Mental Health Thread • Page 460

Good luck!!

 

OCD is such a fucker. My wife is supposed to start a new job on Monday with a company she worked for (and really liked) in college. Only thing is, there was a very minor incident involving someone else there during that initial employment. It wasn't a big deal, no one was injured, no one even knows it happened. But she's starting to have an actual nervous break about starting this job and I just feel awful about it. She's convinced someone else will find out and she'll get fired "or worse." She's afraid to talk to her therapist about it because "your phone listens to you." It's heartbreaking because I obviously recognize how irrational this all is, but it's enough to distress her so much that she might as well have not left the last job. It's scary and it sucks because I think she'll enjoy this job and it could be a great opportunity for her, if she could just work through that one thing. But like I said, she's afraid to even talk to someone other than me about it, and I don't have the training or strategies to help her get past it.

 

Have a positive update for at least some of this. I'm going to Round1 with a couple local friends tomorrow. It doesn't exactly replace the plans I originally made with the Pittsburgh friend, but it'll still be fun and I need to do something other than wallow in misery. The bills have been dealt with. My sister is still a constant headache, but it is what it is.

 

I wanna try to get my ADHD under control without medication, I don’t like how they make me feel but it’s so much harder to deal without it.

 

So much loneliness

 

Well they offered me the job and after agonizing for a day about it, I decided to accept. I hope I made the right decision.

It’s a huge change and everything is happening so fast. I didn’t even know I was being considered for the position until last Monday! And now I’m moving into their housing on Sunday and starting the job Monday. It’s been a crazy last week. I actually broke down out of nowhere today and started crying because of how overwhelming everything is and how I couldnt believe I was offered the job.

I’m very anxious and imagining everything that could go wrong but I decided to go for it anyway. It seemed like too good of an opportunity to pass up. I’m worried my sleep disorder will interfere with my performance. I’m also worried about moving out because of my mom’s health issues. I’ve been giving her a lot of support and won’t be able to support her as much now that I’m moving out and full time employed.

I am excited for this next chapter, there’s just a lot of anxiety competing with the excitement

 

I got my first big check Friday and it was even bigger than I was expecting and today I made more money than I’ve ever made in an 8 hour serving shift in my entire life, but it was so stressful and chaotic and I was making all kinds of mistakes and just couldn’t catch up and felt like I was constantly one step behind all my tables and giving really bad service. Most people were very nice and forgiving but I definitely had some people who complained but the manager on duty knew that we had a call out which left us with only two people on the floor which is simply not enough for a busy Saturday breakfast and lunch. It was just huge flash backs to the same shit I went through at my last job and while the money is significantly more so I can deal with it I also kind of got the vibe this kind of thing wouldn’t happen here when I was interviewing and training and while I understand shit happens it’s the service industry I also think it’s pretty bullshit when they’ll hound how important good customer feedback is and then put me in a situation my second week out of training where I’m basically set up to fail. Really bad taste in my mouth after todays shift. I even told my trainer today when she came in and asked how things were doing and she just said well hopefully that won’t happen again (someone calling out) but like lol it’s obviously gonna happen again however looking to next weeks schedule we do seem to have enough coverage in the event it does happen again so maybe she’s right. Idk. Just stressed and tired and hoping this person who called out shows up tomorrow but I also don’t blame her because calling out is normal and it’s on the management team to figure things out. So of course they stuck us with a PM manager with no clue how to run a morning shift today. Quickly remember why I don’t like this line of work sometimes. Sometimes I absolutely love it though. And like I said…this is a completely different level of financial stability I’ve been chasing my entire adult life and coming up way, way short. I’m finally able to see a light at the end of this very long tunnel I’ve been in financially

 

Just tired of taking shit all the time.

 

today was somehow both better and worse at work, better because I did much better with my tables and didn’t feel like I was fucking up nearly as much (I’m also not perfect and very much still learning things and getting used to it all) but god damn there was just weird, weird tension between everybody working today even between me and a couple other people we were all just not getting on and I was stressed because I was getting slammed with table after table very close to the end of my shift which obviously means I would have to stay way later than normal and tried to explain to another server why I needed to ring my last table in under her because they were still waiting for one more person and I didn’t want the sales numbers on my check out if I wasn’t going to keep them, however I was extremely tired and busy and I could not explain what exactly I needed and why in a timely enough manner for her and she snapped at me to find her when I can communicate clearly. So yeah I was supposed to be done at 4 pm and didn’t get home til almost 6:30. Again, made amazing money, but now I have to be in again at 6 am tomorrow and barely have time to do anything tonight which is the entire point of working morning shifts. Frustrating. At least I’m off the next two days after tomorrow. There are some things I really like about the job, I like the overall company culture a lot tbh but fuck the restaurant front of house culture is fucking baaaad. It certainly won’t be a job where I make friends lol

 

First day of my wife's new job tomorrow and my parents' hearing with the asshole whose dog mailed them, praying both go well. I will be at the hearing.

