Mental Health Thread • Page 443

@xapplexpiex I hope you and your wife are doing ok. We lost our first pregnancy as well and it was very hard on my wife. Please take care of each other.

 

I just feel so inadequate compared to everyone else I know. They're all so attractive, intelligent, artistic and talented. I'm none of those things. I feel as though I have nothing of value. Nothing to offer the world and would be better off gone.

I so badly want the lives and personalities they have.

 

Got a new cat and my spirits immediately lifted despite some other hard stuff going on in my life right now. Hoping so badly she will get along with our resident cat when we officially introduce them!

 

I don't know how to stop hating everything. I've tried for so long but I just keep seeing people dying around me, my friends, my family. I see how selfish everyone is all across the world and I can't take it. I can't trust anyone. I'm so miserable. I'm just so broken.

 

Without trying to pry, are you in any kind of therapy service right now? I know it can be expensive, but lots of therapists will work on a sliding income-based scale. I only pay $25 for my visits. That and finally getting on medication really helped me when I was struggling and I don't think I would have made it this far without those tools. I don't know much about your situation (only the way you post), but if these aren't things you've pursued, I would highly recommend it.

 

I'm on a new medication and I'm in therapy, but I think my time with this particular therapist is over. It's just effective anymore. They're too much trying to be a friend than helping me address some deeper problems.

I'm just so burned by the world. I don't know how to move forward.

I think people don't realize how hard it is to go through so many things without having friends. Online friends are fine, but not having people actually in your daily life when you have heavy shit going on is fucking awful.

 

Thank you for looking out for me.

 

Hang in there. New medication takes time. I'd say if you're not happy with the results of therapy, looking for a new therapist is definitely a good call. Always wishing you the best of luck

 

I wish I could just flip a switch and change my brain completely. It's so so so difficult to change your whole mindset. I feel like some people don't understand how hard it can be.

 

I relate to this. A lot of beliefs about myself I’ve had since I was a little kid. When they are that engrained, it’s very hard to convince yourself otherwise.

 

I've had some since I've been a kid and then some that developed over the last five years. I always knew people sucked but I didn't think about it so much on a global and societal level and now that I do I can't turn it off.

I'm just sick of the cruelty, the selfishness, the arrogance, the belittling. It's too much for me. It makes me sad.

When it comes to my childhood stuff I just gave up too easily on everything and never stuck with something long enough to be good at it. Now I'm good at nothing and I'm scared I can't take care of myself.

 

having a hard time with my weight. getting off and staying off drugs is hard enough but the last couple times I’ve gotten clean my weight has taken off like never before and this time is the worst it’s ever been I saw the number on the scale today and wanted to die. It’s tough because I haven’t been able to be active much in months due to my infection in February. on top of detox and the normal changes your brain goes through anyway while getting clean (like my sweet tooth is ridiculous after I get off drugs) I’m also on medication that doesn’t directly cause weight gain but sure as shit doesn’t help since it causes water retention and fucks with my metabolism. not to mention I’m past 30 and my body is aging anyway but all of this combined has created a situation that has me feeling horrible about my self image. And I can tell it’s impacting me physically I get worn out super easy I’m pretty sure I have sleep apnea now and my digestive system is a complete and total mess I am nauseous and on the verge of throwing up or actually throwing up every single day when I wake up. I can’t stop late night snacking. Ugh. It’s so fucking hard man that addict thing in me has replaced the dope with food and I can’t turn it off it was hard enough when it was drugs now it’s something I actually need to survive. I don’t even know where to start I don’t have a primary care doc I just do an outpatient program rn where I have a psychiatrist and he’s brought up ozempic but I don’t have a job so I can’t afford it right now and that’s not gonna matter if I don’t make some lifestyle changes. I’m going out of town for a couple days tomorrow but when I get back I need to get serious and at least do some sort of physical activity every day for 30 minutes beyond just walking which I should be doing anyway. I just feel like fucking garbage about my body and I’m not used to this because yeah I’ve always hated myself on the inside but I can’t stand the sight of myself now and it’s fucking horrible

 

I relate to all of this. I know without a doubt a lot of my use ties into my disordered eating. I’ve always had issues with my weight (gaining and losing) / self-image as well as my eating habits and using that as a coping mechanism — even before I started using heavier drugs. Every time I stopped using, my food and sugar intake went nuts, even more so than before, and I gained weight fast. It’s partially why I’d start using again to lose the weight I gained and promise to myself I’d stop using ocne I did. Wish I had some actual advice to offer or more to say, but I get it and feel your pain.

