Mental Health Thread • Page 429

I think I’m just incapable of holding onto friends. Or making them in the first place. It was an issue when I was a kid, and it’s still an issue now. Outside of my wife, my only friends exist in very contextual situations. I have my bandmates, who I do love, but I’m well aware that without the band we would pretty quickly fall out of touch. It’s not like we ever hang out outside of practice and shows anyway. And that’s it. I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’ve tried being cool and distant, and I’ve tried being warm and upfront. Nothing works. I get left on read, people say we should hang out soon but never commit to plans, and I’m left wondering where I’ve gone wrong. Some of it is probably because I don’t drink or smoke or use any drugs, but that can’t be all of it… can it? And I also recognize that I absolutely hate bars and clubs and shit like that while a lot of people my age use those places to meet people and socialize, but outside of that, I’ve got nothing. It’s just been a deep, profound loneliness for 25, almost 26 years, and I don’t know how to change it.

 

I'm finding more and more that other people don't truly know how to socialize, have friends or maintain friendships. You could be doing nothing wrong. I used to reach out all the time and everyone was always busy or flaky but would always say that they wanted to hang out. I stopped reaching out. Friendships are a two way street and I'm not going to be the only one who puts in effort anymore.

I understand life and families are important, but at least don't fake the importance of your friendships and how you wish you could make time if you don't actually have the decency to maintain them and show respect.

I don't drink or smoke either. A lot of people don't care that I don't, but you're right that it closes a lot of doors because I also hate bars and clubs. I just wish the feeling of community and meeting people your age just to hang out was more prevelant where I am. Once you're done with college and you're an "adult" it can be difficult to meet people. Everything is so scheduled and there's so little spontaneity. I wish I could just call up a friend or two and be like "hey, you free to grab lunch" but that just doesn't seem possible where I am in life right now.

 

When your older and not in a situation where you regularly see someone (work or school) I feel like you need to explicitly invite someone to a specific thing and not just say "for sure we need to hang" or something like that. The first thing I always invite people to is karaoke and everyone loves that lol. But like say let's go this specific night instead of being vague

 

There's so many people who just still bail or say things and never follow through even if you make concrete plans

 

I don't like karaoke, but that sounds like a fun time if it's one of those Japanese karaoke rooms/clubs that has all that good food and drink and all the tambourines and such

 

Yeah I'm partial to the open stages since singing a thousand miles or I miss you seems like a party trick but the rooms are fun too if you have a group. I've actually made random friends at open stage ones tho too. But yeah don't give up inviting people out as far as I'm concerned everyone on this forum seems pretty cool and it might only take one time out bonding to make a friend

 

had a dream last night that my cat died. woke up terribly distraught and feeling like I take the important things in life for granted in favor of the ones that are empty. it’s so easy to say it was just a dream, and it might well have been that simple but I think sometimes (maybe even most) our dreams are for waking us up to things we’re blind to. I’d love to say that from this day forward I won’t take anything important for granted anymore but I know that’s foolish. all you can do is try to be better than you have been and that’s manageable and not some pie in the sky bullshit. I love my cat very much and I know it might sound stupid but I can be better for her and to her. I can be better for everyone in my life, too.

 

I think that's a very nice and positive spin on what I know can be a very distressing kind of dream. I hope you feel better soon and good on you, man.

 

looking for a new job is the exact behemoth of a bitch i thought it was going to be.

 

It’s exhausting and numbing. Been doing it nearly a year (while still thankfully employed). There are too many people applying per position. It sucks

 

Not sure if this is the appropriate place for this but are there any non binary folks around here? I came out recently but don't really feel any kind of legitimacy in it. Like, I feel like I need to start acting more non binary or someone will accuse me of stolen valor. I don't even know what 'more non binary' means.

There have been a few moments where I have accepted it and it feels nice to have an identity that doesn't make me feel like an alien but most of the time I feel like I'm deluding myself into thinking I could be 'special' in some way. It's hard to disregard the 30 years I've spent being treated as a man. Those ingrained social behaviors aren't going away as much as I dislike them.

 

Haven’t been doing super great recently. Between my dad dying a few months ago, family bullshit, ridiculously busy time of year at work, and getting rear ended and having to deal with the other person’s insurance I’ve just been really overwhelmed. My girlfriend has been dealing with a lot too. On top of all that I saw a cat that had just gotten hit by a car on my walk back from lunch today. It completely threw me off the rest of the day and I can’t get the image out of my mind.

