Mental Health Thread • Page 264

ugh I called to refill my prescription today as it ran out and they said I have to wait until I get an appointment since I haven't been in six months, and that won't be for two weeks. not looking forward to any lexapro withdrawal symptoms in that time

 

So I'm on a higher dosage of Vyvanse now and I feel fucking running at 1000%. It kind of feels like the movie Limitless. I legitimately have the energy and motivation to complete every project I've been putting off for months.

 

God I'm in love with Vyvanse.... and manic episode after.

My license got suspended during a manic episode. It took them 8 months for me to go to trial. So I've been driving for 8 months. They gave me a DUI despite no alcohol, no drugs, and i was on less prescription meds than usual. Cops didn't even see me driving I was pulled on the side of the road. Said some crazy shit to them. I had to take a plea or they threatened to come harder at me. Feels like I'm in prison. How does this help anyone or anything? What kind of a justice system is this? The judge just signed the paper and sadly said, this is unfortunate. I'm stuck inside for 7 months and it takes me 2 and a half hours to get anywhere besides go to work.

 

Well, I did go to the cherry blossom festival, but my co-worker was too hungover to join so I went by myself. Glad I did. Got to finally check out Japan Town and the bookstore there as well as buy some prints from the artist I went there for. Japan Town is a cool area and I'll definitely return in the future for a meal; too busy with the festival to try today.

 

hi

 

Unfortunately the Vyvanse also gives me really bad anxiety so that's fun.

 

Omg wtf????

 

I have the biggest complex about not feeling as beautiful as my sister. It's so shallow and stupid but stems from when I was like 11 to now. Just when I think I'm over it I always get reminded of it again. Idk why I let it bother me so much. I think growing up with her as the pretty one just impacted me so much. I was the bookish one and she was the beauty queen and I feel like sometimes I accidentally fall back into those stupid roles.

 

I'll be leaving college in less than a month. That means leaving the place I've called home for the past four years of my life. Some might think that's a good thing and I know plenty of people are very excited to get into the "real world" but I frankly couldn't be less excited. Truth be told I'm scared shitless. College isn't the best for everyone but I happened to have an amazing time here and I wouldn't trade it for the world. Can't help but feel like I'm going to crash and burn once that cap gets flung skyward.

What even comes next? A desperate scramble to finish job app after job app? Moving away from the people I love and who accepted me when I came out to an unfamiliar and unaccepting environment? Never having time to make new friendships, or see my old friends? Be stuck in a career choice I'm questioning more and more every day? Be forced to live a subdued and mundane life because the "real world" has no place for weird motherfuckers like me? I just don't see myself with much of a future at all right now. I'll be glad to not have to do homework again for as long as I live or make time for school event after event after event while juggling a job, internship, classes, rehearsals and a social life - but having worked full-time over summers while living alone before, the alternative seems so mind-numbingly isolating.

This all probably sounds like the world's tiniest violin but I just needed to dump it somewhere.

 

This is the worst. I am calling tomorrow to see if I can at least get a two week script that can take me into my appointment date.

 

I’ve been alcohol free for almost two weeks and I can notice that my face is slimming down and my beer belly is starting to waste away. It feels good to see these changes.

 

anyone have any advice on managing symptoms from anti-depressants? i switched to zoloft cuz anxiety/ptsd symptoms. shit gives me a headache and i knocked out for 3 hrs after waking up for a couple hrs.

 

My birthday never fails to make me depressed for whatever reason and all I want to do is curl up in bed and cry.

 

Last week was rly rough and I'm trying to do better but am facing setbacks. I'm rly trying to go to the gym, eat well, take my meds and supplements, etc which I did yesterday and today. But my insurance not paying for my birth control has rly thrown me off. I take it to manage my symptoms and basically function as a human being. Without it I've been so fatigued and exhausted and experiencing migraines and soon my skin will start breaking out badly. It was difficult and draining to even make it thru the day. I'm trying to do everything I can but I feel like it's biology working against me. I'm getting off work early on Friday and am going to spend that time with my nephew so I'm hoping that helps, but I feel like behaviorally I'm doing all that I can so it's super frustrating. I just want to cry.

 

F that noise. Make your doc do a peer to peer for your bc


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Surgery is starting to feel a bit more real. Had my second to last electrolysis appointment today. Pretty much just ready to get this show on the road now. I'm in several trans support groups on FB and it's wild to look at the guys just starting out and thinking about how far I've come from that point. Three years ago I was a fucking mess

 

I may have a new job soon friendos! things are looking up

 

42 days until I can seek mental healthcare and contact lenses

 

Some things are looking up (I have a new job, finally) but I still feel so fucking depressed. Like, today, I haven't showered, have barely left my bed, left the house once to get food, and I just feel generally miserable and don't want to do anything. I fucking hate feeling like this. I dunno if some of this is because I stopped taking trazodone kind of abruptly but I just want it all to stop.

 

I'm really sorry you're in such a dark place. I can identify with that at several different points in my life. Just know that while things may seem hopeless now, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel.

If you have loved ones you can talk with and hang out with outside of your home, I found that spending time with people was a great distraction that made me feel better in general. But I do know it can be hard to even *want* to go out when you're in a dark place. I hope the new job helps, and definitely give your body some time to adjust to stopping the trazadone :). It is a psych med, so it is possible that it could have to do with things. I had some annoying side effects from that stuff when I was on it and am glad I no longer take it.

 

I'm averaging 4 hours of sleep a night, and all I do is go to work, go to school, and do homework. The only thing I have to look forward to is summer break, but I know I'll probably end up doing nothing until school starts again.

Life just isn't enjoyable anymore and I don't know if it ever will be again.

 

I am going to a Round1 on Saturday with some of my friends so I at least have that to look forward to. I think part of the problem is that I've had this entire week off from work and the fact that there's really nothing to do is compounding whatever problems I'm already having

 

Last two weeks have been super tough. I'm unhappy and I'm disappointed in myself. If there is one attribute I wish I had, is that I wish I was brave. When I don't think I've been brave I get really hard on myself. Every time I'm reminded that I still live in this town it's because I know I'm not being brave. I'm letting it hold me back and I feel like my life will always be on hold until I am brave enough to move. I'm just so tired. I'm physically tired and am tired of being unhappy.

 

Got reamed out by a co-worker for not doing my work and not communicating. He's completely right. I used to work for another boss in the same company and I almost never did anything and if I did it had no impact on anything. Now that I'm expected to do something, I'm not sure I can. I haven't actually worked in so long. I've also convinced myself I'm a useless piece of shit that can't amount to anything.

It's one of those days where I want to completely abandon my name, who I am and just move away. I fear that I'm exactly who I think I am: the exact person I complain about and hate. I don't believe I can change people's perceptions of me. I'm lazy. I'm a leech. Why bother?

 

zoloft is fucking me up

 

We had a fire in our kitchen today (my boyfriend got some heated vegetable oil on a burner) and were extremely fortunate that only the stove and some knick knacks were damaged. But I had to barrel my cats into carriers and run them outside. We didn’t have renters insurance (signing up later today bc holy shit) but I had a full on meltdown panic attack on the sidewalk outside after the fire department confirmed it was fine and we weren’t in danger and I’m still feeling extremely shaky and upset. My boyfriend is doing a really good job of cleaning everything and handling me with kid gloves. But we could have lost everything, our cats could have been hurt, we could have ruined someone ELSE’s apartment and it just feels very existential and terrible.

The very small upside is that our apartment manager replaced our oven within the hour but I just feel so bad and embarrassed. I know accidents happen but it is so embarrassing and also so scary.