2 Dating 2 Relationships Thread II: The Squeakquel NSFW • Page 207

It is what it is. His loss really.

I always assume a guy is down for good morning/good night texts if he is the first one to do them. This guy who ghosted me after our date last weekend, had been sending me those texts for like 2 weeks straight. SO WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!

 

Ghosting sucks. A few years ago i was talking to a guy and he would talk about going on a date and how he's in it for a relationship and we spoke non stop for weeks and blah blah and then he suddenly ghosted me. I was upset at the time but realized I think he just wanted something sexual and when I kinda dismissed his attempts at being sexual because I'm awkward and idk what to say to that over the phone he noped out. I had never been ghosted (I don't rly put myself out there to get ghosted) so it was humbling and felt sucky but I'm sure I dodged a bullet. If my awkwardness around that was a concern for him he could've communicated it but didn't. His deal, not mine!

Granted I'm not great at communicating either so... oop

 

I’ve been texting and Facetiming with this one person for about a month and a half. We text just about everyday. Last month, we went out on a date and it went great. Because of her situation (has a kid, going through a divorce), our schedules take time to line up. After not seeing her for two weeks, we went out on a date tonight and even though we had fun, it was like the mood changed. She didn’t seem that interested romantically.

Occasionally, she’d be checking her texts and towards the end of the night, checks one and says “Well I’ve got a headache and should get going.” Instead of a kiss like the first date, she gives me a hug and says “Until next time, drive safe.” And it was one of those things that’s like “Welp, this is over.” Just to be sure, I texted her to see if she was interested in another date, she said “Let me get back to you.” My paranoid mind kind of thought she had found someone else and was texting them - which is obviously well within her rights since it’s just a couple of dates we’ve been on and we’re just feeling things out - but it truly sucks to invest that much time in and it’s dashed in a couple of hours.

 

Maybe there's some issues going on with the divorce...not an excuse to just like peace out the way she did tho. If she was really invested in dating you, she would be completely honest and open with you instead of acting the way she did.

Dating is so fucking hard at our age....I've actually cut myself off from dating apps for the rest of this year because I'm sick of Investing my time just to be ghosted 3 times in 8 months.

 

I feel like I’ve been a part of all these dating stories haha. It sucks, dating really is hard. Even when it’s going well with someone there’s a big part of me that can’t enjoy it because I just know it’s going to make it worse when it goes bad at some point. I’ve been dating someone else with kids for about 6 or 7 months and we see each other probably only once or twice per week because of our parenting schedules, and I just can’t help but not want to get more serious for fear of it inevitably going bad.

 

Welp yall, we had great conversation, ate dinner, started making out for a bit and then she tells me she has a boyfriend shes not completely broken up with. I don't really want to talk about it much, but I have never had someone so forthcoming in their interest in me in my life, and I finally got vulnerable for someone for the first time in a long time, up to the time I saw her she was very much telling me how much she wants me. Sigh I'm going to try to leave Florida next weekend instead of next month, luckily I have so many great things waiting for me in NJ. But I want out of here in Florida, Im fucking over it .

 

I simply told her I hope she never does this to someone again because its an awful thing to do.


Thank god I am at an extremely exciting time in my life, I just got an amazing job up in NYC that pays way more than I have ever made and I am moving back to where I grew up where my family and close friends are all eagerly anticipating my return.

This bullshit tonight made me realize I need to just leave ASAP instead of the planned 9/3 date and it is easily possible.

I'm not gonna let this shit bring me down I'm going to fuckin make it a moment where I cranked everything up on taking care of myself and creating a great life.

 

Damn man. That's tough. I'm really, really sorry. I'm glad you're turning it into as much of a motivator as possible though.

 

Thanks man, you know fortunately I have been reading up on and listening to podcasts about Stoicism for the past 18 months or so. There is a guy Ryan Holiday who covers it on every medium in a great way.

The basis of it is when things go wrong to keep from getting lost in negative emotions and shift the perspective to how you can build off it and respond positively to enhance your own life.

A book called The Obstacle is the Way is excellent by him.

i’m going to move up my train ticket a week earlier and spend the next two weeks getting back to a routine between work, exercise and health that I want to bring with me home. I have a great gym lined up at home I will go to.

In my life when things like this happen where I did zero wrong I stop asking ‘why me?’ And start asking ‘what can I do about this?’ And that question gets me to rebound and build a foundation to jump off of.

 

@oldjersey I’m so sorry that you were treated so poorly, but I’m really proud of how you’re approaching this shitty situation

 

Feel like this girl is playing me. Probably seen her like 6 or 7 times. Like 3 times on normal dates and the other times have been like quick seeing each other at lunch hour. She's been busy like every day after work for the last two weeks and when I said like I'd much prefer to meet up after work instead of during lunch hour she got super defensive and said it's no different than being free after work. I told her it's not the same at all and she said I was gaslighting her. To be clear we both work during normal work hours. So whatever I just kind of gave in and said sorry. Anyways that was like a little while ago and then today after telling me she's not sure when she's free again she asked me to buy her Uber eats for lunch. I didn't even reply lol

For what it's worth when we hang it's pretty good and she seems into me. But she makes it sounds like she's going out and or doing stuff with friends every night. Like maybe I've never had that many friends but I feel like if she really wanted to hang out she'd make time for a day after work

 

My purely speculative guess based on what you said sounds like she doesn't want to let you down and wants to kind of force you to end it. I've been in similar situations and it sucks. The Uber Eats thing is wild too.

