Mental Health Thread • Page 20

My political work and the state of the world causes severe. I remain committed, but as of late, the difficulty of trying to develop meaningful change in Baltimore has left me feeling completely drained. Even the day to day racism becomes difficult to respond to, which feeds a cycle of feeling like I should have responded when I could not, which leads to me being severely self-critical.

 

Oh great another reschedule

 

I've had a good weekend as far as emotions go but I've been wound so tight and running off of adrenaline. I couldn't sleep last night which is normal for me but sitting here..I'm starting to feel depressed and a little panicky. I really, really don't like feeling both emotions at once. I just tell myself to breathe and I'll get through it but I want to curl up and cry which I refuse to let myself do.

 

I get laid off summers and I chose not to find other work this summer. I got so overwhelmed and burned out this year that mentally I need a break. No way I can take on another stressful job and then as soon as summer ends go right back to my other stressful job. But ppl are judging and asking why and telling me now I "know better" for next year like it wasn't a conscious decision I made. I made a choice for my mental health. Leave me alone lol!


And then today I confessed about some anxiety I was feeling to a friend and she said "just do it. It won't be that bad." And I know she didn't mean anything by it but it's why I prefer not to talk to ppl about it. Like... just do it? Never thought of that before!! And logically knowing it won't be that bad doesn't make it easier but most ppl don't get that. Idk today was the day of ppl's innocuous comments getting on my nerves ha

 

Thank you very much. So sweet of you to say. Living in Tampa, the tragedies were definitely close enough to have friends of friends be victims. It's mindblowing that something like this can happen so close to home.

1- I totally feel this. I chose not to take summer classes and mentioned to family that I was sleeping in because it's summer and they rudely replied "you are an adult you don't get summer anymore" (I'm 24). Like....but I am a college student so yes I literally do. And sorry that I needed a mental break after a stressful semester. The irony is that the person who said this is a teacher! So I was just like....you have a summer too!!

2- I feel like one of the biggest struggles of having anxiety is people who don't have it TRULY don't get it sometimes. Even if they mean well they make comments like these that leave you feeling frustrated and misunderstood. Just so you know there ARE people you can talk to about it (us!) and we totally understand.

 

something I wrote. definitely cheesy, but I'm being torn apart in different directions and I need something to hold on to

 

I was thinking about it, over the last five years I've dealt with my Dad dying from ALS, my Gran dying from Cancer, my Mum dying with a lung disease, my girlfriend of 3 years breaking up with me, both of my childhood dogs dying, and I was recently dumped by a new girlfriend (This I'm not so phased by), and now my only remaining grandparent, my gran at 96, is barely holding it together.

My friend summed it up pretty perfectly with "Fucking Hell Chris... your life."

 

fucking hell. i honestly have no words (and i usually have a lot of those).

i hope things go well for you. it's not much, but if there's anything we might be able to do for you just say so man.

 

im starting counseling soon as part of my rehab and im actually looking forward to it, ive let my severe depression go unaddressed for far too long and look where that got me

 

I miss her so much

 

I wish I was less proud, and better at talking sincerely about things that bother me. Reading this thread and people being straightforward about their own problems is encouraging, at least.

 

This song hits so hard. Literally on repeat.

 

Today I saw my dad for the first time in a few months. It was really nice and we had a great dinner at his apartment and everything. But he (a diagnosed bipolar patient) expressed that he was concerned that I was expressing bipolar behaviors such as rapid speech and the fact that I don't sleep much at night and honestly... This is what I've always been a bit afraid of. I'm not sure what to do other than talk to counselors when school starts up again in August. As for now, I'm just stuck ruminating on his comments and wondering if I really do fit that profile or if I'm just anxious etc.

 

I should be going out for my friend's birthday tonight but I hate myself too much right now to do anything. Don't know how to tell her that though.

 

I think I'm going to start writing in a journal to get my thoughts out and then I can stop posting every mundane thought on chorus too lol. I haven't had a journal since my lovely mother searched my room for mine and then read it aloud to my sister and then proceeded to tease me about what was in it for years but I'm not bitter or anything...........

But I'm an adult now so I'm gonna look for a cute one and really nice pens cause I'm a dork about really good pens

 

Been in a big funk lately depression wise. I just haven't felt like doing anything at all. I felt really bad because my friend's bachelorette party was last night and I left early. But sitting in a bar filled with people was just giving me anxiety and I just wanted to go to bed (which is what I did when I got home). I don't drink either so just sitting there and feeling like a loser because everyone is wanting you to drink doesn't exactly help you feel any better. Really feel like an asshole but I'm glad her wedding is next weekend so I can be done with being a bridesmaid. It has been giving me horrible anxiety because I won't really know anyone and I don't have a date or anything to it and I still have no idea how I'm getting home since I don't drive. Everyone is going to want me to dance and I hate dancing because I'm so awkward. I just hate having any attention on me.

 

@Jams hi you sound so much like me.

