Mental Health Thread • Page 424

Thanks for asking. Sometimes it's hard to put a finger on why certain days are worse than others, but my depression has really flared up. I think maybe it's because now that Christmas is over, I feel like I don't have an excuse to keep putting off all of the shit I need to do. My situation feels very dire now and has for some time, but Christmas was a nice distraction. I'm unemployed and have been for a while. Financially, I really need to work (at the very least part-time), but searching and applying for jobs feels too onerous. I also feel like it's hopeless given my weak resume. And then on top of that, I'm scared that even if I do get a job, I'm going to suck at it. So the motivation really isn't there. Couple that with the sleeping disorder I was diagnosed with last year that saps my energy on a daily basis, and it's really hard for me to get anything done, which just makes me feel even worse about myself.

 

This is relevant to the friendship conversation we were having earlier.

 

Hell yeah, horrible mental health day. Want to cry.

 

I feel like I just more and more depressed. Literally watching tv shows and movies makes me cry because i just feel so lonely even tho I know it’s fake. This has been going on for a while now and it hasn’t happened before.

 

I’m starting off 2024 by saying corporate America is just a freaking hell hole…

Mandatory return to office next week and the place isn’t even set up for it, and I’m just tired of all the intellectual dishonesty and gaslighting, whether it’s at you or you see it happening to other people. I swear these people think we’re stupid.

Everyone frames their interactions in such a nice polished way, but man you sure feel the toxicity just emanating through the air. Barely got to enjoy my holiday break knowing I have to come back to this shit… If they’re trying to push people out they’re doing a fantastic job at it.

/rant lol

 

Sister's boyfriend was found dead this morning. Most likely suicide. So I'm really not in a good headspace and won't be for a while.

 

I can’t shake the feeling that I was destined to be alone. I had a fear of ending up alone for more than half my life and it just feels like it keeps coming true no matter how hard I try. On top of feeling like I failed in life. Being in my 30s alone in a tiny apt barely scraping by. I’m also stuck in a town I hate. Like I feel like one of those people that “never leave” the town they grew up in. It’s suffocating and I feel trapped.

 

I am 90% certain I have ADD, and that realization recontectualizes my life for the past decade or so. I was assessed and found to have traits that were related to my anxiety diagnosis, but did not receive an official ADD diagnosis. My wife suggest getting a second opinion today, and randomly, my therapist brought it up as well. It really seems to explain why I try so hard to make my brain work the way others' do and can never seem to clench it, the burnout the follows, my organized chaos style of work, my difficulty retaining information (unless it's a subject I'm fixated on), and the way I struggle to do so much that others my age have no problem doing. It's the reason I always feel like a failure and like I'm a child in a room full of adults. It's the reason I've hated. myself for so long. Knowing that the problem is how my brain is wired and not just me being a fuckup is both incredibly hopeful and slightly terrifying. It feels like my entire worldview shifted with this information. Planning on being reassessed ASAP.

 

I'm so sorry to hear this, and I hope you and your family are able to find some semblance of peace sooner rather than later.

 

I am pretty sure I am going to quit my job today. No new job lined up. But I got some money saved up, and I am going to take a couple months to decompress, and like try to kind of "re-find" myself before I start looking for something else.

I feel like especially since I started WFH 4 years ago this job has de-personalized me, left me not able to keep or find personal social relationships, gotten too comfortable with isolation, not able to find any hobbies or fun besides binge watching TV or playing Switch. Its become clear to me there is no way for me to escape this rutt while staying at this job. I feel like this move is the best my mental health in the longterm. It is something I knew in the back of my head I needed to do for awhile, and I think it is time to pulled that bandaid off.

 

Good luck! I could never do WFH if I am being honest. I need to be out of the house daily.

 

Its crazy because it has done so much damage to my mental health, but at the same time I don't think I can ever not WFH again. Once you can wake up 30 minutes before your shift starts and not have to commute for 4 years there is no putting that genie back in the bottle.

 

Commuting definitely sucks but it’s only a ten minute drive for me. Even if I did have a WFH job I would probably work from my gym (there’s work spaces there) or coffee shops as much as possible

 

I’m in sales and drive around 500-750 miles a week and I’m so burnt out that I want to look for a WFH job. But the pay at my current job is like, low-key life changing money, so it’s hard to rationalize leaving.

 

For me like if I think if I had a WFH email and spreadsheet job I would be fine. But I have a WFH customer service/tech support type job which that combined with WFH just doesn't do good for you mentally long term.

 

Dawg, emails and spreadsheets would ruin my will to live

 

My situation: they got bought out by a cannibalizing private equity firm and we went private and delisted from NASDAQ. Ever since have been doing quarterly layoffs and nearshoreing. Right now about 60% of my department's work is done my contractors in Mexico and we are considered overstaffed at 65 employees in the US when there used to be around 150 of us. We went from 6 managers and 6 Leads to 3 managers and 2 Leads overnight. Next round of layoffs expected in March/April. I am so burnt out that I am close to getting fired for performance before then anyway.

So I figure better just jump off the sinking ship now, before they push me overboard before the ship even sinks.

 

The dream, imo. My company pushes for so much in person sales shit that can be done via phone/email. Let me do remote sales and this would be the perfect gig.

 

It's been a very difficult few days since I posted that. I did end up taking a day off from work because it was too much for me to handle. I've been... functional since then. Like, I'm still not in a great headspace, but I'm getting through the day. Guess that has to count for something

 

Bandaid pulled. Wooo I don't know how to process that feeling. I have worked for Nielsen (I can say the name online now!) since 2006, very weird feeling that it is done.

I am giving myself 2 months to life off savings max before I seriously look for something else. I am going to buy a new laptop which I will need, and after that no big purchases. During these next couple months I am gonna try to quit Nicotine, try to get outside and walk more, and going to try to teach myself video/audio editing (I might give content making a try)

 

This is honestly pretty much what I have been doing the past couple years anyway, except working in the other room 8 hours a day lol

 

hell yeah, congrats. Enjoy your time off. It’s rare to get time off like that as an adult.

 

Are you still in THC/CBD sales? I love selling beer/beverages though the stress and thought of the industry in decline has me thinking of a way out eventually. Though like you said the money is really good.