 

Dating is terrifying. Started chatting with someone I briefly spoke with in the past and they want to meet up. I’m totally down, So we will see. What gives me anxiety about meeting is if they don’t find me attractive irl. Which usually happens. Also while talking with someone new I get anxious thinking about what if we hit it off and start dating, then that follows with opening up about my trauma etc, and eventually becoming intimate.
I also think about how people find things to talk about with a partner they’ve been with for a while. Like how does that work. It seems like you eventually run out of things to talk about and there’s so much that can be said. I think about how my last relationship wasn’t like that- not much talking because he cared more about other things and I kinda felt ignored. My lack of dating experience expands all this anxiousness of everything I’m anxious about. It all terrifies me.

 

Without a doubt, dating is terrifying. But I think keeping things in perspective is key. Worrying about whether they find you attractive is a huge thing of mine, but you have to hope that they will and if not, you don’t want to date someone that doesn’t feel that way about you.

As far as what couples talk about, I think a lot of the early process is about things about the past and the more the relationship goes on, it’s about things of the present and future (at least in the healthy relationships I’ve been in).

Starting off, I think it’s important early on not to get too caught up in everything involving the future and overwhelming yourself (I’m guilty of this, though, even right now with a person I’m talking with). Just have fun getting to know them and hopefully, it’s a good match then move on to the deeper stuff. I hope it works out!

 

My problem with dating, is that for the first week or 2, things are cool, simple and whatever.

but then they just fucking vanish. Since February, I've been ghosted 4 times and only 1 text saying "i'm just not feeling it but you're a great girl, i just don't want to lead you on".....

I'm sorry, but if you're letting me believe you like me for 2 fucking weeks...you're leading me on bro.

I haven't been on a date for two months now and I have no desire to let another man waste my fucking time. Maybe I'll try again in the new year, but for now...I'm just working a ton and making that money!

 

Me and my bf just talk about all the new stuff we're experiencing. I talk to him about taylor swift and he talks to me about whatever new audiobook he's listening to. I'm always insecure when relationships aren't new tho because for some reason ppl think I'm "mysterious" at first but then they just learn that I'm not cool and aloof, I'm just anxious and boring lol

 

Joined fb dating to see how it is. I honestly don’t think there’s anyone for me where I live at least. Chatted with someone who checked all the boxes, but he unmatched me about an hour before we were suppose to meet up. That really sucked. I don’t understand how guys can say they want honesty and someone who can communicate, but these same guys will ghost you. This has happens several times

 

My partner told her mom that I am "the one" and I feel like a giddy schoolchild.

 

Congrats!!

 

Got a date on Thursday. A New Jersey date, got a different vibe! I like it. The gal is older than me by 6 years which i’m down with. She was married for a while and split in 2020, no kids (thank god) but 2 cats (hell yeah).

 

So, I dropped completely out of the dating scene for like 8-9 months after a couple of poor experiences (nothing horrible, just tiresome) last year. I swear it's getting more unbearable with age. I'm second guessing myself so much more and everything feels so much harder because a situation with real potential is so rare.

I've been dating a woman now since late August (we're up to 8 dates now I think, when do I stop counting? ) and I've been such a mess most of the time. The anxiety around it going well is absolute crushing me. The early dates went really well and that actually made it worse, because I was so worried that it would just end with no warning. Not an abnormal or unreasonable thing in the early stages and not something which used to get to me this bad, but it's been making me feel sick this time.

It's mostly been really great though. She has a few hang-ups which have made things hard to read and have resulted in some honest conversations, but none of it bad. The last couple of weeks/dates have been pretty amazing and I was finally starting to get to a good place myself. She's doing and saying things which I find reassuring, which helps me so much.

And then today I was reminded that I'm still incredibly fragile in all of this. She posted a story which was a complaint about someone's prompt/response on Hinge and I have no idea if she's still looking for alternatives or whether it was just a screencap from some account dragging men's responses on dating sites. We've not really discussed any of this stuff, so she's not done anything wrong at all even if she is looking, but it still hit me like a ton of bricks.

It still feels a little early to talk about being exclusive, so I don't even want to talk to her about it. Feels like I'd be better letting it play out and see if things continue being really good. But hurray for another thing for me to over-analyse!

 

@oldjersey I love how you and Marc just dive right into crystals and astrology in this podcast episode

I feel seen

 

By all means, do things on your own time, but I think two months and 8 dates is a long enough time to ask if she wants to be exclusive/where you both stand.

 

With other people, I probably would be thinking it's reasonable to ask, but in this particular case I'm not so sure. Given things which have happened in her past she's understandably wary. Within reason, it's probably safer to just let things develop at her pace and for the time being, I can handle that. All my anxiety and other rubbish are my own neuroses. It's nothing that she's doing.

If it starts dragging out without that ever being a topic of conversation, then I'll have to say something. Things are going well and if they continue to do so, I'll want to know that she feels that there's a relationship in this too and that I'm not just lining myself for a huge disappointment.

 

Date went well on Thurs! Good flow of conversation and lots of laughs. She has made it real clear she wants to move slow and I really tried to reaffirm with her that I am so okay with it and really prefer it. I jumped the fuck into my last relationship and it's just not a good idea.

The thought of just going out and getting to know each other without and pressure of the physical stuff sounds great to me, and then whenever it does get to that physical point it is a lot more meaningful.

Very smart, good-hearted and funny human being (she's lefty like me!) so I am staying optimistic about this. A second date will definitely be happening.