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Mental Health Thread • Page 423

Discussion in 'General Forum' started by AelNire, Mar 9, 2016.

  1. Carmen SD

    Trusted

    Relate so much. It’s worse around the holidays. I despise the holidays so much. As much as I try online dating, my area is terrible of choices in men. I don’t know why i waste my time giving myself false hope that the one needle in the haystack will appear when all I do is complain about online dating. I’m not the type of girl guys find attractive. I had better luck in my early 20s even tho nothing went anywhere beyond a “situationship” And I’m socially awkward with bad anxiety so it doesn’t help.
     
    Victor Eremita and SpeckledSouls like this.
  2. SpeckledSouls

    Trusted

    This is like looking in a mirror. I live in a state that doesn't have much to offer or many people so you'll flip through everyone in about 15 minutes and then you'll just keep getting repeats!

    I am not what women find attractive either. I never have found myself attractive, but comparing who I was in college to now I feel like I wasted my only real opportunity to meet people and be marginally attractive haha.

    Also back then you're in situations where your forced to be around a bunch of different people and meet up, but now I'm in my thirties and I don't drink so I don't really know how you meet someone unless you work in an office and even then...
     
  3. Carmen SD

    Trusted

    Too add on to the choice of people in my area, if they seem decent, I’m not looking for the same things as them (like they want kids and I don’t etc) so it can be disappointing that I have no opportunity to try to match. I have also never found myself attractive. I can’t stand looking in mirrors or my reflection and hate face time. I was more confidant when I was younger then I am now. You’d think that be the opposite. I’m also not looking for the same things in a person as I was back then too. I don’t drink either except in social situations, but def not a “grab a drink” for a date type of gal, or even go to the bar to meet people is a def no for me. If someone mentions they want to grab a drink as a first date, I left swipe. Because there’s more to do than just drink.
     
    SpeckledSouls likes this.
  4. SpeckledSouls

    Trusted

    Dating nowadays, especially when you are older, is fucking terrible. Apps suck because they're just brief little ways instances where we are trying to sell ourselves to people like we're a god-damned brand or something and if you aren't amazing or witty people just don't reply. It's such a shallow, self-esteem destroying method of going about trying to partner up.

    It's much more frustrating when you realize unless you pay they purposely put your profile in front of less people and shuffle them to the back. There are sections of apps (most notably Hinge) that has an "unattractive section" where it will give you a huge wall of what they consider undesirable or unattractive profiles all at once to get them out of the way. It's gross as heck.
     
    Victor Eremita likes this.
  5. SpeckledSouls

    Trusted

    Merry Christmas.
     
  6. Carmen SD

    Trusted

    I feel like I’m in that unattractive section. On hinge I don’t get many likes. When I do, I do look through the persons profile and most of the time idk why they’re trying to match me. It’s people who have or want kids which I don’t and made clear in my profile which they probably didn’t bother to read. The few people I’ve “liked”, I didn’t get a match back. Other apps it’s so easy to mass swipe that I don’t think any of those swipes are genuine or bots. Bc no way I have over 99 likes

    but I do agree. Apps suck. It’s all swipe culture these days. I remember when some apps were somewhat decent. It’s minimal info you have to list about yourself hoping you stand out to someone. Also (at least where im at since i can’t speak for others) many guys don’t put effort in to their profile. Over used prompts answers or they’re not even answering prompts. “I’ll fall for you if you trip me” doesn’t stand out and is not funny. Or another answer to that prompt is “I’ll fall for you if you’re kind” like no duh. But also lowkey gives me the ick since they come off as someone who will lovebomb you after the first date. This is people in their 30s!!
     
    SpeckledSouls likes this.
  7. Cardia

    Trusted Supporter

    I have Tinder installed on my phone but have yet to actually use it because despite all of the progress I've made since the dissolution of my last relationship (one which honestly ruined me as a person), I still fight with the thoughts of "you're not good enough for anyone" and I also still have that lingering fear of falling back into the same situation I was in pre-2018. I also don't want to end up accidentally trauma dumping on someone the first time I meet them. That's something I have actually gotten better about, but it's still a concern I have.
     
