Mental Health Thread • Page 448

can we please not turn this thread into a shit show as well?

 

Mental health issues are not your fault but they are your responsibility. I’ve gotten plenty heated with a lot of people on this website and never said something like that to anyone.

 

He called Josh a bitch and to suck his dick. I dont give a shit who you are, you dont talk to someone like that.

 

That deserved to be removed either personally or by a mod, there are no disagreements there.

Fair enough. Agreed with the messaging, but not the message. No one deserves to be called a 'piece of shit' either. Flag a mod, or just simply say 'that's not cool'. Most people typing in the heat of the moment will immediately scale back and say sorry the minute when called out.

Participating in, and reading / rereading the thread from yesterday, I can see how it was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back. Often times there's a trend here in which you get to be mean, and the likes get piled on, when you're on the more popular side of the argument (and I'm talking benign threads, doesn't even have to be a topic like accountability). There are multiple posts a week that come across as too personal / uncivil for the community that this place is 90% of the time. No one wants to be personally attacked and bullied on a website that they chose to spend their downtime on (Josh included and I am not defending how they were treated at all).

I am disengaging though as others have stated, this is not the discussion meant for this thread and I apologize to all that I dragged in here and those that were distracted by it.

 

please don’t call my friend a bitch

telling him to suck your dick is beyond uncalled for

 

yeah this is my last post about it

I get along well with all of you and just hate to see it all honestly

hope cooler heads prevail

 

I don’t know any of the stuff that was going on and I’m not going to involve myself in it, nor do I have any issues with any of the users in this thread. But this definitely isn’t the space for it to go into specific detail or carry it on.

 

Sorry you’re at a low point. Totally understand if you need to step away for your mental health and all that comes with it. Just know I do give a fuck and your voice has been an important one for me on here in regards to addiction, life, perspective, music, art, etc. And you most definitely don’t deserve to have bad things happen to you.

 

When you say what Sophos said, you do not get to have your feelings saved from others calling you out. But you dont have to agree with me(im sure you wont) but I have no tolerance for anyone who acts like that.


I agree with everyone else here about moving on.

 

Taking a step back from this site if it’s negatively impacting your mental health is a good idea. I was a much more frequent poster on Absolutepunk but I tired of the vibe there and now only really post in a select few threads that rarely get personal and/or controversial. But I wish the best for you and hope that you will come back when you are in a better place.

 

I wasn’t going to say anything else but I’m feeling suicidal after reading people carrying on about me. for those unaware I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder along with the long standing diagnosis of substance use disorder and major depressive disorder. I’m sorry I’m not a model patient of mental illness. It manifests in truly ugly ways that make me disgusted with myself which explains my history of ideation and attempts. I’m going to therapy in the morning and half expect to get admitted after I tell her what’s going on in my brain. I thought this thread was a safe place to let it out when I got heated and I never should have come back to check. Thanks to the few of you who cared to say kind things. And to the one person who actually bothered to consider where I was coming from.

 

They could rename this site Jake.fm and I’d still log on every day. Stay strong brother.

 

I know people saying this over and over again can sound trite, I know a lot of the things people say to me when my anxiety is high just sound like garbage in the moment...but knowing all that stuff about your mental health, you should be easier on yourself man. I remember when you came back after your last hiatus (or maybe you just had been pposting elsewhere and not in the GenPol thread), you had a very "don't give a fuck" attitude for lack of a better term, and it was great to see because it seemed to be helping you deal with all the nasty shit in the world. I feel like a total hypocrite/fraud saying this because I came to this thread to bitch about my anxiety and my current inability to deal with it, but you should know that you won't ALWAYS be able to keep that attitude going, you're going to have slip ups and relapses. It's frustrating as hell, but don't let it make you disgusted with yourself. I'm not saying to excuse your behavior if you don't approve of it personally, but at the same time, don't let it make you so disgusted with yourself that you're feeling suicidal either. Because hey, you know what's causing it! It's not like you're choosing to act that way with a purpose, it just fucking happens when the imbalances overcome the coping mechanisms. It happens with all mental illnesses. Again, doesn't mean you have to excuse it, you can definitely be disappointed with yourself...just don't go beating yourself up about it so much that you get to that dark place. I know, I know, easier said than done, but obviously most of the regulars in this place know at least parts of your story, if not a lot of it, so a lot of folks are going to understand what's going on and may be hurt initially but also know you're probably just having a rough go of it. But, again, I sound like a fucking asshole saying all this as my very next post in this thread is going to be about how I'm having trouble controlling my anxiety! Hope you feel better man

