Mental Health Thread • Page 451

It sucks

 

The most infuriating part is that the democratic party basically willed this into existence

 

Yes!

 

Between the debate and the supreme court right now I just don't think I can live in America anymore. I can't live in a place where they throw homeless people in jail, teach the bible in public schools with the ten commandments on the walls, spend billions of dollars of taxpayers money to destroy other countries and revoke women's healthcare rights.

I can't do this anymore.

 

I have no idea how I could possibly have any hope

 

Sometimes I think I would just explode if I didn't have TV to distract me during my free time. It's so unhealthy. I always need something to distract myself from my negative thoughts

 

I honestly don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Comics, video games, and novels are my top three things in my free time. If it helps, it helps.

 

My problem is it's like the only thing I have left that keeps me sane. My meds don't do enough. I've become agoraphobic since the pandemic. I never go anywhere other than work twice a week and curbside groceries at Walmart. Alienated myself from all of my friends. Don't even have a passion for my previous hobbies that I always loved like comics, videogames, playing guitar and singing, I just don't do it anymore. Or I force myself for a little bit, get bored, and then go back to TV

 

I just feel completely insane sometimes. Like everyone else is living in an alternate reality.

 

Once I get myself to get out of the apartment, I'm happy. It's just getting myself there that's the hard part. Going up north with my dad and sister over father's day was the happiest I've been in ages

 

I feel ya, man. Really. I'm sorry, it really sucks and I get it

 

Someone randomly asked me recently if I ever go to my father’s grave. It was a weird question, but I told them honestly, no. I’ve said before that I’m not religious. I even asked my wife recently why atheists visit graves if they don’t believe in souls or the afterlife. She said it just helps them get in the mindset to reflect and remember. My dad died two months after I was born and he was 20. What would I remember if I didn’t know him? What can I reflect on? Idk. Maybe I should. Maybe being there would change my perspective. Or to just say I did it.

 

I really dislike myself right now, seasonal depression sucks

 

i’m sorry that happened to you and your family, and i just want to share that i’m in the exact same situation, except it was my mom. i was 6 weeks old when she died. minimal pictures or mementos or anything like that. my dad just didn’t (and still doesn’t) talk about it. i’ve compared it to the feeling of when a celebrity dies. it’s sad, i know it’s sad, but i can’t exactly mourn for someone i never met. i can wonder what my life would have been if she lived, but i rarely do. not to be all “things happen for a reason” but by the time i was old enough to understand her absence i was also old enough to know how to survive without her. i’ve been to her grave once, when my grandma/her mom passed. they were buried side by side. i was a teenager by then. i remember feeling more guilty than anything else, because i thought it was supposed to be revelatory or moving or whatever and it just… wasn’t. so, i guess, more than most, i get it.

 

Just had my first session with my new therapist. It was just an intake, but this is my probably my 5th therapist, and the first one to ever mention the words "treatment plan" and give me homework. Hopeful this actually works out.

 

intakes are so fucking brutal I’ve done probably a dozen or more

 

I actually kinda liked this one. It was nice to vent. The only thing that worried me is someone like a neighbor hearing what I'm saying because I'm doing all of this online instead of a private office.

 

I went to an intake once, spilled my guts, and they told me they don't think I'm a serious case enough but could find me a 3 month therapist. Then they never called me back but sent me a bill in the mail

 

I'm essentially being forced/strong armed into attending a company luncheon. I've tried to make it obvious that I don't want to go by asking if it's mandatory and being told it's not, but it's something they like to do for new hires. I'm scared to outright say I don't want to go. Not sure how I'm going to be able to handle this. My anxiety has been at an all time high lately and that's why I decided to get back into therapy and I'm trying to take medication again.

I hate company functions.

 

I would go if I'm a salaried worker, otherwise fuck that. I also hate company functions, they're the absolute worst. Unless it's during the actual work day and I get paid for it

 

I'm not salaried, and I don't even care if I get paid for attending it. I wish my boss would take my hint when I keep asking if I need to go, because I've asked more than once. The idea of having to attend is making my stomach hurt and my body keeps getting really warm.

 

im so exhausted. i had a phone interview today and have two in person interviews tomorrow and its like.... i hate the fact i have to go through this extremely daunting process of searching for a job, interviewing for jobs, training for a job, and then getting comfortable at my job. as a relapsing addict its a process ive had to do many times as i have to throw a torch to burn it all down and start over every time, its been 8 years now since the first time my addiction cost me job and since then pretty much only one job HASNT resulted in my unceremoniously leaving because i fucked up in one way or another due to my addiction and couldnt bring myself to go back. im tired. i have to go through the whole getting a job process and then i have to meet a bunch of new people get into a new rhythm and figure out how things work at a different establishment and its all so overwhelming. im only just now starting the interview process so the next couple weeks are going to be soul crushing. thankfully i have three very good opportunities as of right now and im sure to land something. i just hope this is the last time i have to do this in this fashion. realistically im not gonna stay at the same job forever but leaving on good terms for a different opportunity is much different than what ive been doing for almost a decade now.

 

Yeah the job search process can be torture. I just started another one and just updating the resume and cover letter brought me a sense of dread.

 

I updated my resume 6 months ago to apply to a specific job and planned on applying to more and just have no desire to go through that bullshit even though I don’t love my current job.

 

I’m also currently looking and absolutely dread updating cover letters/resumes. Hope you all land something good soon!