(Reasons We're Probably Not) Dating Or In A Relationship Thread NSFW • Page 208

I want to get married. I do not want a big production.

 

I feel the same way, I feel like big weddings are more about "look at how much stuff I have" versus actual love, I would much rather have a chill justice of the peace wedding

 

I'm split. I kinda want a wedding but not a marriage lol. Part of me wants a nice important party that I get to plan how I want and then I get to look super gorgeous at it, but the actual thought of standing up there with people looking at me sounds awful. I'd want to do very few traditional wedding things and I think my family would pressure me to be more traditional and I'd get annoyed. I also get depressed after too much social activity, especially when I'm the focus, and it'd be a bummer to get depressed on my own wedding night. I waffle on the marriage part cause blah blah commitment issues.

I do want the gifts tho won't deny that

 

I don't think that's fair either. I think for some people it's honestly about sharing it with people. And about traditions, which people find meaning and comfort in. If someone really wants a wedding like that, more power to them. They should have it.

But by no means is that the only way to get married.

The girl I'm dating is going to her best friend's wedding tomorrow. It's 15 people and on a boat. The music is a playlist on an ipod. Both ways are valid, as long as they suit the couple.

 

For sure @cshadows2887. I know re-reading my post it can be a little reductive of being married and I don't want to come across as marginalizing anyone's opinions who want to get married. 15 people on a boat is a dope idea, just not for me. The more I think about it, the more it's probably a combination of commitment issues and fear of the unknown. I know part of my thought process is "what if my current relationship fails?" It's already tough enough to split lives after living together but throwing a divorce on top of that would seem to be incredibly difficult, too. And, personally, I just don't get anything out of rings/wedding vows/legality of marriage that are worth it enough to make me want it.

But, attending weddings is fun. Can't want to be at some of my friends weddings whenever they happen. Just not up my alley.

 

Yeah, it's definitely not for everyone. It honestly sounds like the choice down the line will eventually be whether your opposition to it is so strong that it outweighs the happiness your partner would get from it. And conversely whether it's that important to her, etc.

 

I'm sure it could be more me than them haha, they just make me uncomfortable but no of course I'm not one to say "don't be happy that way"

 

You strike me as someone for whom even the witnesses would be too many guests. Haha

 

Yeah, in our couple of discussions about it she said that it's not a dealbreaker but it's something that she would really enjoy. It's also something for me to think about because I tend to be pretty hard-headed, not doing things that I don't want to do even though it would make her happy. Tonight she wanted me to dance and I despise dancing -- partially because I just do not understand how people move their bodies to dance, mine just does not move rhythmically at all in that way -- but it would've meant a lot to her if I would've just slow danced with her once. But because she asked me a bunch and I really don't like to do it I said no. It didn't seem to hurt the night at all, but I know that she was miffed slightly (probably more than she let on).

So, your comment is very applicable to me and something I need to be more conscientious of in the future. I can be a stubborn prick sometimes.

 

Hah. That's what it's all about right? Finding the balance where you're both happy. You bend when it won't break you and she does the same.

Also, alcohol helps with the dancing thing. Haha

 

I had three beers and a whiskey and coke (admittedly light on the whiskey; damn open bars!) and it didn't help unfortunately. I feel bad for things like this afterwards, too. I guess I just never think about giving in on something like that because these situations don't come up often, we're pretty in-sync on basically everything. Don't remember the last time we really argued about anything. But I could do better.

 

I have danced twice in my life. Both while very drunk at weddings. But I was just sober enough at the last one to realize everybody else looked silly as hell, too, so what the hell was I worried about? Most white boy moves are all shoulders anyway.

 

This summer I went to a wedding where it was by a river and the bride came floating down the river standing in a canoe to meet her bride at the alter it was so cool lol but I would've fallen in the water straight up

I get annoyed at men who won't dance with their girlfriends/wives at weddings lol. I was in a wedding once where the other bridesmaid's bf refused to dance with her and she looked so sad and upset like ahhh how do you not put ur pride aside and just do it? Also I was the life of that wedding dancing-wise and no way could they have looked dumber than me ha.

 

Crippling fear of drawing attention to myself in a manner I'm not used to mixed with just general stubbornness.

 

I think I'm too much of a people pleaser to be stubborn. If you can't make a fool of yourself at a wedding is it really a wedding??? is my question!

 

I have trust and abandonment issues and I was a wreck earlier. My boyfriend has been so patient with me and assures me he loves me and he's not going anywhere, it just means a lot to be with someone who's so loving and caring. He's wonderful, and we're meeting next year! He'll be here for a few weeks!

 

Weddings are the worst, I hate going to them because everyone is like "hey drink and dance!" And I'm like "nope"

Also I'm expected to have a traditional brown person wedding which is like a five day affair. You Americans have it easy.

 

I want my wedding to be well produced but small and short, haha.

 

Well, once you drink enough you will dance. Pre game?

 

The only wedding I danced at was my best friend's and I was thoroughly sloshed by the time we made it to the reception. It's not so bad when I can't remember much of it.

Certain wedding formalities make me cringe...like the father bride dance.

 

I don't drink, that's the problem

so I don't sound totally awful I will say there are certain parts of weddings that I think I'd enjoy, crafting a playlist and choosing a first dance for instance
of course mine would be to Kiss Me by Sixpence None The Richer because I'm a total dork

 

I feel so uncomfortable about people always asking me about marriage and weddings considering that i have been dating my boyfriend for 7 years. I have no problem with the two things, i just don't find it completely necessary. as long as there is an understanding between the two of us, i'm fine. just wish people would stop assuming that my ultimate goal in life is to be married. every time i explain this to my mom she gets so upset, shes quite traditional. she acts as if i hate marriage. i dont hate it at all, just not such a large emphasis for me. i'll be happy if it happens but i'm not unhappy without it. i'm also glad nontraditional weddings are becoming more popular, as it gives people to watch their expenses and do something personal and unique. definitely something more i would be interested in.

 

I want to get married at the courthouse and then have a big reception for everyone. It's tradition here that southern women always get married in a church so my mom and gma say they won't help pay for it unless we're married in the church lol Partially why I started saving money a couple years ago.

 

I'd like a private ceremony but that's just me being a selfish introvert.

I'd be malleable to whatever the S/O demands with the benefit of alcohol.

 

The wedding my ex had planned was going to cost around $20,000. Her mother was going to pay for all of it. It was, more or less, the standard fairy tale wedding.