 

I know I can drop 40-50 pounds in a matter of weeks on a drug binge it’s nuts but it somehow always comes back

 

I definitely feel that. Gained 100 lbs over a year and just can't seem to lose more than 10 lbs before I start back down the food addiction train

Didn't help that I ate like garbage my entire life but just used to have a really fast metabolism, so it didn't matter

 

Yep I was able to eat whatever til I was in my late 20s and then I had my first really long period of sobriety and gained close to 80 pounds in a year relapsed again lost 40 of it but have gained back all of it and then some

 

I know a few people who've stopped using and acquired a mad sweet tooth. They had to switch to sugar free sweets or healthier alternatives like fruit and lower cal options

But tbh as someone who works with those in recovery frequently, for what it's worth (which I know probably isn't much) when I see someone stop using they do often gain weight but in a way that looks so healthy and their skin is like glowing and radiating. So even if your appearance has changed in ways that feel negative I bet it's also changed in rly positive ways you may not notice because you see yourself every day

 

I really wish I didn't move into a unit with an inconsiderate asshole of a neighbor that plays music all day long. Worst part is that he's not technically breaking any rules, so he can't be forced to stop.

 

This is why I'm so worried to move into a new place

 

i hate when incredibly specific nuisances add up and cause my anxiety to boil over into a genuine panic attack.

my wife and i are checking out at the store, and my debit card declines. i try it a few times, running it manually and doing apple pay, and it still declines. my wife can’t pay because there was fraudulent activity on her card last week, so it’s been cancelled and she still hasn’t received a new one. so she just can’t access her money right now. my credit card is also maxed out so i can’t use that. i run to the bank which is .5 miles away and try to withdraw cash, but it won’t let me. so i spend 15 minutes trying to get through to a human in customer service on the phone, and when i do they tell me it’s because i hit my daily credit limit after paying rent and car insurance and there’s no literally nothing that can be done until tomorrow. meanwhile my wife is just waiting at the store. she remembers we have a $70 gift card at home but i have to run and get it because she didn’t have her wallet. thankfully we live two seconds away but still. so i do, but then we have to remove at least 20 individual items from our cart because our total was over $115. and they had one person working self check out and the store was slammed so it took literally half an hour. i got so anxious i had to leave and sit in the car because i was about to actually freak out.

wish i could let stuff like that not bother me so much but jesus christ

 

Yeah and he's retired so he's literally home all the time. He talks loudly with his daughter and friends too. I really don't understand people like that.

 

I'm losing my mind and I don't know what to do, I'm really scared

 

Rejected for the umpteenth time today for a job. Was the farthest I've ever been -- asked complete an editing exercise -- and that's as far as I got. I'm so incredibly done. So unbelievably fucking done. Now on top of just the constant stream of rejection, I'm wondering if I'm just a shitty editor. Now to start all over again in half a fucking hour with some other interview with a company that has a shit glassdoor score and pay band, but I'm fucking desperate. I'm going to go walk into traffic, I'm so done.

 

I was feeling really really bad about things just yesterday morning and in a day and a half a lot of things have seemed to just kind of click into place as I had some conversations with my partner yesterday and with my parents today about the future and my plans and me and my gfs plans and what the next few months looks like and I think we’ve got a lot figured out that was previously a big question mark and it’s making me feel way less anxious and way less scared about the future as it pertains to my sobriety and my relationship. I’ve still got a long way to go and a lot of work still ahead of me but as I’m coming up on fourth months since “the incident” that left me nearly dead and in the hospital my mental state feels much more stable than I would have thought at this point after what I went through.

 

It genuinely breaks my heart that I can’t listen to music like I used to. I had such dreams to make music on some level, now I can’t even go to shows any more and music doesn’t have the same dynamics any more. I’ve had a really hard time dealing with this, I feel heartbroken and depressed about not being able to really enjoy a love of my life any more.