Mental Health Thread • Page 305

Everything is going to shit and i am so fucking done. i'm tired and exhausted of fucking everything.

 

i hate to say this when I see others suffering, but I'm having another great day! Don't know how long it will last, but I'm enjoying it while I can. It's been a good week or so of this, so that's been good. I really hope I don't fall back into depression again. Trying to stay positive though.

Did I ever update about my friend? (or mention it at all?) I have this online friend (first of my online friends) and they have been in a treatment center and the last they posted things were not sounding good. I was really scared this could be the end. But I saw them pop online on our site, so I'm hoping that was in fact them and that they are still with us (that's the good news). Still, no one has had word from them yet though.

Oh boy! I'm like so hyped up and distracted my food is getting cold! :P

 

Never feel guilty for posting happy stuff in here. While I might be struggling, I still like seeing others who post in here doing well.

 

Omg I'm going insane from boredom today! :(

 

wish i knew what i wanted

 

have you ever thought about seeing if you could get your dog as an emotional support animal? you'd need an official letter from a licensed therapist or doctor but that could help. i know how having animals around improves our mental health (i have cats). so maybe going this route will help. just check with your landlord as i know some have restrictions on breeds and whatnot.

i hope things work out someway.

 

i think my depression is heightening up again, as i am doing all of these behaviours indicative of it. but i feel so emotionally numb that i am not sure. it makes me feel like these behaviours (more so rituals or routines) are nothing but then i start to overthink them and wonder if they are something. am i worse than i think? is this numbness blocking it out? i don't know.

 

Sending happy thoughts and positivity to anyone who needs them or wants them!

I'm actually having a good mood day after a couple days of feeling down. I think waking up at like 8:30am after going to bed at like 12:30a really makes a difference. I didn't even nap today!! Unfortunately, I'm getting a little tired now though and it's too late for caffeine, I think. So I'll probably opt out of my workout. Sigh! But hopefully I can get one in tomorrow (Wednesday? oh no, i might not! idk) so maybe just Thursday this week?? and a walk on Friday?? I dunno. I've got an event on Saturday and I'm nervous about it...the exercise could help, but could hurt if it's too intense right before Saturday. hmm Well, I'll just try to think positively and hope for the best!

 

i’m struggling. a good day turned into a bad night. all i feel is low and broken. and i don’t know how to fix things. i wish it all didn’t feel so hopeless or useless or pointless or whatever else. it just sucks so get stuck spiralling and unable to stop it. i hope after sleeping that tomorrow is better.
edit: things have to be really bad for me to cry. my body barely knows how anymore, but when it does i know it’s not good.

 

It was a relatively positive day! Work went well, boss complimented me on my work, got to see Keanu Reeves do some matrix filming, and went home and exercised.

Unfortunately, the day is ending where I just suddenly feel lonely out of nowhere. Bit of a buzzkill.

 

Tell me everything about Keanu

 

Saw him again today! Got to watch him film a scene and then pose for Lana as she thought about some scene or maybe how she wants to shoot it.

He carries his own bags to the car.

 

saw your post on Instagram. had i known you lived there i would’ve asked to hang. i was there for the entirety of last year

 

Aww damn! Yeah I’ve been living here about 2 years.

 

how’s SFO for you?

as much as i enjoyed the food and the places and the views it did overwhelm me a bit. the people were great and lively, but i think i’m too introverted to turn that into a good thing haha

 

Overall I really like it here. I'm very introverted too, so I opted to live out in the East Bay to give me a much quieter place to retreat to. I'm right by a BART stop, so I can be in the city decently quickly (still a bit of a commute, but allows me time to read and watch stuff) when I want to be there for work and/or socializing.

While I've started looking for a new job, it did make me realize I'd prefer to continue living in the Bay Area, which is something I never felt when growing up in AZ.

 

Had a string of good days followed by yesterday and today being bad

I mean, I guess at least I can recognize some sort of pattern, but I just wish I could go even a full week without feeling depressed at all

 

that is so great to hear. Having something feel like sort of a home is such a good feeling. Another one less thing to be bothered about. And you seem to have a cool job there so that’s a plus.

I definitely want to go back to SFO, as a tourist. I have friends and family there I would love to see again, and miss the food and Dandelion’s hot chocolate and asian food (being asian)!!!

 

Yeah, never felt at home in AZ, but I sort of do here. Still haven't visited as much of the city as I'd like to, shamefully.

Yeah, if you ever come back out here, definitely give me a heads up if you want to hang out! Never heard of Dandelion before, but a quick look on Google shows that it's on the same street as the tattoo shop I'll be at on Sunday, so maybe I'll give it a look.

 

update, friend finally posted, but now I've a second friend going IP Sigh!

I'm also anxious today about a party tomorrow. not only party anxiety, but the drive there and getting up early enough and the shopping beforehand. ugh!

 

what's it called when you work on yourself as much as you can but can never shake the feeling that you don't actually have any friends and if you didn't reach out first then no one would talk to you ever again

 

dunno the name, but know the feeling. only my parents initiate or others, when they want something. Admittedly tho, i do the latter a lot, but usually with those particular others.