Accountability in Music • Page 303

That seems to me like a view that tries to run away from holding the dissonance of material/societal conditions often creating and enabling the “turbulent worlds” that hold all this rage, and abusive behavior being unequivocally unacceptable regardless

But I’ll step out now cause I’ve probably already said too much

 

Here's the thing, we all live in that same stupid fucking world and we're not all abusive assholes.

 

I'm sure all the narcissistic assholes think they're the victim too.

 

Lundy Bancroft is literally the premier source on the psychology of abusive men. He has worked with, pathologized, and even rehabilitated THOUSANDS of men. He made it his life’s mission to help at-risk people - mainly women- see the patterns of abuse and understand why it happens.

He understands the cognitive dissonance that creates these men and instead of excusing it, gives those who need it the tools to fight it or overcome it. Please, google his work because he has put more thought into it than you ever have.

On a personal note, I had a horrific, traumatic childhood and I suffer from mental illness, and yet I manage to not abuse every person I come into contact with. Anyone who has had these experiences knows you must reckon with what you came from. Mat has had numerous people over numerous years call him out, and each and every time he has dodged that reckoning. His crocodile tears over how hard his life has been is a tactic and people who value that reaction over the multiple victims of his abuse are allowing themselves to be played by the #1 trick in the fucking book.

 

Yeah my ex def used his traumatic life experiences to manipulate and abuse me. It was always a way to rope me in and feel guilty for "abandoning" him blah blah bs if you've been thru lots of traumatic events and are regularly using that to abuse others u need help not enablers

 

fought mat cothran in a bar in columbia once bc he said something shitty to my wife bc she had the audacity to say she didn't like the beatles (she's wrong, who cares)

i need to quit interacting irl with frontmen of bands

 

that being said there's been a ton of extremely shitty stuff dug up about sam throughout the years, as well. really no winner here.

 

extremely hard to trust sam ray but elvis depressedly has a past history of being a notoriously shitty dude and corroborating stories from ex band members leads me to believe he is indeed an abusive piece of shit

 

That whole crew has bad vibes. I excused their shitty behavior online because I enjoyed their music, but yeah. Fuck him

 

IMO Sam is a genuine person who can be confusing to read and is easily misunderstood, to my knowledge he has readily owned up to his faults and his worst ones now just seem to be talking shit about music, which is fine

(redacted some personal stuff)

 

not calling out anyone in particular/not trying to detract from any conversations but i have noticed over the last couple of pages (and the site in general) that there’s been some harmful language used. considering the nature of this thread it is important that the language we use is inclusive.

here’s some resources regarding the types of words i’m talking about:
No Joking Matter: Words and Disability
How to avoid using ableist language - Dear Everybody

 

Asking this from a place of genuinely wanting to learn - I totally understand this when it comes to 'retarded', 'spaz' etc., but it feels to me that 'blind' and 'deaf' fall into a different category... I don't know, I guess they have more objective definitions? I've never considered that phrases like "he was blind to the fact" or "fell on deaf ears" are inherently ableist, because to me they don't convey a value judgement in the way that called someone a psychopath does. Does that make any sense?

Really happy to be educated on this.

 

i’m neither blind or deaf so i’m not an authority on this but i interpret those phrases to frame deafness/blindness as places of ignorance. i think the way the words are being used is important as well. similar to how “gay” can be used as an insult/a way to belittle someone.

 

Hi there, I am legally blind in one eye and otherwise am on the severe end of visual impairment without my glasses. Sure, I'm not what you would think of as "blind" but I think the assessment that saying things like "blind to the fact..." or "blind spot" or "blindsided" etc etc is ableist is very patronizing. I think it's generally accepted that blind has multiple definitions and shouldn't be equated to "calling things gay".

The end.

 

This is kinda where I was coming from, thanks for the input.

 

"Teenage Dream" video star accuses Katy Perry of sexual harassment

 

The one I don’t understand that’s listed in that one article linked is “lame.” Can someone explain this one to me? Genuinely curious.

Edit: I just looked up the definition of the word and wow, I legitimately had no idea that’s what that word actually meant.

 

There have been multiple stories about Katy having no boundaries and touching others without consent. She touched Shawn Mendes a while back without consent. She also talked about throwing a bottle at Russell brands head when she met him. She clearly needs work on this and be held accountable.

He also Needs to like.... Not make it about how women are JUST AS PERVERSE AND POWERFUL AS MEN because no.

 

This. I believe his experience was real but the MRA language (and also belittling sex workers)... he can keep that part.

 

Was it Shawn Mendes she kissed at an awards show or was that a separate incident of being inappropriate and nothing happening?

 

Not to pile onto Katy, but she also kissed that young guy on American Idol on the lips after he clearly says no. Big bummer.

 

Yeah, like, there's a way to discuss how men can be targeted for sexual harassment/assault too (considering the real problem of how people speak about sexual assault against men that exists in this country) without saying it in such a goddamn gross way.

 

Katy Perry is consistently awful. Every time I think about that charity fundraiser with the Orlando Bloom date, I get pissed off all over again.

 

Katy is one of those I empathize with a lot. There is no excuse for her behavior because she has access to so much information and there are plenty of people who grow up in oppressive religious environments without assaulting ppl. She basically grew up with no education and has said as much. I totally feel for her on that front and im honestly surprised she's even as functioning as she is given how awful her upbringing was and how terrible her parents are and how they leech off her success but damn her to hell in the next breath. But it's at the point where she has a documented history and needs to seriously work on this and listen to others and take accountability. At best she has zero boundaries and when at her worst she's legit assaulting ppl. She's frustrating because she can demonstrate growth in some areas but just isn't getting it in other important aspects like her treatment of others.

 

I feel women with/in power handle it a ton better then men because they usually have a much steeper mountain to climb which I would imagine creates great perspective and humility.