Mental Health Thread • Page 444

tw: suicidal thoughts

I think my wife may be suicidal. She came home after a bad day at work today in a way I haven't seen her since college. Crying, but more importantly, storming around, throwing things around, would hardly talk to me. Turns out she had to work with a sick kid and felt uncomfortable putting on a mask and now her OCD is going crazy about getting sick. It probably doesn't help that she's off her meds. When I did finally get her to talk to me, she listed a bunch of things that were making her unhappy (some of them in our control, some of them out of our control, none of them me) but kept saying that she basically doesn't enjoy anything and doesn't see a point in life, which is new to me and shocking to hear and made me feel horrible. I told her she should quit her job as it's a big part of it, but she won't listen to me. I can't tell how much of this is overreaction due to her medication situation and how much of it is how she really feels, but it's scaring me and I don't know what to do or say to make her feel better.

 

I'll never say anything with absolute certainty when it comes to mental health because it's very different for each person but in my experience with mental health and OCD is that medication changes can be absolutely devastating. I had to go to a hospital for a few days because of how badly it wrecked my brain. I imagine something similar might be happening with her. Everything is just heightened. It's like you got a superpower but the superpower is that your emotions are on all the time and they're in overdrive. It can be quite unbearable.

I love how much you're thinking about her and caring about her well-being. It shows how good of a person and partner you are. I hope you two figure something out that works for both of you and that maybe she takes a different career path if it's affecting her mental health that much.

All the best to you.

 

Did something set all of this off?

 

Over the past year, I’ve had noticeable changes in my hearing and it’s completely changed parts of my life, in this case music. I’ve got new hearing aids, which sorta helps out but it’s not perfect.

 

today's the last day of school for the kids i was working with up until december. i was let go without warning, given a bullshit excuse, and wasn't allowed to say goodbye. i've largely moved on, found another job i really like and all that, but it still weighs on me, particularly this morning. my alarm woke me up from a dream about visiting them and seeing them "graduate" 5th grade. i know they're okay and i'm (mostly) okay but it stings quite a bit right now.

 

Apologies in advance for the long post.

I'm feeling really emotional/confused/overwhelmed by all of this this morning. I laid down with my wife last night, we talked a little, I listened, gave my thoughts, and eventually she calmed down. But just like she doesn't want to go to the doctor for whatever stomach issue she's having because she's a medical professional and "they can't do anything about it," she doesn't want to bother talking to her therapist about "not wanting to do life" anymore because "it's been this way my whole life, she can't do anything about it." "I'm just being dramatic." Her emotions ramp from 0 to 100 and back to 0, and it's just so hard to keep up with. Like I said, last night was the first time in 10 years I've heard her say anything along those lines. We both struggle with depression, but I've never seen her so worked up that she actually told me there was no point to living. That scared the shit out of me, and now, I don't know how seriously or personally to take that and what to do about it.

It's not like she's doing any of this maliciously, but it affects me. She came down and basically said "My problems aren't real problems because other people have it worse." Which is obviously not true, and I'm guilty of feeling that way too sometimes, but it's like...you don't get to have a meltdown that serious and then shrug it off and not do anything about it after the fact. I want what's best for her and whatever will make her the happiest, but she has to want that, too. Nothing's going to change if she doesn't take me up on identifying some first steps together. She'd rather bury it all until it all comes up again. And that takes a toll on both of us.

edit: one last thing that's hard to tiptoe around is her hypersensitivity about being a burden. I can relate to this. But as an example, I'm supposed to get dinner and see a movie with some friends after work. After last night, I no longer want to do this - just don't feel up to it, would rather be at home with her. But the moment I'm like, "Hey, I think I'm gonna stay home tonight," she gets super upset about the fact that I'm doing it because of her and acting like it's her fault that I'm missing out on something fun. I obviously don't think about it that way - I just want to be home with her, but skipping out on this thing I don't really feel like doing now is going to turn into something really personal for her.

