(Reasons We're Probably Not) Dating Or In A Relationship Thread NSFW • Page 261

I have hung out with this girl like ten times in the past three weeks, all except the first date were just watching movies in my living room. So maybe that will get you somewhere

 

Literally my Okc profile says "message me if: you're not going to ask me what I do for fun, or any variation of that question"

I'm super nice guys. Why am I single

 

So what do you do for fun?

 

Lol on paper it seems like it would make sense that he probably likes me, too. We hang out pretty much every other day (for the past 2 months) But he's also great at fucking with my head and confusing me. And keeping me guessing. So.

 

Chat on some dumb forum with dweebs all day

 

Y'all better get those hobbies. I suggest cycling, its really fun.

 

A combination of depression and anxiety make discovering/trying new hobbies pretty improbable (for me)

 

That's what mine would say if I had one! Every time someone asks me that I die inside a little bit. I read celeb pop culture stuff, sit on silly forums, and watch tv. Too boring an answer

 

My girlfriend/maybe ex? isn't sure yet about us getting back together after this break, and I've never been so sad and stressed over something in my life. Really hoping things end up working out, but I know I should probably brace for the worst, which involves me having to move back in with my mom, which is one of the worst case scenarios I could ever imagine.

 

I've been tempted to update my OKC profile lately, but idk if actively accepting my depression and working on it is the same as having a handle on it enough to bring someone else into my life.

Also I'm still fat and have bad teeth, so there's that. *shrug*

 

embrace the chaos dude. break ups are like a re-forging. you got this.

 

Honest question: what is the purpose of relationships? Why do we have them, want them, become happy or sad by them?

One thing I've learned as to why I don't have them or feel a need for them - I don't care enough about someone else's feelings long enough to invest time and energy in them. That's why I only visit this site a few hours a week and keep very, very distant 'talk once a month' friendships. I can come and go as I please. But relationships? Listening and learning about someone? I just don't give a shit. People aren't that interesting to me. *shrugs*

 

i'm trying to get my spooky on but i hate doing it alone but i'm not dating anyone whyyyyy

 

I personally enjoy people and learning about them, whether through a relationship or not through one

But that's just me and I respect your view as well

I have a love for people that pretty much rides the line between compassion and naivety

 

We can spoopy together in a skype call group

 

I think this through a lot. I hear people's answers but haven't figured it out for me. I like being responsible for myself only and not having to worry about others. It's also why I don't have pets or children rn. I've never seen a relationship I'd want for myself. Most of the ones I've witnessed seem too clingy or suffocating or filled with boring small talk that destroys me. And that's like best case scenario. I struggle with not wanting a traditional relationship but still hanging onto aspects of them and not knowing what I want or what my end game is lol. At the end of the day I think I want someone who knows me very well and who I can do fun things with and we have that easy chemistry, but I haven't been able to reconcile how that fits into a romantic relationship for me. Meh.

 

This is a completely acceptable point of view on relationships. I respect that, for sure.

For me, though, I enjoy relationships, as @Fucking Dustin said, because I enjoy learning about people. But, if I take it a step beyond that, the best moments I have throughout my days are when i make someone laugh. Each time is a tiny little high I get when someone even so much as chuckles at something I've said. So, I guess there's a big combination of needing attention and love, and I get that through being "the funny one" and each new person in my life is another person I get to try to be "the funny one" to. From there, a connection forms with someone and having that stable love as a constant in my life, regardless of whether I make them laugh on that particular day became more fulfilling than just trying to make her laugh. I don't feel the need to make her laugh and finally realized that I can be loved for being serious or if I'm having a shitty day where I just brood nonstop or whatever. I hadn't found that before. I don't know if that all made sense or not.

 

This question is really interesting. I've wrestled with it since probably middle school. I think that there are large parts of both sides of the argument explainable by straight up biology/sociology/psychology. The part I get caught up on is the self-awareness thing. In all of my relationships I can remember examples of nights when I just didn't care about anything while also remembering nights that I wanted to lay on the couch and listen to their voice forever. I think that part of that is ghost-authored by depression in my case, but I also think in my experience we suck at establishing individual identities within relationships, or at the very least communicating the ones we develop on our own, unbeknownst to our partners. Without that stable ground to feel comfortable on, the mere concept of caring about anything can be exhausting, let alone another person with their own existence.

And I guess there's also the philosophical and epistemological conversations to be had, but I'm about to the end of season 4 of Friends again and still riding the buzz of debate drinks.

 

Relationships are for disassociating vicariously through another. Thus not worrying about things like what relationships are for. ;)

 

That seems to be a pretty common outlook to be honest. At least in America, everyone is very individualistic, so it is common for people not to give a shit. At the same time, people want hold onto traditionalist values, which is one of the reasons why (I think) the divorce rate is so high, and why people cheat--they struggle to live with their contradicting views. At least you're not trying to kid yourself.

Anyways, I think the purpose is purely a survival instinct. Humans need to socialize and procreate for survival. Its just more complex now in our post-industrial-modern-capitalist world.

 

Connecting with an individual on some deep level has always been really important to me. Also I'm a lover not a fighter and i certainly don't want to spend my older years fighting for love (excuse the cliche). Part of that means maneuvering through the social obstacles that arise when you're older, also part of that means maneuvering through them in a healthy and right way. Though it's probably naïve, I think of it in terms of simplicity as well.

 

Well you can't help when you're attracted to someone, first of all. And when that attraction turns into a crush and then falling in love, you want a romantic and physical connection. You want to share your life with them in the most personal and intimate manner possible. Procreation is not the ultimate goal for a lot of people. It's about a really deep connection. Having a close, intimate and romantic connection with someone is something unique and different compared to all the other connections (family, friends, colleagues, etc) you'll likely have in life. It's somewhat like having a best friend, but on a much deeper level.

You really feel that you want to put all your faith and trust in this person, and share everything you can with them. It's a sense of comfort, love, safety, security, and acknowledgement.

You can talk to this person more often than most and you truly feel like you can talk to them about almost anything. We become happy by them because of these things. Even with our flaws and quirks, they still love and care and want to be with you. And it's rare to find people like this. But once any kind of conflict arises, it hurts the most because of how much trust and faith you put in this person, and all the time and energy you've spent with/on them. It takes a long time to forget and heal because of the closeness and intimacy of the relationship. You spent a lot of time with this person.

I just think of spending unique and precious time with them that I don't think I'd like to with other people. It's a special source of happiness. You feel happy watching TV, but would probably feel even better watching with them. You like going to the movies, but you'd probably feel more happy and comfortable with them. You like going to certain places, but it would be extra special with them. You enjoy talking about certain subjects, but they're the first person you'd like to tell as you'd feel most comfortable doing so.

And it's even better when you have certain common interests, because it feels like you'll always be excited by the same things. And sharing that excitement with them will always feel different than any other person.

 

I definitely think there's something innately human about that need for deep connection

 

I dated this dude for 8 or 9 months while he was stationed near my college. My dad saw him on this USAA commercial. He got a Purple Heart for being a ranger and getting hit by shrapnel. I heard it through the grape vine after we broke up.

He helps army PTSD sufferers on his ranch nowadays.

 

Sounds like a good dude. What happened if you don't mind?