Mental Health Thread • Page 294

I want to die

 

I’m sending positive vibes to everyone in here.

 

This feeling has gotten even stronger recently.

 

My brother died a week ago. My family is in shambles at the moment and I'm losing all sense of reality. I want to run away. I want to start over. I'm a failure and my family is left with me. My parents got stuck with the shitty son.

 

I’m so sorry for your loss @Vase Full Of Rocks

 

So sorry to hear that. Sending you positive vibes

 

not in treatment and job hunting. every single ad makes me feel like an inadequate piece of shit

 

I can't tell if anyone even really wants me around.

 

Does anyone else live with BDD? Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one, and no one understands what it’s like. I can’t stand to look in mirrors. I’ll look down when I wash and dry my hands. I rather shower at night because there less lighting coming in the window so I don’t have to look at myself. I cover up my body as much as I can so I don’t feel repulsed by myself, Even when I’m alone. Every time I look in the mirror I want to cry how hideous I am. What I hate the most is when you cover up, you get called a “prude” for not “putting out”. People think you’re weird for not wearing shorts. Yet they respect Muslim and other cultures of those that choose to cover up their body. My ex couldn’t deal with my BDD and got tired of it. It was hurtful how he wasn’t understanding. I fear that I will never find someone who will understand and support me. It’s hard to wake up every day and hate yourself. I rather be dead than be alone and ugly. I feel like people like me have no place on earth.

 

I do and I relate to this post 100%, having just come home from work and not being able to shower there in fear of coworkers seeing my semi-naked body for example. I wish I could help but I struggle with this so much it's overwhelming as well.

 

I had some pretty severe BDD at one point. It still sneaks up but it's mostly managed. But I definitely used to cry over the way I looked and still now I'll be like ugh... Like this is actually the face I have to live with forever?! It was really tough growing up because my sister is beautiful and I always felt in her shadow. She was always the pretty one and I felt like I just got all the sucky leftover genes. She had the clear skin and small nose and straight teeth and good eyesight. All the boys loved her and all our relatives gushed over how pretty she was. To this day I still struggle to look people in the eye because I got into a habit of looking down when I walked because I didn't think anyone should have to look at my face. And while I wouldn't necessarily agree that Muslims are respected for their choices, I do relate to what you're saying in regards to modesty or shyness. I feel very uncomfortable in a bathing suit or anything low cut and I much rather be covered up so I've always been regarded as fairly uptight in that sense. Like I refuse to wear bathing suit bottoms. I'll only wear shorts or something because I feel like I'm in my underwear and I feel exposed, but everyone thinks I'm a weirdo

 

I totally understand this. You’re not alone here.

 

This is the first year in a long time where I feel like I’m generally in an ok place around the holidays and I hope it lasts.

 

At least twice a month I think I’m having a heart attack or stroke. I’m deathly afraid of it and once I feel anything my anxiety kicks in which makes everything worse. I’m trying to find a doctor to get a therapist and cholesterol medication but no one in my area is seeing people until January at the earliest. I don’t want to go to the ER if nothing is physically wrong but I also don’t want to die in my sleep if it’s something more than anxiety. It’s happening again now and it’s not fun.

 

I just really don't want to wake up tomorrow. Just don't even anymore.

 

I needed to read this, thanks! This post motivated me to stop self-pitying about my loneliness, so I installed this one and okcupid again. I'll see how it goes. Hopefully everything goes well for you as well, and I wish you the best!

Going to two Charli XCX shows in the past week was kind of a game changer for me. I can't remember ever feeling this safe and free to be myself, hence buying a ticket for the second show... In some way I needed to relive that experience otherwise I wouldn't know when it would happen again. I was able to talk to someone in the waiting line, though I didn't want to bother them once their friends arrived... that was a start I guess.

I kind of blame myself a lot for still feeling like an outcast or something, because I tend to hear from people that it's a thing that is supposed to go away past your teenage years. Idk about that being true, but to me it only got worse over time as my surroundings get into relationships, are about to get married or are planning to have kids, while I still feel like I'm 12 and have everything to learn in terms of social interactions lol. Being confused about my sexual orientation and not knowing how to handle all the emotions around it aren't helping either.

 

hell yeah!! so glad the Charli shows had that impact on you. feeling “safe and free” to be yourself is really powerful, I hope that feeling continues.
I relate so much to your last paragraph, this year two of my closest friends got married, and I couldn’t stop framing it as “they have this and I don’t. I’m behind/less than because of it” which is just so not the case. Everyone goes through life and has relationships at totally different times and there’s no one “right” way to do it so to compare yourself to others in that respect is never helpful.
I hope ok cupid and bumble find you some good people!! proud of you

 

Been in a weird funk lately. Just feeling down on myself and overthinking everything anybody says or does. Just feel like people have lost interest in me or don’t enjoy being around me anymore. I know I’m probably just overthinking it but I don’t know. I just feel distant.

 

Very much same here. I feel like I’ve been doing better generally but as far as relationships go I feel horribly isolated. Usually those feelings only pop up when I’m really in a low spot as a whole so I don’t know how to process it by itself.

 

You are extremely likable Joe, you are always pleasant and thoughtful

 

I’m really sorry to hear that. just know that we all have thoughts like that and self-doubt is something I personally deal with every single day. I have pretty much those same thoughts on a daily basis but I know it’s just my mind and that people do love me and do care about me, and I think you know that too. sometimes it’s hard to see that tho and it’s never an easy thing to turn off the incessant chatter in our brains but you are loved, you are well-liked by many and I just hope you can see that. I love you, Joe. I’m always here if you need to talk and I mean that. be well

 

I've been doing slightly better the last few days. No more suicidal ideation. I finally changed my phone plan and number so that I no longer have any connection with my oldest sister and that was a major step in the right direction.

 

Might as well die. This so-called life isn't working for me. No job. No nothing. No future

 

that’s just not true tho. we’ve all had hard times but if you keep fighting, you will make it out. nothing is a better motivator to change your situation than suffering. and I’m sorry to see you suffering in such a way but know that your life matters, that you matter. don’t get too down on yourself. if you try, you’ll get out of this black period. remember: there’s always hope. I wish you the best