TL;DR It's a very tough balancing act to know when I should be around, when I shouldn't, when to expect communication, and when I should be trying to mind read someone I love deeply who is going through it.

 

Thank you and thanks @SpeckledSouls for their comments last night. I'm confident we can get there. Just need her to want and accept help.

 

I can relate to all of this a lot. It’s really hard to see someone you love struggling and the 0 to 100 back to 0 stuff causes such emotional whiplash it makes you feel insane too when all you want to do is help. Just hang in there and do what you can for her, you’re a great partner

 

Thanks a bunch, homie. I appreciate you.

 

I've read some things about grieving the loss of yourself and how hard it can be to move forward as a new you. Your hearing changing may make things harder and you can't enjoy things the way you used to, but I hope you are able to find new ways to enjoy those same things or maybe new things entirely. I'm glad the hearing aids are helping.

I honestly just want everyone to be able to love and enjoy what they're passionate about. I think it's something a lot of us in here struggle with for one reason or another.

 

My body dysmorphia is just so bad I feel so out of touch with myself. Like I can’t quit fixating on my hair and everything “bad” about it right now so I’m obsessively trying to find a new hairstyle but idk if it really even looks bad on me or it’s just me hating myself. I’m super focused on losing weight but I’m technically at a normal BMI for my height, I eat pretty healthy and exercise so I’m like should I really be trying to lose a few pounds or is it just me hating my body? It’s just a constant every day thing and I keep comparing myself to how I used to look/others and I just spiral. Idk how to stop doing this. I just want to even be okay with my body/face/appearance. Even if I’m never super confident or anything, whatever. I’d take just being comfortable with myself at this point!

 

I have a car again I’m so fucking happy I could cry it’s a cheap beat up 09 Camry with 200k miles but it fucking works baby

 

i also drive an 09 camry. rise up gang.

 

I wound up with a dark gray one but they had a baby blue one but it handled like absolute shit the one I wound up with is actually really solid

 

I drive a 2005 civic hybrid with 216k. bought it with 165k. Honda baby

 

yeah no matter what we (me and my dad who helped me) were gonna go with Toyota or Honda since they’re so reliable even with tons and tons of miles on em. Also got one with an aftermarket radio with a big touch screen and blue tooth so that’s clutch as fuck

 

One time my uncle told me he visited his friend who was a salesman at a dealership and saw a big gun on the wall. "Is that for burglars?," my uncle asked. "No," his friend replied, "that's for when.the Toyotas start acting up at night." It killed me and I still think about it all the time lol

 

+1 for Honda and Toyota. Other than a 93 Nissan G20, all of my cars have been Honda, Lexus or Acura and they were all great cars that lasted a while considering most of them were 20-30 years old.

Haven't needed any work done on my current '19 Civic other than replacing my brakes and battery because it sat for a long time while I waited for the title to transfer from my deceased grandparents. 16k miles.. she's gonna last a while

 

I might only buy camrys for the rest of my life tbh

 

My mom and sister loved their 2007 hybrid Camrys. But the hybrid batteries died in both somewhere around 100k miles and they are nott cheap haha

 

I got a 2016 rogue in 2022 that unfortunately needed a ton of work it had 160k miles when I got it and within a month needed a new transmission and battery. I had a 2011 Altima many years ago that I loved and my older brother sold his 2019 Altima to my dad for my little brother when he turns 16 so I know Nissans rule but I had bad luck with my rogue. That’s the one I totaled last year that left me without a car

 

My 09 ford escape with only 80k miles on it (bought in 2017) was the worst though that thing was in the shop at least twice a year and failed inspection one year. Also totaled that one. I gotta stop relapsing and driving after I do

 

Yeah, unfortunately Nissan's newer transmissions have been really hit or miss since they moved to CVT. My fiance's 2014 Rogue started having transmission problems at around 80-90k miles which is apparently normal for those cars. Insaaane haha.

 

yeah that’s wild lmao

 

Team Honda over here. That’s all I’ve ever had.