Sexism/Feminism/Womanism Discussion Thread Social • Page 48

everybody just makes me think of Dr Nick but I think it works too

 

YES. I specifically avoid saying "Hi everybody!" because it ALWAYS reminds me of this...

To the effect of people wanting "guys" to not be a gendered term - yeah, as far as gender-based terms go, it's relatively inoffensive and harmless, and personally I don't really even register its use anymore. Like, on the scale of things I'm willing to call people out for & fight them on, it doesn't even register. But when I was 6 I still had to ask my mom why it was okay for me to say "hey guys!" to a group of males and females, yet if I said "hey girls!" the guys in the group would either get mad or assume I wasn't speaking to them. That reaction still happens, and I'm not 6 anymore.

So while it might not be offensive or upsetting in the moment when a person say "you guys," the reasons behind why we're all saying "you guys" all the time are still kinda troubling to think about. We aren't born assuming "guy" is the default, it's learned behavior.

 

Well, I have y'all down pat, huh.

 

good news for once, thanks Obama
Obama Just Signed a Bill of Rights for Survivors of Sexual Assault

 

Trigger warning - harrassment/assault


Leaked tape of Trump discussing how he sexually harassed and arguably assaulted a married woman in 2005

Tape Reveals Donald Trump Bragging About Kissing and Groping Women

In his semi apology (he said he apologized if he offended anyone, which... Well, that's not quite it), he again brings up Bill Clinton, in case we're uncertain that Hillary is an autonomous being. I'm seeing a good amount of "you're talking about this when there are 30k deleted emails??" and "it's ten years ago!" we care about victims

Edit - not that I doubted them before but the rape accusations are even out of character now

 

Yeah I addressed this in the politics thread

 

You're a woman, @lightning13.

 

fuck cosmo

A car for women? - CNN.com

 

You know, for all the times over the past decade that I've snapped at friends for saying the word "pussy" in a sexual context and it being infinitely douchey, I never thought it would be an issue that could determine a presidential election. My, it was in fact possible that I overestimated the Republican Party.

Universe, you win.

 

related
trigger warning

 

Jen Kirman retweeted mine once. It was hard reading all of them.

 

I've said this almost verbatim like 100 times.

I wanted to show y'all my tweet to @crampell bc I have proof.

 

I've been sitting here for a while thinking about what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it. There's so much to unpack, for me personally, but I'm curious, for those of us who have been assaulted in one way or another - did you tell your mother?

content warning: I talk about my assault and my mother's reaction when I told her

***
When I was 20 at a New Year's party, I woke up to a "friend" digitally assaulting me. I froze, I pretended to be asleep until he gave up. I didn't tell anyone, for a long long time. I internalized it. And I still hung out with this guy and his girlfriend (they were both good friends of mine at the time), for years and years after this. My mother/father/brother eventually became better friends with these two after I moved away. They'd all known each other from when we'd hung out and it went from there.

This past July, I finally told my mother flat out what happened. (Later told my dad the basic, no-detail version, too.) The couple in question had come over for a bonfire hangout. I was drunk and my mom was also kinda drunk and she looked me in the eye in the kitchen and said, "What do you want to do? What do you want *me* to do?" and then essentially confirmed that when she was younger, something (possibly some things, plural) had happened to her as well, and you just suck it up and move on because sometimes bad shit happens to you and life isn't fair.
***

I didn't know what to do with that response, and to be honest, I still don't. Like I said, there's a lot for me to unpack around all of this, and this is just one sliver of it. But Christmas is coming up, and I need to buy a plane ticket if I'm going home...and I really don't want to.

 

I did not tell my mom or anyone irl. With others it's because it was a consent issue and some ppl are jerks about what constitutes consent and I don't wanna get into it. With my fam, just cause I'm extremely private and don't want them to make it a big deal and get attention for it. I just kinda want it to go away.


I'm sorry your family didn't react in the way you'd hope. You shouldn't need to tell her what to do! It's your mom and I feel like there should've been a protective instinct to want them out of all your lives immediately or to raise hell or something!! Its awful that your mom is part of that cycle internalizing abuse but it doesnt mean you should have to be too. I'm so sorry bb. Do what's best for ur mental health and don't let anyone make you feel bad about that decision. Hope you get things figured out and get some peace of mind.

 

I'm sorry that you had to experience that. I just don't understand what you mean by digitally assaulted. If you'd not like to go into that I totally respect that.

 

usually penetration by hand, non penetrative is groping rather than digital assault

 

I'm sorry we're members of a club no person shoud be in. As for the bolded, yes omg, I just wanted it to go away.

At times my family and I have this terribly codependent relationship and I think this falls into that category. Didn't want to rock the boat. I still don't want to set an ultimatum on them never hanging it with this couple again as a condition of me coming home again, honestly because I'm worried I'll get another shitty response. My mom did not have the best childhood, and sucking it up and moving on was what you did in her house.

I ended up confronting the guy that night, after that argument with my mother. He admitted to what he did. He said he was sorry. I don't plan to press charges. Hell, why bother? It's 12+ years later and he said/she said and then we get to walk through my sexual history like it has some kind of bearing on what happened. I felt better at the time about confronting him, but now I'm back to "I still feel really bad about this."

I'm going to put this in spoilers because it's kinda graphic. He was trying to put his fingers inside me. He eventually gave up because I had a tampon in so he couldn't get where he wanted to go.

 

Mine was like a dramatic episode on SVU. I only told my parents once I missed my period and we had to buy a pregnancy test.

 

Oh god I cannot even imagine :( :(

 

I had been tested during the rape kit but sometimes it's too faint to tell and I wasn't taking any chance.

 

That's much worse than I initially assumed. Again that's terrible and I'm sorry you've had to have that happened to you.

 

I did not realize that was the case with that test, but it makes complete sense upon reading it. Jesus. I want to reach through this screen and give you a hug.

 

@Kiana @BirdPerson @AelNire

 

To everyone posting their experiences, I am sorry, so sorry that you've all been through it.

Similar to Kiana I don't tell many people my story because of the whole consent thing and people are douchebags.
I would never tell my mother. One, because there's no reason to, in my mind. Nothing is happening with it so its kinda like "what she doesn't know won't hurt her" but two, she would definitely ask a bunch of victim blaming questions without even realizing it and basically twist it into being my fault, so. No thanks.