Mental Health Thread • Page 311

I need a place to vent, yet I feel ashamed of saying anything because I feel selfish and know there are other people out there in worse situations. This shit is all bringing back my anxiety at a level not reached in a long while

I'm just exhausted. Music is the only thing that keeps me going these last few days

 

Yeah I feel like absolute shit. Doing everything I can to try to be happy and nothing seems to work. I just feel so alone.

 

I don't know how much I'll check this site for the foreseeable future like I usually do so I'll just post this here I guess.

I'm starting to feel more and more like shit because I've been stuck in a routine for the past year and a half, kind of straining myself by working as much overtime and saving up as much money as I can, while hiding my gender identity in order to not being put at risk of losing my job at worst. Planning my transition as well as the prospect of going back to college were the only things giving me hope, and making sure that I have my life back on track after the shit I'd been through the years prior. So... the timing couldn't be worse. Knowing that it's all out of our control is hard to make peace with.

Perhaps I'm just freaking out and it'll quickly get better, but I'm getting tired of seeing people in France be so careless and dismissive of what's going on, and even saying "it's fine everything will go back to normal soon" like... no and how?

Macron is rumored to be announcing a national quarantine tonight. In the meantime, I don't know if I'll have to go to work two hours after his speech. I don't have a job that allows me to work from home. I'm also a temp employee, so I don't really have job security. I have no idea when I'll be able to go through the admission process at the colleges I'd been eyeing too, as schools close starting from today. Last week, my psychiatrist finally gave me the certificate to start HRT, and afterwards I got an appointment with an endocrinologist for late next month... well now I have no idea if the various appointments will actually go through or if my transitioning process will have to be delayed, like I'm currently seeing it happen for other trans people on the groups I'm part of.

Living in such an uncertain way isn't good for my health, and I'm struggling more and more to enjoy doing anything to distract myself from all of this. I just pulled an all nighter and am falling asleep and waking up every few hours to check the news so this doesn't help either...

 

My mental health has been pretty okay. I am fortunate (???) To have a job that likely won't be impacted by all this in terms of having to stop work and income being impacted, although the downside to that is I am unable to do any social distancing or quarantine. I do many home visits with the community so I'm frequently interacting with others. I'm not worried about myself so much as unknowingly spreading something to them or my family.

I wish everyone in here the best. So many of us are unable to participate in self-care or do the things that normally help us feel better. With the virus + the election it's hard to stay positive but I'm thankful for this thread where people can vent and get support

 

big big TW for talk of suicide
I'm for real worried that all of the self isolation is going to cause a lot of people to become suicidal, myself included. there have been jokes that in nine months there will be tons of babies being born from this but all I can think of is how many people will be killing themselves

 

Yeah everyone walk outside, exercise at home to get endorphins, log off social media and watch a movie or tv show every once in a while

 

I feel like I've grown more agoraphobic, lonely, socially distant, anxious and depressed in general since working from home full time for a year and I was excited I was finally going to move into a new office with my co-workers in a few weeks and now all this happens. I'm grateful I already had the WFH option, but this definitely doesn't help my mental health

 

I feel selfish thinking about my own problems right now but the longer this whole thing goes on, the more alienated I feel. It’s also exposing so many issues with the world, how stupid the average person is and I just don’t feel like living in this world anymore???? But there’s nothing I can do about it and at this point I think the number of reasons to k*ll m*self greatly outweighs any desire to stay alive. Basically anything that would keep me happy/occupied at this point is gone anyway lol (like counting down to concerts)

 

Just know that you are not alone and you have a network of some really supportive people here to listen. You are not being selfish at all, I mean that. Every minute is a struggle for me emotionally at the moment, but I just keep trying to remind myself that this is temporary, even if the future is unknown and scary. I wish you the best

 

I get that but I enjoy your company , I'm just like okay I can deal with 2 months without concerts hopefully that's it so people don't die

 

Broke down earlier. Also I’m clenching my jaw too much during the day that my head is killing me by early evening.

 

my anxiety is high. i found out today that my work has closed for at least the next two months. i qualify for unemployment and have funds saved. but the last time i had this much time without work i had bad agoraphobia and i am worried that i will slip back into that. i don't want to be back in that place but my mental health hasn't been great lately. not having my job for the time being isn't helping anything.

 

Reached the point the last few days where even listening to music won't make me feel better, as upcoming shows are often the only thing I'm looking forward to and they're all obviously getting cancelled. And listening to music keeps reminding me of it. Spent the majority of the day so far just staring at the ceiling because I'm so fucking tired due to maybe 5 hours sleep a roos the last few nights.

Funny how whenever I think at least life can't get any worse it always manages to somehow

 

decided today I'm not going to read the news for the time being. its becoming too much

 

My BPD brain has been spun up into overdrive more as each day passes. Me, a catastrophic, anxiety ridden worrier as it is, cannot deal with this logically and I feel a bit unstable

 

Happy to see your name in a thread even if it’s posting something heavy.

 

Also, has anyone heard from Ken since his post?

 

I messaged him on fb but no response, i'm quite sure some other people on here have been in regular contact with him. Can't say definitely though.

 

Crying and letting it all out to someone can be so god damn cathartic sometimes, hope this makes things better for you

 

I was doing really well for a while until everything started falling apart because of the pandemic.

Needless to say, I'm not doing so well anymore. I'm out of work until at least the 1st of April. I just hope I can keep myself together until then because this whole situation is making my anxiety shoot through the roof.

 

I’m ok with isolating so far but I’m frustrated beyond belief with the world, this fucking political system, capitalism, the fact that this pandemic is happening and people I know aren’t taking it seriously, etc. I feel so helpless and pessimistic that things will continue to get worse and it’s really weighing on me right now.

 

my first day out of work and i couldn't get myself to do much other than sleep or lie around. it's as if the world is slowing down here. i did manage to shower today which is good. hopefully i can get out of the house tomorrow. this will be a long two months off work.

 

Chiming in with agreement with feeling helpless. After everything, all the energy, the campaigning, the work to feel better and get better mental health practices it just feels like when you try twice as hard, the world beats you down three times as much. I'm on day four of isolation. Lucky enough to still at least have work in a quiet building with no more than like, six people. We'll see if that continues. All I know is despite that I'm not sure how much more of this insane world I can take.

 

Actually managed to sleep last night. It's amazing how much better I feel instantly after a decent sleep. Just hoping it's not a one off.