Mental Health Thread • Page 55

I go to the gym 5 days a week. It makes me feel a bit better about myself, without it I wouldn't do anything and I'd be even more miserable than I already am

 

I think both our local gyms are $50/$60 flat fee followed by $10/$20 per month.

my mom has been paying a gym membership for over two years despite only going for like a month.

 

I want to exercise more, but then I get home from work and the urge is gone.

 

This usually happens with me after I smoke

Giant pile of dishes in the sink? Done!
Living room looks like shit? Let's straighten up!

Howeverrrr it's Monday and I don't feel like doing a damn thing, sigh

 

The Bell Jar is one of my favorite books and was seminal in my realizing my perfectionism-influenced depression was not unique to me (and possibly not impossible to beat, although Plath's later suicide is tough for me to acknowledge). her personal diaries are heartbreakingly relatable

 

i've noticed now that a lack of exercise then triggers a bunch of awful other stuff for me like anxiety, indigestion, really tired eyes, feeling lethargic, not sleeping well. i was feeling great for a while, but then i decided to stop walking or doing other exercise, and now i feel awful with all these symptoms ^ and headaches too lol.

i also have got to focus less on looking at dumb screens. need a break from technology sometimes.

 

prodrunktive

 

Got back from the doctor a bit ago. We're switching from Prozac to Celexa to see if that will help my headaches. Fingers crossed. I am really tired of my head constantly hurting. :(

 

Not smoking cigarettes anymore has affected my temperament a lot and I can't figure out whether or not this is good. I feel a lot more volatile and like I can't just brush things off that I used to, but maybe that's a good thing? Like, maybe it'll benefit me if I stand up for myself more often and don't just put up with things anymore.

I think it really is what's most healthy. I feel stronger emotions again, and while those can be painful at times, they're at least real. Maybe that will cause me to take better care of myself emotionally and psychologically too, and not just numb it all.

I don't know.

 

I miss how I used to be, but maybe I shouldn't. I really don't know.

 

Rough day. I've been sick but it's also my grandma's birthday (she's in her late 80s). She's in a long term care facility in Orlando. I haven't seen her in about 10 years and lately it's hard to even call her because she barely remembers me. It's really hard, I'm terrified I'll never speak to her again before it's time. I love her so much and I miss her.

(Also it's national coming out day so that's been a whirlwind of emotions within myself. Just having a hard time.)

 

HOLD THE PHONE. My mom admitted that she doesn't do well with people who have depression and navigating that with them. IT'S LIKE WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO SAY TO HER MY WHOLE DEPRESSED LIFE Y'ALL. BREAKTHROUGH. Granted, it wasn't in reference to me, but still. I spent my entire adolescence begging her to see it and understand me and I mean she still doesn't but she admitted that she doesn't, so like it's the end of the world probably.

 

The other day at work during some down time, I mentioned to a the people I was working with that I can't relate to people who don't care about food. Someone said "Anyone who doesn't care about food must be super depressed" to which I responded "I mean I'm super depressed and I care about food..it's one of the few things that brings me joy" and I could feel everyone's awkwardness.
Maybe it was too personal or something..but it really bugs me how on #BellLetsTalk day ((I don't know if that's just a thing in Canada, but basically everyone posts on social media with that hashtag and Bell donates money to mental health initiatives)) everyone is like "yeah! let's talk about mental health!" but I still find a lot of people don't actually care about talking about these things? Like one day a year they give a shit but then for the rest of the year they're back to making jokes and not actually caring about mentally ill people.

 

A few weeks ago, I casually dropped to a group of friends that the reason I had dropped out of school was partially because I was super depressed, the silence was fucking deafening.

 

I want to be able to casually talk about my depression without seeing that look on people's faces

 

at least you can do it here!

 

You can only do that with people who deal with it too. I hate it. I have a group of close friends I've known for almost ten years now and they still have a hard time dealing with it. And I dropped out of school because I was depressed, have lived a fairly reclusive and professionally stunted life because of it as well. It's ridiculous sometimes.

Also, @Kiana - my mom has never admitted it, but she's horrible at dealing with that as well. When I mention it or try to talk about something that's bothering me about how I feel, she'll do a hard switch on the topic and bring up something dumb, like someone I never met having a baby. She doesn't understand my sister's anxiety and only got my baby sister into therapy after she said she felt like she wanted to die. We all have different causes and triggers, but mom has just never handled it well. Dad, however... I don't know how I would have gotten through some of this without him. He's awesome at it.

 

I'm so glad you had your dad for support! My dad was and is def mine too! Glad you didn't have to go it alone


My mom already kinda killed it lol. I reached out to her and asked if she wanted to go on this weekend trip with me and BAM denied. It's fine. I'm not like sad or upset about it cause I've learned not to be with her, but it's funny that she wants that closeness with her kids but doesn't work for it and doesn't recognize an olive branch when she gets offered one.

 

Ugh. The similarities. My mom is great and all, as long as we're not talking about heavy/important stuff. She was great with helping me during surgery recovery and stuff, but the mental prep and encouragement and stuff has always come from my dad. I think she's more of a do-er than a talker, maybe?
Honestly, I feel like I don't even really know my mom, which is crazy. But I just find it hard to have conversations with her because they're always so gossipy and surface... idk.

 

Yeah they are def similar moms lol. Me and my mom can have decent convos rarely, but when we do its when it happens naturally. She usually tries to force things constantly and like interrogates me instead of talking. She's very "you're depressed? Just get out and do something to fix it." Idk. We have a frustrating relationship. She wants to be close without earning it. Idk. And then admittedly I'm stubborn and closed off and won't admit when I'm reaching out so I wish she'd just get the hint lol!

 

Apathy.

Maybe I'm just tired. Every day.

 

YESSSSSSSSS. Mine just doesn't get the hint! We used to talk once or twice a week and we barely talk anymore. When I talk to dad for an hour or two on the phone, she'll say something to him about us never talking, but then she won't call or text. Idk. It's weird.

 

The 9 Best Mental Health Apps • Jenna Kahn

 

It's funny how my social anxiety prevents me from being super social during my classes, but not talking to anyone also lowers my self-esteem