Mental Health Thread • Page 412

I’m sure that’s not true and please don’t do that.

 

At le

At least you have something to kill time with.

 

I'm trying to make peace with the parts of my body I'm insecure about. Like I could def lose the extra pounds but those pounds are also the date nights with my bf, eating and drinking with friends, the drinks in coffee shops that get me thru the day, candy at the movies, apple cider donuts at the farms in fall, eating dessert with my nephew, etc. If I cut that back then yeah I'd probably lose that weight but would I be happy then either? Prob not.

 

That is such the right mindset. I love food so I just counteract it with exercise which I also love

 

I wish I loved exercise!

 

I just started therapy again for the first time in three years. I’m not sure I like my therapist this time around but I’m giving her the month

therapy can be expensive but if you have insurance, check to see if you have coverage because you may be surprised! Would heartily recommend.

I’m struggling with feeling connected to people, including in my relationship. But therapy is a small way to cope.

 

I wish I was happier. I wish my life had more purpose. I wish I didn’t feel like a case of wasted potential. I wish I didn’t get upset over certain things. I wish I wasn’t as lonely. I wish I didn’t hate my body but also wish I hated it more so I might actually do something about it

 

They recently upped my dosage of Remoron to 45mg because I had been having trouble sleeping again and it's worked well, except now I have very vivid dreams and a lot of them involve my dad. Apparently he's getting released from federal prison in June 2024 and that angers me so fucking much. I genuinely wish he died there. And no, I don't feel even remotely bad for saying that. He's a genuinely terrible person and I feel absolutely no sympathy for him.

 

Work was shit. Got out super late and had to stay longer because my doc wanted certain things done bc they decided to schedule a patient before we actually open. They’re so unorganized. They don’t even communicate anything and get upset when I bring it up and say “that’s just how it is”. Things never improve and I just get more stressed and keep complaining. I’m kinda in a place where I can technically quit. What I thought would take months to approve go approved in like two weeks. A former co worker of mine can easier get me a job elsewhere. A friend of mine can get me a job at a place where she use to work. It’s not worth it. Nothing is worth staying anymore.

 

Fuck

 

Well, shouldn’t have watched this at the lunch break.

 

I never imagined myself being in my 30s and still eating struggle meals barely getting by.

 

One of my biggest insecurities is that I’ve never dated anyone before and I just have it in my head that no one will want to date me bc of that. So when someone I went to school with reached out and started talking to me and was showing interest, I was so fucking excited. I’m not used to that happening at all. Growing up the only time boys would call my house or something it was to ask me for my best friend’s number. I was never the pretty friend, always the smart one and the reliable one. So I was so excited when he wanted to meet up but when we were making the plans, he kept insisting on getting drinks. I don’t drink at all. I said I was ok with going to a bar or something and he could get a drink but I’d be sticking with something nonalcoholic. But he would not let it go and it started making me uncomfortable so I ended up deciding to not go at all. I know it’s a big red flag if he’s already not being respectful of something as simple as this, but it’s just such a fucking bummer. And I have this annoying part of me that thinks I need to just settle for someone bc that’s all I’m deserving of and I keep trying to tell myself that’s bullshit but it’s just hard. I wish it was easier to like myself but it’s a struggle and it’s just exhausting having to constantly battle all these negative thoughts everyday.

 

Uggggh this is too real. All I can say is don't settle. Tbh that's how my first relationship ended up abusive because my self image was in the gutter from the insecurities you outlined above. It's still an insecurity of mine how few relationships I've had (cause it's literally just the abusive one and the one I'm in now) and am v self conscious about not being good at certain relationship or intimate things which continues to sometimes negatively impact my current relationship ans it sucks. Also you always seem cool af so truly their loss a thousand times over. Glad they showed their true colors early on but that seems so defeating. Sounds like you are confident enough to go with your gut and not put yourself in a bad situation which is a huge strength!

 

That is insane and frustrating behavior. You did the right thing. And for what it's worth, I remember having the exact same thought when my wife and I broke off our engagement for a time - it felt like no one would want someone who went through that. So everybody's got something, and honestly, you'd be surprised by what (good) people actually care and don't care about :)

 

For about a week now, I have been struggling with feeling isolated, unloved, uncared for, and like a failure. I've always felt like a good partner, one that would set aside anything to listen to my SO when she was clearly upset, but now that the shoe is on the other foot, I gotta wonder if I'm crazy for wanting the same thing.

 

I’ve been doing a bit better lately. Still not where I’d like to be but improved. Considering trying TMS to see if that gets me over the hump.

 

I want to know what I did in a past life that was so bad, that I got stuck in this shitty current life

 

Never mind guys, I looked at his wife’s Facebook page and she keeps posting about “the great reset”, so I think I’m good with how things went

 

Too real

 

Doing so very poorly right now. Had a health issue crop up and I’m convinced it’s a symptom of something bad and it’s got my anxiety off the rails. Gonna try and schedule an appointment with my doctor but that has me terrified too.

 

Ugh so hard with it being dark when I wake up now. I just wanna keep sleeping.

 

I’m in such a fucked up place.

 

Was able to schedule an appointment with a doctor today. Not my normal one, but that's fine. Basically was told that my worry was more or less silly (not their phrasing). Said it's never a presenting symptom and takes a long time to develop, if at all, if people who do have the disease. My anxiety takes every worst possibility and runs and runs and runs with it.

Still don't know the exact cause of my issue, but it's likely my shoes being worn out and walking on hard concrete for exercise. Ordered new shoes yesterday, they just don't come for a week.

Hoping this can get me to mentally feel better and actually sleep again. I'm so tired.