Mental Health Thread • Page 410

Went through this in this very same thread last weekend. There are so many great people in here that support and identify with you. You got this, friend.

 

Not sure where else to put this. I’d be more than happy to delete or spoiler tag if it’s not appropriate. I’m not in a bad space or anything, but I’m a married male who’s identified as straight for the entirety of my life. Over the past year I’m seriously questioning my sexuality. I love my wife and I’m certainly attracted to females, but I’m finding myself attracted to other men. I’ve told my wife about it and she’s very open to discuss it with my therapist. I just don’t know how to feel. I go from being totally okay, to concerned, then to scared.. (that’s just my anxiety..) I don’t know.. Im in my 30s and don’t fully understand why I haven’t experienced this until now?

 

I hate my impatience at finding a new job. I’m just so burned out with my current one and I’m stuck spinning my wheels there until I find a new one. Hate I don’t know how long this could take or even if another place would want me.

 

I understand and empathize, friend. I think a big part of things like this is remembering that sexuality is a spectrum and your attraction doesn't change who you are as a person or who you've been. Besides, it sounds like you have an awesome partner that is willing to work it out with you. I'm sure it's scary, but you sound like your're in good hands, and anytime we can step closer to being our true selves is a win to me :)

 

My wife's OCD is seemingly only getting worse the more she actively goes to therapy for it. Prefacing all this with, of course it's harder to live with it, and yes, I love her to pieces, and yes, it's what I signed up for when I married her. I just need to give myself permission to say, it's also very hard to be in the support position constantly, especially when the illness is so complex that there's often not a lot I can say or do except be with her while she cries about increasingly small or minor inconveniences. It makes me feel as though I can never be vulnerable because I am always walking on eggshells around her.

I wish there was a more active role I could take in her therapy. Fuck OCD.

 

As someone with OCD that has taken its toll on my family and friends, I'm very sorry you and your wife have to deal with this.

 

I didn’t start understanding more about my sexuality until the last year or two. I don’t even fully understand it, nor have I really gone into depth about it in therapy (yet), but I totally relate to feeling ok then feeling concerned then feeling scared. It’s incredibly unnerving at times, especially to be going thru it or learning about yourself so late in life.

Definitely make use of this thread too:

https://forum.chorus.fm/threads/the-lgbtiq-rights-and-discussion-thread.41/

 

I officially give up on trying to make friends. I have done literally everything I can think of and nothing has worked. I’ve tried finding groups but since I don’t live in a big city that’s basically impossible. Everything is an hour away and doesn’t work with my work schedule. I’ve tried reaching out to old friends but none ever actually want to set up plans. Tried starting groups of my own and had zero interest. I’m just gonna be alone forever I guess. It’s just like what is even the point of living when you have no one to share any of it with?? I’m so sick of this.

 

I'm sorry. Making friends as an adult is hard. My wife and I went through the same thing when our best friends moved to Texas. We all stay in touch in a group chat, but it's not the same at home. Sometimes, I find coworkers to be a good option because they tend to work a similar schedule.

I know it's a consolation prize, but we're always here!

 

Being single and poor is so mentally draining. I can’t easily quit my job because I’m supporting myself with rent and bills and food. No help. My work keeps getting worse. No one listens, I’m constantly picking up slack and nothing happens when I inform my manager. I’m doing the most only to get paid so little. When I ask for help, others complain, yet they get mad when I don’t help them (literally I’m so fucking busy and overwhelmed with my plate overflowing I can’t help-not to mention I asked my manager to redistribute duties since duties were given to me bc others “had a lot on their plate”, yet for me I feel like it’s ‘too bad’). I tell myself over and over how tired of am of dealing with x and how that shit makes me want to leave. Which is why I know it’s time for me to leave. It’s just too much and too stressful. Even if I got paid well it’s not worth it. That’s how bad it is.

On top of everything I feel like I failed in life. I never imagined myself I’m my 30s and struggling to get by. Single. Living in a tiny apt. I feel like having a good life was never in the cards for me.