    SpeckledSouls likes this.
  8. SpeckledSouls

    Trusted

    I've watched way too many tiktoks and Instagram reels that I'm very untrusting of people now so dating in general freaks me out
     
    PureBlueSF and Carmen SD like this.
  9. Carmen SD

    Trusted

    Dating is terrifying. But I’m also at a higher risk of getting cancer and I don’t want to suffer alone. Who will take care of me. Who will drive me to appointments. Who will help me when I can’t do things myself. It’s super terrifying to think about
     
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  10. SpeckledSouls

    Trusted

    I'm genuinely scared of choking on my dinner and not being able to save myself
     
  11. Carmen SD

    Trusted

    I’m afraid of passing out/falling and being injured and no one to help me off the floor or call for help. (Among other fears)
     
  12. sophos34

    Prestigious Supporter

    with the hustle and bustle of the holidays coming to an end I am once again faced with the sobering reality that my life is in a horrible place right now and there’s no telling if I’ll ever be able to get a grip on it
     
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  13. Carmen SD

    Trusted

    See people on tik tok who shared their Christmas family traditions get me all depressed because I don’t have that nor will I ever have that.
     
    bransco2010, jkauf and SpeckledSouls like this.
  14. Understandable but people only post what appears to be happy nice things on social media
     
  15. Nyquist

    I must now go to the source Supporter

    This is way too true. My family posts all these happy photos and statuses and what their followers don’t know is that like a good 70% of that stuff is being passive aggressively posted to aggravate other members of the family who have distanced themselves from everyone else because of the toxicity and for people like myself caught in the middle of all of it, I have to see those pictures of myself and know that behind the vacant smiles I’m just trying to survive.
     
  16. SpeckledSouls

    Trusted

    Most people are unhappy, horrible monsters. Don't stress too much.
     
    Victor Eremita likes this.
  17. Carmen SD

    Trusted

    I could never fake being in a happy loving family just for online to see.
     
  18. Kiana

    Goddamn, man child Prestigious

    People always ask me if I had "fun" doing xyz and I can't remember the last time I felt like something was fun. I'll think it's a nice time but not fun. It's so rare that I'm laughing outwardly and feeling warm and fuzzy inside like what i would describe fun feeling like. Even when I think things are funny or amusing I don't often laugh. Which, if people were to describe something about me it's often my good sense of humor. I crack jokes and make sarcastic comments but I rarely laugh or have fun. It kinda bums me out to think about. I put on a breezy facade but am so uptight inside
     
  19. SpeckledSouls

    Trusted

    Whoa. I also have this. I went to a concert and I didn't have fun, but I kind of enjoyed it if that made sense?

    But when you said "feeling warm and fuzzy inside" I don't think I've had that in a very, very long time and I never realized that.

    My brain got super fucked up a few years back and I don't exactly know how to fix it.
     
    Kiana likes this.
  20. Similarly, it's so weird and shitty knowing you can be (and often are) a fun, outward, extroverted person, but suddenly have zero interest in even making conversation in some social situations. I just spent two days with family and just kept hoping no one would ask me about myself.
     
  21. Nyquist Dec 27, 2023
    (Last edited: Dec 27, 2023)
    Nyquist

    I must now go to the source Supporter

    Well, in regards to my family, I certainly don’t do anything to fake my way through family photos. My family is capable of being very toxic and all kinds of messed up, but they’re also my family and I genuinely do love the individual members for varying reasons. So I’m with them in those pictures that they post because I do love them. I’m not faking anything for social media to see. I really couldn’t give less of a damn what Frank from Idaho who I’ve never met thinks about my parents’ posts. I smile through those photos because, once upon a time, when I was very young the family dynamic was completely different and I know one day they’ll all be gone so I do what I feel like I need to do for myself to remember those days. I know my parents are trolling for social clout with those pictures, but for me I can at least look back at them and pull what positivity I can from those images personally. So while being at those events and being asked to smile for the camera absolutely fills me with anxiety, I smile to survive it in the moment because I choose to take from those images what matters to me in the long run. I’ve made a game out of it in my head where I’ve got this secret no one else in my family knows and while they get to line up and pose for those pictures for whatever reason, in my head I’m doing my own dance they don’t get to know about because that’s for me. I do agree that I think the game they play for social media is absolutely not something I’m interested in whatsoever, but that’s their problem not mine and I’m learning a lot in therapy to let them have their struggle. I can’t fix them. Growing up that became my expected role in the family and it began to eat away at me over the years that I couldn’t even fix myself let alone them so it manifested into all kinds of things like depression, panic attacks, and anxiety disorders. But I don’t need to be a fixer anymore. So I smile to survive in the moment, but genuinely smile inwardly because I’ve got a secret I’m not allowing them to be privy to because they haven’t earned it. I get to have something that’s all mine and that feels good.
     
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  22. Cardia

    Trusted Supporter

    I can't even fake happy pictures with my family because most of my family is dead to me after all the shit with my dad. Guess that can be a positive and a negative, though I lean towards the former because I feel so much better without them dragging me down
     
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  23. Nyquist

    I must now go to the source Supporter

    Yeah, for sure. Family exists on a terrible spectrum and it’s going to be different for everyone. I’m glad you’ve made the right choices for yourself and distanced yourself from the toxicity.
     
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  24. djwildefire

    Trusted

    I'm not doing well today.
     
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  25. SpeckledSouls

    Trusted

    What's up? Want to talk? If not, that's cool.