 

I take back every mean thing I ever said about you David

 

So about a month ago I had to be rushed to the hospital with some weird heart arrhythmia. Between the EMTs, the ER doctor, the PA at my cardiologists office, and my cardiologist, I seem no closer to answers. I've been told everything from AFib, Vtach, PVC triplets, PVC run, etc. I never had anxiety until I had another type of arrhythmia back in 2016 called SVT. I had had bouts of SVT all my life, usually once a year starting from the age 13 on, and usually when doing something athletic that got adrenaline flowing high. I still remember the first time it happened, I was trying out to play TE for my peewee football team after being an OLineman my whole career and I dropped down to catch a pass and the adrenaline rush hit as I caught the ball...suddenly my heart was beating north of 220BPM....Had no idea what was going on, eventually it stopped on its own after a minute or two. ANd then I'd have a bout of it once a year ever year until I was 20. But I digress....happened again when i was 26, but this time I was older and starting to know hey I'm not invincible, so I had surgery to fix the SVT and my anxiety after that was through the roof. Had my first anxiety/panic attacks, etc.

Well, since all my anxiety centers around my heart and the arrhythmia's i've had and worrying they'll kill me and etc...it had slowly died down for the last 7-8 years since the surgery fixed the SVT and my heart seemed pretty healthy. I've had checkups and other tests done over the years since I've had certain feelings with it, but nothing that ever sent my anxiety super high.

So yeah brings me back to the last month. Since I had the episode, I'm fucking terrified. It could be benign, it could be something that increases my risk of sudden cardiac death. I'm fairly certain having covid a couple months before is the main culprit, since heart arrhythmias including PVCs and AFib are increasingly common with the aftermath of Covid. I have a kid, we're trying for another one, I have a job where I have to stand and deliver all day, etc....I'm fucking terrified of dying, I'm terrified my anxiety will still be high come August and I won't be able to teach, since a big trigger for my anxiety seems to be the fear of something happening with my heart in front of students/other people, etc. I have an appointment with a electrophysiologist (the same type of doctor that did my surgery, they deal with the electrical parts of the heart and do catheter ablation surgeries and such) in early July, which is so close but also feels excruciatingly far away. We're going on vacation between now and then, I'm no longer on the heart monitor they had me wearing, etc. I'm terrified of something happening when we're at the beach, when we're out to eat, when we're at this 80s band concert we're supposed to be at down there, etc. I mostly just don't want to die lol, but even just the idea of something happeing with my heart htat doesn't kill me scares me. And then at this appointment, I might find out hey they want to do another ablation. Which I mean it's considered a minor procedure, but it's still a surgery where they cut into your major arteries (or veins?) and thread a catheter to your heart to burn part of it. So, it's not without risks like any other surgery. Fucking sucks!

So yeah, my anxiety is at the worst it's been since like 2018, if not spring of 2016. It fucking sucks. The worst part is, because my anxiety is so triggered by an actual physical health thing, and there is actually something going on that either could be dangerous (or is benign but definitely terrifying), all the usual tricks and practices to lower my anxiety aren't currently working. Like, telling myself the feelings I'm having are just anxiety and anxiety isn't dangerous and etc...unfortunately doesn't work, especially since anxiety actually can trigger heart arrhythmias lol. What a fucking hell. Just needed to vent it out because goddamn I hate living in this state of not knowing what the fuck is going on.