I’m taking a mental health day tomorrow which I’m really looking forward to.

 

Fellow enby here. AMAB if it matters. I struggle with similar thoughts at times, but I usually end up coming to the conclusion that the only person I need to prove anything to is myself. If someone doesn't think I'm "nonbinary enough", that's their problem. I'm not going to let someone derail all of the progress I've made over something like that. Fortunately pretty much everyone I actually give a shit about has been super accepting and cool about it. I spent so much of my life hating myself because I felt like I was broken in some way due to not feeling super masculine or even super feminine, so when I discovered that there was a term for it, it started to feel like my existence was validated. However masculine, feminine or all-over-the-place you feel is entirely valid. As long as you are happy with who you are, that's what matters.

 

Thank you for this. It's wild how helpful it is to know that even one other person has had similar struggles to you.

 

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I was dealing with it all last year when my dad passed. It gets better and eventually you’ll feel the leaf turn. Unfortunately my dad didn’t have a lot of his affairs in order so my grieving was delayed because I was just so anxious all the time dealing with it. Take care of yourself.

 

I actually appreciate you saying this, because I’ve known in my heart for a while that I don’t identify with my assigned sex/gender, and non-binary is probably the closest descriptor of how I feel. But, I haven’t “come out” at all (except with my wife) because I 100% present as a cis guy (albeit a slightly effeminate one who most people assume is gay. Lol). It feels like for it to actually “count” I’d need to “perform” more non-binaryness, if that makes sense. It’s weird and dumb but it’s where I’m at.

 

My life has been hell for a decade now. I could use a fucking break.

 

I got a call from my parents today telling me that my mom has cancer. They made it seem like it’s treatable but the things they were saying were worrisome. It was found in one place and then more is in her liver. When I told my partner she said “oh no it spread” and that got me really worried.
Starting 5 or 6 years ago I started to get anxious any time I got a call from home worried that it would be a call like that. It could be worse but I’m going to have trouble sleeping for sure

 

Sometimes I feel like I can withstand 1000 stressful things being thrown at me and other times I completely crumble. I went to my new apartment which I loved when I accepted it and i still like it but am just now realizing the weird layout issues as I'm trying to unpack and instead of being a reasonable human about it I just crumble.

So funny because people always comment how I can handle stress with poise and I can, but then it's like I store up all the stress and then at the most minor of inconveniences I freeze. It's like witnessing a bank robbery and calmly handling it like I'm Tom Cruise in an action movie but then as I leave I push the door handle when it's a pull and I meltdown and don't know how to cope

 

I think I am pushing the limit of my unhealthy eating habits. 1 actual meal a day is an accomplishment lately. Makes me feel terrible but doesn't make eating sound more appealing. Need to start buying fuckin ensure or something probably

 

Call it intermittent fasting and suddenly it's healthy. That's how it works, right?

 

Lmao worth a try!! if i can't be actually healthy i will just use the therapeutic technique of ~~reframing~~ to redefine whatever I'm doing as actually healthy

(this post is not saying anything about the healthiness of IF it is commentary on the mental gymnastics i would personally be doing to say that EYE am doing IF) (IF seems like it works very well for some people more power to them)

 

As feared it’s worse than they let on. Losing my mom is going to be so taxing on my family she saved me when I was a child. I was not her biological son. I wish so badly I could save her now. I am broken.

 

Currently struggling with the worst anxiety and depression I've had in a year and a half or so. Visited some friends in Pittsburgh, partied hard, did some things I feel really guilty about now because I come home to my wife and it's such a different life. I don't want to be two different people anymore. I don't feel like I deserve her or our home or our beautiful pets. She deserves someone who has the courage to say no to substances.

 

I hate how anxiety sometimes has a delayed fuse. My mother died two weeks ago today. I thought I was handling it well. I was allowing myself to grieve. But over the last two days the anxiety has suddenly hit, as if it was just waiting and charging up. Waking up in the middle of the night in full anxiety attack mode. Insane increase in body awareness, so that any little sensation feels like something suspicious which makes me think I'm having a stroke and/or heart attack. Basically, I'm just playing the anxiety greatest hits and I feel insane.