a book recently where the writer talks about his divorce.

What resonated is that divorce doesn't make you a failure. Staying in a situation that isn't working and may lead you into not being the best parent and partner, that's failure.

 

So technically I got divorced 2 years ago but we have been off and on over that time. We have 2 kids, one being a 2 year old and the other is 10. Earlier this summer we separated again and I moved out of the house. The 2 year old hasn’t shown much change, it’s all he’s ever known. However he’s also in that terrible twos stage which my oldest never went through. So I don’t know if it’s because of the situation or just normal testing of limits. The 10 year old is struggling a little but he is also the type to hold his feelings in, even good ones. He’s done therapy off and on but nothing seems to help. The thing that kills me the most is my 2 year old has bad separation anxiety. Always has but now he can fully talk and form sentences and everything. And his big thing that he tells everyone is “don’t leave me”. Kills me every time. But me and baby mama are in this weird situation where we can’t let each other go but also won’t fully commit either. And it’s not doing the kids any good. So I guess all that to say my only piece of advice would be to rip and the bandaid off and push through… because the situation that I’m in isn’t helping anyone move on

 

This is something I’m worried about with my 4 year old. He’s not going to understand what’s going on at all and my 10 year old will be devastated