Mental Health Thread • Page 272

between one of my friends' od'ing, one friend attempting suicide, and another one going to the emergency room for a panic attack, all in the matter of a few days, everything is falling apart around me. its like all the shit feelings has hit me and everyone else in my life at the same time and we're struggling to be there for each other. i had to push my graduation a couple months and take a break from bootcamp because the stress between that and my personal life is so overwhelming, i'm physically sick to my stomach every morning and night. i'm so fucking tired of this plane of existence pushing me and everyone i love around.

 

I really want to disappear into the woods for a few days when I'm in NY, but I don't know if I'm going to be healed enough to be able to embrace the dirt. Also I'd need a car and I don't feel like answering questions as to why I want to be far away from the people who own said car lol

Good lord I need a check in with my therapist

 

I can't sleep because I was so exhausted from pms the last like three days all I did was sleep. And now that I actually need to sleep I can't sleep. And I have to be at work early ugggh. Mehhhh. I hate it allllll

 

I just don’t know what’s wrong with me anymore and I just wish I could disappear forever
I’m so tired of letting everyone around me down and just working so hard with nothing to show for it and what feels like no future ahead of me

I’m just exhausted with life

 

If you ever wanna talk you can pm me Joe

 

Soonest I can get a Dr appt is August 13 so I have approx two more months of misery before something may even maybe change

 

my inbox is open if you guys need to vent/ talk / whatever

 

I scheduled an appointment with my therapist tomorrow very last minute...got some news yesterday that is going to impact my life for the next couple of years and it already complicates the feelings I was dealing with. I'm gonna call out of work and just take a personal day, go to my therapist and try to talk some of this out because I can feel dark days coming. I've been here before.

 

Hope everything is as OK as it can be!

 

Been rationing my meds over the past couple weeks (some days I take half, others i skipped entirely) under the assumption I'd need to see my doctor again to get a refill. Thankfully pharmacy called me today with another month and they'll contact my doctor to hopefully schedule future refills. Just haven't been able make an appointment with a therapist and was embarrassed over the past couple months. Just don't really have the money or an easy way to get to one at the moment with my car being out of commission. Could probably Lyft, but want to boost my savings before scheduling sessions with anyone.

Had my year review today at my job and while overall good, my trepidation leading into it and during it and the combination of not taking my meds properly has me a little out of it today.

 

I was completely honest with my therapist today about how I've been feeling and you know what? I do feel the tiniest bit better and the tiniest bit like I can start to deal with the hardest thing I've avoided for so long.

 

I got a bizarre string of emails today from an old friend. It started with her sharing a poem she wrote about her father (I'd told her to email it to me) then one or two "hey how you doing I've had a rough year since my dad died, miss you" then "you blew me off a few years ago when I was in SF I don't need you in my life" and I'm not in the headspace to deal with it yet. Part of me thinks she's back to drinking regularly, and part of me also knows she keeps a mental list of grudges/wrongs so it could just be that...all I can do right now is kinda smile sadly though.

 

It’s like a nightmare on repeat that I didn’t see coming. But it’s reality. I don’t know what to do I am so broken. I didn’t eat last night, and I couldn’t even sleep even tho I took a sleep pill to help. My biggest fear is coming true. Didn’t think I’d ever see this day

 

I wish I could practice what I preach.

Like life is short. My life is like insignificant in the grand scheme. So I wish I could just loosen up and enjoy it, but anxiety is always holding me back. Like who cares what others think?? Just do u. But when it comes to practicing that I hit a wall. I'm insecure and a people pleaser and I think that hinders me a lot. People who are older than me always tell me that they were the same at my age and learned to be more confident as they got older, but I am impatient and want those skills now lol. I think one of my greatest fears is when I'm about to die I'll just think of all my regrets. All the times I didn't try or put myself out there, and all the opportunities I didn't take. I have plenty of time to mend that and do what I want, but I let low self esteem have control over me.

 

Alexa play Overprotected by Britney Spears

I believe in you but I don't believe in myself so I get it

 

I’ve been eating tic tacs obsessively lately and it’s helped with my anxiety. Is this a thing?

 

I can't be bothered to get out of bed today, apparently. Sigh.

 

My mental health is rapidly deteriorating again. I know I seem to go through this every couple months for no reason but I still have no friends here and that's coming into play too. My one good friend i do have i think is getting sick of me and i feel us slowly drifting apart. I feel like I don't fit in anywhere and it's really taking a toll on me. I don't even like being around groups of people having fun because it makes me feel too sad. It is making me sick to my stomach to even type this out. Sleep now...I hope tmrw is a better day.

 

Just love getting reminded that I'm a failure and a burden as soon as I wake up. And I hate when people say extremely mean shit to you and then act like you're crazy for being upset. I'm not being "sensitive." You're being an asshole.

 

Just gotta keep reminding myself I have a lot to live for and be happy about. Maybe that thought process will help others as well!

 

I'm applying for financial aid with the hospital I am getting my mental health services through and according to their numbers I make 10k less than their max income allowed for the aid and I am still nervous. My copay is $60 but it's impossible for me to see my therapist every week because of it...not to mention, I am supposed to be starting a BPD therapy group soon that is 14 weeks and one rule of the program is that I am supposed to supplement that with my individual therapy once a week...so we are looking at $120 x 14 weeks. Basically I need this financial aid to come through

 

feelin this hard!

 

fellin worthless

 

Having a tough time with this break up. He was everything I could hope for but didn’t think I could find. We met a few months after a tough time for me. He turned everything around. I was happy for once. And other people can see I was happy too. Now im majorly depressed and don’t know what to do. I moved more of my stuff out and trying to sort thru my belongings getting rid of stuff I don’t need. Didn’t realize I have so much stuff. I want to try to do that ASAP so I can find a place of my own to live