 

Adult friends is so hard. Most of my "friends" were coworker friends but as soon as you go to a different job most vanish and only 1 or 2 maaaaybe seem to stick around or stay in touch. When I transferred jobs to a new city I struggled connecting with coworkers and was like "psh it is clearly this office environment. It's not conducive to forming friendships at all and is like impossible. Not gonna be hard on myself. Not my fault." Then proceeded to see everyone who got hired after me make friends with coworkers like seamlessly and so fast. I had to be like oh hi it's me I'm the problem it's me. Wish I knew the answer honestly. Socially stunted over here.

 

I've worked from home basically my entire life so I can't even try to make work friends lol I'm also extremely shy and kinda awkward so making friends is already really hard for me. I've tried groups, volunteering, everything I could possibly think of. I had success a few times just chatting to people at shows but both times we only hung out a few times and then they were pregnant and obviously their priorities changed and now I don't really see them ever. That's the other problem! Totally okay for their husbands/boyfriends to go have a night out with the boys but heaven forbid he watch the baby for a single night so she can go to a show or something!! I'm also 99% convinced I'm the only person in my city under the age of 50. Like when I volunteered and tried going to Yoga and stuff, everyone was at least middle aged. It's just impossible to make friends here!

 

I have almost do adult friends. I made one friend at my current job but she moved a few years ago and we still keep in touch and hangout occasionally, either when she comes down to where I live or I go over there. But I totally get the everyone else making friends with each other because that’s how it’s been for me.

 

It’s hard for those of us who aren’t social butterflies. I always marvel at people who feel totally comfortable chatting with people they don’t know at a party or other large event. Whereas I somehow seem to wind up alone and not talking to anybody. And then once the groups have already formed it’s tough to break into a conversation.

 

My 3 close friends are all extreme social butterflies with a million other friends, they are extroverts who adopted me

 

Yeah, I so appreciate people who consciously but naturally make a point of bringing others (who might not otherwise participate) into the conversation. Really helps relieve some of my anxiety and allows me to connect with people.

 

I absolutely adore my coworkers and we all get along super well and we’ve got a group chat we shoot the shit in but we all spend so much of our time together at work we rarely hang out outside of it and most people have significant others and even kids in some cases and since we’re a breakfast restaurant everyone usually takes advantage of having nights off to be with family which I totally get. For the most part I also just hang out with my family, whether it’s my parents or my brothers which at this age I think is totally fine but I know not everyone lives near family or has a good relationship with them and sometimes I do wish I had more normal friends. I’ve got a few I see every time there’s a concert we all wanna go to but that’s really only every few months or so when we all wanna go to the same show.

 

probably not a realistic option but working front of house at restaurants took me from “unwilling to talk to anyone I don’t know” to “could start a convo with literally any person at anytime” and it’s wild

 

I’m so happy the school year started back up as I missed my students soooo much, but my fiancé and I only having 30 days until our wedding and while I’m excited we are fucked financially. We’re literally $700 short on bills and neither of us will get paid for another two weeks because of the overlap from our summer jobs to our school jobs. I’m trying to remain calm but my cards are maxed out and I truly don’t even know what to do at this point.

 

Honestly i wouldnt rule out older friends! some of the most recent friends I've made are quite a bit older than me. It weirdly works because their kids are grown and out of the house now so we're weirdly on a similar level since I have no kids either. And I sorta help their empty nest syndrome. One of my best friends is older than my parents! I introduced her to bruno Mars, Jimmy eat world, and Queer Eye lmao

 

Some of my board game friends are in their mid 40s and some of my workplace friends are as young as 17 (thanks fast food job) so I get exposure to all kinds of folks.

 

Our money situation is even more fucked than I originally thought. I got sick yesterday and I don’t even have enough money to go buy a covid test. We have $0 of income coming in for two weeks and literally only $20 between the two of us. I have no idea what we’re going to do. I’m trying to stay calm but I’m just spiraling.

 

Yo, post your venmo if you want. Gotta be local food shelves if you need them too. Can you sell anything on Craigslist or marketplace?

 

I looked up food banks and we do have one nearby open tomorrow we can go to thankfully. It’s just tough for me because I’ve never had to do that before, and while I know there shouldn’t be any shame in it, I feel ashamed. I’m currently digging through our spare closet for stuff to list. Thanks for the suggestions.

Venmo is @Jimmy-Welty. Please don’t feel obligated. Really I just needed to vent.

 

oh man please try not to feel shame, everything is so expensive these days and bills never stop