(Reasons We're Probably Not) Dating Or In A Relationship Thread NSFW • Page 165

maybe it will be eventually

maybe I am v blunted and talking out of my substantial derriere

 

Most people can't react well to abrupt change. You get used to something for so long and all of a sudden you don't have it anymore and have to adapt to it. It's normal to take time to adjust. I wish I reacted more harshly to my ex and his friends than being all sappy and depressed and desperate. They weren't worth it and I couldn't care less about a single one of them now.

Next time anyone speaks like that to you, ask them, if they lost someone very close to them for whatever reason and you said "get over it" would they find you sympathetic and would they feel better? It may be a harsh analogy, but, if somebody they loved died, you wouldn't say "get over it" right? But it's still traumatizing and depressing and is something that needs a long time to adjust to. And people should be sympathetic, not cruel.

Similarly, the longer you have a relationship with someone the longer it may take to heal, because of all the memories and times you've shared. No genuine human being can talk like that to another without being a hypocrite and selfish. They don't deserve patience and understanding from anyone if they aren't patient and understanding themselves.

 

Most of the time, people rush others through mourning periods because the pain of others makes them uncomfortable. In the end, it is about them and the presence of pain tears away whatever facade of happiness they have erected. If you remember it is them and not you, it helps and you may be able to find those that are capable of providing empathy. It gets easier over time, particularly as you build support and other friendships in the wake of separation. After a while, you wake up and realize you feel nothing towards this person in whom you invested love and attention. At least, that has been my experience.

 

Thanks, you're absolutely right. I have always heard that with long relationships it can take up to half the time of the relationship to be fully over it (I hope that's not the case here haha but who knows!)
It is a very long time and like I think I mentioned, it's coming from people who have never been in a 5 year relationship.
The one girl is married but she was with him for a very brief time before marrying...I still want to say to her what if your husband decided to just up and leave you? You would be looking for a completely different reaction than the one you're giving me.
But she feels its different because they are married.
I'm not saying my relationship is comparable to a marriage, but the time frame is definitely significant.

Edited to add: @Dominick thank you

 

I've had four different women message me on a dating app and they all seem boring.

 

Good problems?

 

I think the half the relationship thing is pretty arbitrary and I thought it must be nonsense. When I was ditched after a 3.5-4 year relationship though, it did actually take me about two years to really get myself back together.

I also found that there was a strange point where I stopped missing the woman in question and just missed the relationship. That was both a happy and a grim realisation.

 

I really don't have 2.5 years to get my shit together man I'm getting old lol :/

 

Pah. Pah pah pah pah. That's what I have to say back to that, because it's equally as sensible as what you said!

 

Hahhah. I mean I'm definitely in full fledged quarter life crisis mode these days. I'm painfully aware of how long I have to have kids until my body says screw you, and I also have an idea in my head of being dating and married for a certain amount of time before that.....it makes me feel like oh I have to meet my husband...tomorrow...if I want that to happen. Lol

 

http://www.refinery29.uk/2016/07/116658/older-mothers-outnumber-younger-first-time-news
Over 40s 'have more babies' than under 20s - BBC News

 

I'm still halfway in quarter life crisis mode. It's the in between of "I'll just get old and write scores" and "But what if I have no chance of meeting anyone later on" and I can't decide which side I'm on.

 

Folks, you need to stop privileging romantic love over other forms of love. That love is finite because passion is not meant to last; it is an effect of the newness and as you grow older with your partner, what is left is something more akin to friendship. Anyway, the other forms of love could offer fulfillment. I mean, we are really limiting ourselves. I don't think I'll ever find the sort of affection I feel for my friends. Also, don't worry about dying alone, because we all die alone. :)

 

the only worry about dying alone is that I'll die slowly and painfully because nobody will care about me and they'll only find me when the stench becomes so unbearable that the neighbors realize there's a dead body in there weeks or months later

 

My friends will all find love and leave me.

I don't worry about dying alone! I worry about the time between now and then living alone.

 

Cyanide capsule in the tooth, my friend.

 

Hey well you won't have to deal with it don't sweat it

 

I hate Jack and Rose from titanic for making me look for their kind of love in all of my suitors.

 

Those stories about people dying and no one knowing so they're decomposing and their pets are eating them. That gives me the willies.

 

True love is, in fact, having sex in an early twentieth century car, followed by drowning. Seems about right.

 

I was gonna bring up the guy who got eaten by his lizards but I see you've got me covered there

 

I just found out that Jack and Rose weren't real passengers. I was pretty upset about it.

 

I wish they were real. I'd ask the granddaughter how she felt when her grandmother told her about being drawn nude and the ensuing fuck session.

 

Tonight and tomorrow are gonna be so rough

 

Yeah it is!!!