I know it's hard to remember this when its you in the position you're in, but nobody is likely to be bothered by those things. You didn't get invited to a bar to drink, you got invited because those people wanted to spend time with you, regardless of what you were or weren't consuming. It's hard to remember that but any time I'm at a party or anything and feeling weird about not drinking I try to remember that if they cared I wouldn't have been invited, because they knew before I showed up I wouldn't be drinking.

also, you are not obligated to dance, despite what annoying people at parties like to tell you. It's okay to say no and be comfortably yourself, even though I understand the way that can lead to more anxiety at times.

Idk if any of this makes sense or helps but I'm sorry you've been going through it lately.

 

Thank you for this post! All day I've been stewing over last night and feeling lame (like I always do lol) and this really helped a lot! I know what you are saying is true, just in the moment of everything you kinda forget. I think my biggest problem is I'm a pushover and a people-pleaser so I hate saying no when asked to do anything. It's been my main goal to work on this year, so I think this wedding is gonna be a big test for me. Just gotta be me and remember what you said: I was invited to it because they want me to be there as myself so I should just do what feels natural to me.

 

Good luck at the wedding! I'm positive it'll work out fine.

 

I posted some of this before but got nervous and deleted it, but I just can't shake the feeling of needing to say it somewhere, even if it's deaf ears(eyes) it falls on.

I have a deep-seeded self hatred that follows me everywhere. I'm constantly telling myself what's wrong with me, why everybody who's near me hates me, and that I shouldn't be burdening them with my presence. It's caused me to remove myself from any type of social setting that may come up. This, obviously, makes it impossible to meet people. So my home life is essentially me practicing music between going to work to teach music, and that's it. Locked in a room with my instruments. I feel like I have no reason to be here. Nobody cares if I'm home or if I'm on the road or if I just simply wasn't around anymore. It's hard for me not to stop caring sometimes too.

It sinks back in hard when I get home from tour, which I just did a few days ago. When I'm on the road, I'm forced to be social with my band-mates, other bands we play with, and locals in each city. But more than that it feels like I'm gaining something. Like I actually have a reason to be alive and to keep pushing forward. It's nice to share your art with strangers and it's even nicer for them to tell you after the show that your art has impacted them.
When I get home, though, it sinks immediately back into me and my instruments, locked doors, radio silence. I remind myself that nobody cares, and it becomes a waiting game till the next tour, which probably isn't for another 6 months or so. I just wish I didn't always have to be me, because I know I can be hard to get along with- I never get along with me myself, why should I expect anyone else to?



This is also being coupled with some feelings I suppress until this time of year regarding my sexuality and my father's reaction to some things he discovered when I was younger that I've never told anyone about (except one person on here, hi, if you read this). I was basically taught that day, and the day that I started playing music, that what I am is wrong, what I feel is wrong, and I should hide it from everybody forever.

idk, just had to talk I guess. Let me know if this shouldn't be here or if it makes anyone uncomfortable and I can delete it.

 

I struggle with self hatred and tearing myself down on a reg basis so I know how you feel there. I will never know the pain of not being able to be yourself and feel acceptance especially from your family. I know words don't help and there is no solution but you do matter and, in this thread, you're safe no matter what. There are tons of us here for you if you ever need someone.

 

I'm in a depressive episode when I was in one not long ago. I'm just exhausted, physically and mentally. Trying to find the positives every day and wake up on time, I can't seem to stop over sleeping. I know it'll pass but every episode I go through is different and always a struggle to manage

 

I always feel so guilty about being depressed. My life could be so much worse and I wish I could focus on that instead of how bad I feel. I feel guilty for putting my family through it. (they're really supportive now that they understand how bipolar works in my case) I had gone 8 months with no symptoms and then bam..I had mania a couple weeks ago. I rarely experience the manic side and it's almost worse than the depression.

My dad left work early and drove all the way to my house bc he didn't want me to be by myself while having an episode. He used to tell me to suck it up and snap out of it but once he accepted that I have no control over things he is the most supportive of everyone. My sister feels bad bc she lives so far away and we're really close. I think about her crying and comforting me when I know she's hurting for me too. She cries whenever we discuss some of the bad things I've gone through. I don't think she understands the good she does for me. About the 4th time I called her crying she said pack your shit you're moving away from there and got a uhaul and I went to live with my parents.

I don't want to have relationships bc I don't want to suck anyone into this yoyo life I live. I'm blessed with friends who accept my situation and have educated themselves and are very understanding. It's something when you know something is wrong but you can't fix it. That's where the stigma of MH hurts me so badly and why I put a lot of effort into advocating. It's not a choice and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

People forget how hard mental illness is on our loved ones. They deserve some credit too.

Tldr: I'm having a bad day and feeling guilty.

 

Been in a massive downward spiral as of late.
Decided to come off of my bi-polar medication with the hope it sends me into a slightly manic phase. Hoping that if I know it's coming I can stay on top of it, and not let it get out of hand.
Very stupid, but I'm so fed up with being depressed.

 

Update: I'm currently sat drinking alone, in the dark, listening to the same song on repeat.
Clearly my plan is going well.