 

The excitement has begun to take over the anxiety, thankfully! After moving in yesterday (to a nine bedroom historic mansion in the Marin headlands!) I feel better. It’s a really nice house, my room is spacious, it’s in a beautiful area, my housemates seem nice, etc. I saw Billy Strings last night after I moved in, got home around 10:45, and woke up at like 4am and couldn’t get back to sleep which is very atypical for me, but I think I’m just excited. Decided to take a pre-dawn walk around the lagoon and to the beach and it was stunning, plus so much wildlife out! I ran into a guy with binoculars and he had spotted river otters and let me look at them through his binocs. All that to say, I think this was the right decision, and I think living here will suit me well!

 

Hell yeah, that sounds amazing man. Continuing to wish the best for you! Enjoy!

 

Yep just played ticket to ride with some of my housemates, they seem like great people. Tired but happy!

btw, still down to try and do zoom hangout/support group if there’s enough interest. As happy as I am right now, I do anticipate the transition having its challenges, and I think I’ll need as much support as I can get. Also, I’m guessing I’ll have plenty of stories to tell haha

 

From 6am this morning. Rodeo Beach:

 

If anyone interested wants to like this post, I can get a group chat going and try to get something on the calendar. No pressure!

 

The hearing with my parents' yesterday had me so worked up in the morning that I could hardly do anything with myself. We got there with a couple of neighbors that share their concern and their civil attorney, who was only there to observe (not to speak), and the dog's owner got upset and decided he wanted a lawyer. Plus, one of the cops didn't show up because he got called out to an incident, and he's needed to prosecute, which is insane to me because I guess cases get dismissed all the time when this happens and it's like...it's not even built into their schedule? Anyways, we wanted a court recorder and we'll get our wish now because they "continued" (delayed) the hearing for another one-two months, but it's also extremely frustrating because I just want this part of the ordeal to be over for my parents. The judge came out and talked to us and said she had reviewed the evidence and wouldn't be dismissing the case because of the injuries and the amount of people it's affected, which hopefully bodes well for us, but I just don't trust the law to take care of anyone the way it should. They can't even force him to muzzle the dog at this point because they fucked up the charges so bad.

Went out and splurged on a $50 Lego set I wanted that was 25% off afterwards, which is probably not a great way deal with my emotions.

 

Legos help my emotions unless I’m stepping on them!

 

Anyone here struggle with tinnitus? I have for a while and it seems to have spiked a little bit. I thought I suffered a ruptured ear drum or maybe had an infection but the doctor said my ear looks fine. I’ve been wearing ear plugs to concerts but probably need to actively turn down my headphone volume and wear ear plugs at my fitness classes that get loud. I think my biggest fear is that I’m just paying too much attention to it which only amplifies it and spikes my anxiety. It’s a terrible cycle all around.

 

My mom had it bad and recently had to get hearing aids which has helped tremendously

 

Not above getting hearing aids at 35

 

It is seriously awful having no one and being completely alone. Like when I went on that shitty date, I wanted someone to talk to but I don't really have anyone so I called my brother. Big mistake. He told literally everyone in the family about it without my permission and ever since they have all been making fun of me about it. Apparently the thought of someone wanting to go on a date with me is hilarious I guess!! And everyone knows how insecure I am about having never been in a relationship before and now they are teasing me bc my nephew just got a girlfriend and so now I get to hear how he is only 17 and has a girlfriend and I'm 33 and have only been on 1 single bad date. Thank you so much for reminding me constantly!! Not like I don't already hate myself enough!! It is just so hard when this is literally the only "support" I have.

 

I feel like my emotional needs are not being met at all and between that and the stresses of being a single parent, I just feel utterly burnt out.

 

I’m 36 and I got a pair of Rextons from Costco, they have immeasurably improved my life so don’t be afraid to get them now at your age.

 

These are OTC? Was it for tinnitus?

 

I learned not too long ago that my anxiety can make my tinnitus worse, which also caused auditory hallucinations. Fun times!