 

Wow

 

Sorry I’ve been away from my phone the last day due to being on vacation. Don’t want to start anything up again but Jake you’re a fantastic user and I really hope you’re ok. David also need to read that post but I’m glad you’re ok

 

To that user who apparently told someone to suck his d etc. wtf leave

 

that was me we really don’t need to keep talking about it lol

 

The ugly truth of it all is that I am an addict who is not only addicted to this website but craves any sort of community to latch onto and feel belonging which is why my borderline kicks into overdrive and I say nasty things when that feels threatened. It’s a trademark symptom of the disorder. If I feel ostracized I’ll really give you as reason to ostracize me, that way I can go feel bad for myself later. Literally wouldn’t wish this way of thinking and behaving on anyone. I’ve been doing it for as long as I can remember.

Anyway the necessary people are on ignore and I have put the necessary threads on ignore. I don’t come to this website to argue with people anymore, I don’t come to this website to get mad about things I have zero control over, I just want to talk about video games and music with people I for the most part consider friends. I felt really sad last night when I had nowhere else to turn but here and came back to this thread, defeated, only to see people carrying on about me and another one of my embarrassing actions.

Things are pretty empty for me out there in the real world right now. Everything fell apart in a real life mental breakdown back in February which was the culmination of a psychotic run that started back in October. I came really close to ending my life. I was physically and mentally sicker than I’ve ever been and I’m far from recovered. It’s really hard. I carry around skeletons like you wouldn’t believe. I don’t know what to do half the time. I don’t like to think of myself as fragile or broken but I kind of am aren’t I.

all that said the situation should’ve never come into this thread and I take the blame for that I was just trying to vent and signal to some people who I thought might care that I was in a bad spot after what had happened. I didn’t intend for anyone to keep going and I’d like to just move on

 

This is wild to read. I wake up with my heart racing sometimes, but it's usually when I have a nightmare or wake up mid-anxiety attack (which happens semi-regularly) and considering the news I posted a few days ago, this makes me want to get in with a PCP and do what I can to get as healthy as possible for my family. I'm sorry you're going through this, but I'm thankful for you posting it and I'm glad you see someone next month. I hope those answers bring you closer to figuring out a solution or at least finding some peace, man.

 

This sucks and I’m sorry to hear it’s going on. I also have a lot of anxiety around my heart and health and death too. Just two weekends ago I was having a panic attack but was convinced I was ODing on caffeine because I had two iced lattes and a handful of chocolate covered espresso beans and some lack of sleep the previous few nights so I made kaitie drive me to the ER at 11pm lol. My bp was like 180/130, my heart rate was 180+, my left arm was tingling, and I was having body shakes. Basically a Benadryl and $700 later I was perfectly fine. But I haven’t been exercising the past month or so, been gaming a lot instead of spending time with friends and family, and work stress has been high. I haven’t been taking care of my body or mental health and my body not so gently reminded me of that.

I know people telling you you’re fine doesn’t help and sometimes for me it just makes me mad, but it sounds like you have also been seen by plenty of professionals that went to many years of higher education and have many years of experience. If something was so bad that they didn’t think you could do your job or travel then I’m sure they would tell you and schedule your procedure sooner.

Have you looked into seeing a therapist about your anxiety on your health and dying? Or at least developing some skills around handling panic and anxiety when it comes up. It’s been super helpful for me these past few years even if a few times things like box breathing or focus shifting don’t work.

 

I'm broken beyond repair. This is bad.

 

How do y’all feel about crystals?
I’m an atheist and don’t believe in an afterlife, spirits and ghosts, or a higher power. My wife was interested in tarrot cards when I first met her for a bit, but that’s it. But ever since the miscarriage, she’s been into crystals. She has books on them and there’s a crystal store by our new place she wants to check out. It doesn’t bother me, I guess. If someone can find comfort and believe in something in a positive way, sure why not. I just didn’t expect this lol.

 

I had a very close friend growing up who later got into all that stuff and it was very weird to see especially when he dropped out of college (eventually went back) and was just into some very out there philosophical things lol I don’t think he’s very into it anymore but I know his wife is into like witch type stuff so idk lol I take the same stance as you if it helps people heal and process grief and trauma go for it but it’s completely lost on me. And I have a history with psychedelic drugs you’d associate with that kind of stuff but yeah no not my thing