New Girl (FOX) TV Show • Page 29

"WALLY STOP BLOWING THE WHISTLE YOU'RE SEXUALLY SAFE"

"FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

"Ain't no prank like a badger prank cause its dangerous as hell."

"Stop being mean to me or i swear to god im gonna fall in love with you"

"What is this.. your rib cage has give."

 

Would you rather be covered in fish scales or feathers? Scales? Why, you weirdo?

1989 was the year I learned to use the toaster by myself.

Time to make the puke Russell!

Jew in the couch! Sorry...Jew PERSON in couch.

It’s like up is down. Up is the new down, man!

For what it’s worth, I think what I did is really brave.

1:03am. February 15th. Right. On. Schedule.

Now go away! Because I’m...having CEREAL.

Your chicken broccoli totally fuels my night bikes.

Two moons have passed!

Jessica P?!? Jessica FREAKING P?!?

 

I feel like the joke density on this show is underrated.

 

I don’t know that there’s been a more joke dense show in the last twenty years other than 30 Rock and AD.

 

It’s 2012, Winston. Typing is not a special skill.

 

Is there a hot way of saying “I don’t feel sexy after I’ve had a lot of cheese?”

 

Man, Pepperwood is just non-stop lines:

What are you, the doodle police?
...there's no doodle police, are there?

I'm from Chicago. Thin crust pizza? No thank you. I'm from Chicago.

Nick, what's my one rule?
It's to not steal your yarn.
Don't steal my yarn, man. It's my one thing.

Nothin, man, you look good in your dockers.

What am I supposed to call them? Sweet tangy balls?

Close your mouth, close your eyes!

A lot of normal people live with their mothers! Like my uncle Randy.
He can't go near parks!
He was cleared.

Writers don't read, we write.

They make shoes for your penis! They're called pants!

Winston said you make fun of my gremlin toenails. That you call them clickity clacks. Centaur boots.

We might have some pressed lentil syrup in the mixins cabinet.

 

I say this one like once a day

 

Teach, if I leave my glasses on, am I a bad boy?

 

I just have a deaf grocer.

 

Happy Endings, Kimmy Schmidt, and Don't Trust the B are all shows that I think pack them in even more than New Girl.

 

Happy Endings packed it full of bad jokes at times though

 

You can’t put a woman in a fish tank, Winston. That doesn’t make any sense!

 

The One Where I Counted the Jokes in Popular Sitcoms

 

second to 30 Rock is very high in this category

 

Damn, he didn't do any of the ones I mentioned

 

would love to see the joke stats for Veep

 

A Non-Scientific Study Reveals That ‘Veep’ Contains More Jokes Per Minute Than Any Other Show

 

Cream cheese in bulk?!?

I think of this line reading from time to time and it always makes me laugh.

 

"TV Town Song Room? You mean Radio City Music Hall? How could you get so many things wrong in a row?"

"You have more apartments than i have jeans"

"Why don't we get married?"
"............naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah"

"I look like if Lebron James turned around"

 

Winstons proposal is the best TV proposal ever

 

Up there for me, too. I'm very partial to Jules and Grayson on Cougar Town.

 

"What kind of taco meat y'all bitches have?"

"ARE YOU THE CRIMINALS!? FROM THE STATISTICS!?"

"I just touched one of your breasts WHERE IS MY WIFE"

"A white man broke in"
"A WHITE MAN!? NO"

 

This is still one of the best lines ever

 

I rewatch past season two so rarely cause I love the first two seasons so much but there’s a lot of great stuff in three and four!

the Honey Roast is heaven.