Mental Health Thread • Page 430

Thank you, friend.

 

I don't contribute here often, but I just wanted to come out of the shadows to tell you that I relate to this very deeply and I'm sorry you're going through it. I lost my dad in 2021, and for me it was a constant feeling of impending doom or like the other shoe was going to drop any second.

I'm don't know any way around what you're experiencing but I can tell you that the edge you're feeling eventually begins to dull.

Grief is very ugly, but you're never "doing it wrong." Hearing that was helpful for me and I hope it can be for you as well.

Please feel free to DM me if you want someone to talk to or just need to blast your feelings out into the ether.

 

Thank you. I really appreciate this.

 

Yesterday feels like a blur. A bunch of people I saw in Pittsburgh started testing for COVID, and I should have antibodies still, but I felt off, so I was worried I had it. Tested negative (gonna test again today), but I'm thinking now it's probably the fact that they doubled my zoloft dosage a week ago. I'm just insanely tired even after getting a full eight hours, feels like I'm walking through a dream throughout the day, decreased appetite, and my arms are really itchy. Kind of making it more difficult to really gauge and deal with the anxiety and guilt I've been feeling since this weekend.

 

I've been pretty high anxiety all my life, but managed to stay pretty high functioning in spite of it. In the past 2 months or so, without any particular trigger, my anxiety has spiraled. Actually - the level of anxiety doesn't feel higher, but my body's ability to cope with it seems to have lessened.

I've tried to be treated for it in the past, but the first line of treatment is always anti-depressants. I've tried three that worked to varying degrees, but the side effects for each were pretty brutal. Unsure if it's worth going back on the try-a-pill ferris wheel or trying to remedy this through meditation/exercise/etc, most of which I already do.

I spend a lot of time wondering how different my life would be if I just didn't have to deal with this. meh.

 

i been so broke and feel like my social anxiety always makes me fail at job interview situations like this is a situation where the person on the other end is literally judging you how am i supposed to not be super anxious? i hate how my livelihood feels so wrapped up in appearing mentally sound

 

Taking new meds, feel mentally better but still so anxious

 

Stressed and anxious as hell because I'm worried about my cat's dental health lol (something previous cats never had an issue with but its a thing now i guess). Noticed she lost a couple front teeth at some point and so I don't want to have anything affect her other teeth if there's an actual dental issue. While I'm worried for her, a bigger issue is that it's stupid fucking expensive to do a dental cleaning, like 1200 or so. i don't fucking have that. so anxious about the exam tomorrow to see what she needs that i'm legit shaking. fun fucking times.

 

Anxiety fucking sucks.

 

Yeah, if this is my med increase I gotta cut it back. I'm falling asleep sitting up in my chair at work.

 

anxiety is just my default setting these days

 

Strongly recommend therapy if at all possible

 

Decided to go through all my clothes bc I have an absurd amount lol Last week I went through all my shirts and jackets and that went good. This week I decided to tackle all my dresses, skirts and pants and that went....not so good!! It would be nice to actually not completely hate my body for once in my life but I'd even settle for just feeling neutral about it tbh Doesn't help that I'm at my heaviest weight so some of the clothes were like 2 sizes ago and made me feel miserable. And I know I'm being unnecessarily harsh and if I saw other women my size, I'd think they look great but I just have this disconnect where I think I look disgusting. It's been an ongoing struggle for almost my entire life and I wish I could finally get to a place where I'm comfortable with the way I look but that just feels impossible.

 

Gaaah there is where I'm at today. I lost weight but have gained some back and my body dysmorphia is just always a thing now and i have no idea my sizes or how I look. and I ate out today and then while excercising I was just so hard on my body the entire time and I hate the way it looks and feel such upset and shame around it. Every piece of media I consume the women are so tiny and it's hard not to notice and internalize. I want to throw something at my tv when I see these women eating things that I doubt the actresses eat irl or at least not as regularly as they portray. Like it's not their fault I'm unhappy with myself lol but it's easier to throw popcorn at the screen than address my issues!

 

Sorry to keep updating, but I skipped my Zoloft last night and feel 60% less insane today. And less itchy. Normal amount of tired. So I'm pretty sure that's what all that was. Gonna have to drop back down to 50mg or switch meds. Hopefully my doctor calls me back today.

But now my wife is feeling similarly sick (extreme fatigue, body temp is fluctuating, can't think straight, sound feels strange in her ears) and I don't know what it could be. I hope I didn't give her something crazy. We are both testing negative for COVID.

 

My cat had a dental about 2 years ago. It was somewhere in the 800s and included X-rays. I’m trying to force him to brush his teeth so I don’t have to pay out the ass every year. If it’s anything like humans, teeth can fall out or become mobile if there’s enough bone loss from periodontal disease (which areas of bone loss can be generalized or localized). I hope all goes well with your cat

 

They way I wish I can vent about my work day. Working with this one doc literally stresses me the fuck out. And I wish I can rant on why/how. I also wish I had someone that I can vent to. My mood literally changes and I’m so short tempered and low on patience that it makes me wonder if I may be bi polar. Like I don’t feel normal. I don’t feel my level of temper is a normal reaction and workingalongside this person triggers this. I’m already done for the day before the day even starts

 

got laid off a couple days ago after months of assurance that it wouldn't happen. four years at the same show, like it never happened. once new bosses take the reigns, everything's out the window. fuckin corporations, man. the whole industry is imploding at the moment

anyway. trying to stay positive, focus on things I can do and hope for the best. but I have a feeling it's gonna be hard dodging some hardcore depression soon, even if I keep myself busy

 

I may have spoken too soon? Definitely feeling better but also feeling like this is day four of genuine disassociating. I have no idea if this is something mental, physical (sickness), or med-related. Or if it's related to what's going on with my wife.

 

I like the image of you getting your cat to brush his teeth himself lol. Sorry sorry

Went for the exam. Vet said her gums are definitely red and she needs a cleaning, but it's not an emergency and her teeth look healthy otherwise. and told me that losing the teeny tiny front teeth is more of a meh it happens. they're stupid useless tiny teeth that fall out so easily. it's the back ones that matter. If i get it scheduled this month, my vet is offering a slight discount (February is dental care month apparently). It's just slightly more expensive in general because i'm in the Bay Area and vets can charge more i guess? she said i could save money going to central CA, but getting down there without a car would negate any savings.

 

laid off from my company of 16 years in december. there's gonna be peaks and valleys. best i can offer is to take it a day a time and dont beat yourself up over it.

 

Also in CA not quite Bay Area. Although I had a friend that lived down there but moved more central (i think where she lives now is considered more central but idk) so I’d visit here and there. Not sure how vet costs was for her. Bay Area is expensive for a lot of stuff.

 

The fact that I’m trying to keep from crying all day at work. Like it’s such a shitty day and I’ve built myself up to not get to that point, and I wish I can say why I’m at that point atm. Because of that reason it makes me want to quit my job even more. Like I can’t keep putting myself through this. And I feel like I’ve gotten the short end of the stick my entire employment. I thought about calling off today and say I have a bad migraine because I knew what I’d get stuck dealing with.

 

Yeah they got me an estimate. 1200 IF no extractions needed. Having a panic attack over here. 2024 ramping up to be even shittier than 2023 already was

 

Extractions can be $$$ I hear. That’s what I’m afraid of for my cat. Because I don’t have 1k per tooth. I’m guessing half that cost is the sedation but still. That’s more than it cost to ext a human tooth