Mental Health Thread • Page 19

The past few weeks I'm beginning to realize how paranoid and anxious I am. Like my rm left the back door unlocked when nobody was home and I looked in every room, closet, under our beds etc to make sure there was not a murderer. When I go on walks I imagine people trying to kidnap me or attack me and what I'd do in that scenario. Sometimes I imagine a scenario where my dad has died. Only my dad and always from a car accident. I do this fairly often and worry all the time. Sometimes when I'm in the store I imagine my ex confronting me and attacking me too. I often imagine shootings too and go through those scenarios in my head. I'm also very anxious about being in control of all my senses so I won't take pain meds or drink or smoke weed and I hate loud things where I can't hear or the dark where I can't see. It's weird cause I'd describe myself as very chill and go with the flow, which I am with other people. But with little things in my life I'm obsessively controlling. idk. I think it's weird.

I've always been like this. In Kindergarten my teacher nominated me for a program where I had to work with a counselor and in 6th grade I got nominated for another similar program. I spoke to therapists in the past but not about this. I know I've had some trauma that I can't remember but I know it happened and I wonder if that impacts me, or if maybe there's even more I don't remember. But then I think maybe I'm just trying to come up with reasons to explain my weirdness and I'm inventing explanations. idkkkkk

 

Sometimes I really let it get to me that I don't look the way i want. I always wanted to be one of those girls everyone thinks is beautiful and while I'm not as bothered as I was like a decade ago, I still get a little sad sometimes. For some reason I thought being beautiful would solve all my problems. Like I would be more confident and not be so insecure and anxious and shy. But then I talk to women who I think are super beautiful and who I was always a little jealous of, and they're some of the most insecure people I know. It's sad when it feels like nobody wins.

 

hey, question directed at anyone, but more specifically the women of this thread:

what's a good way to discuss someone's mental issues (depression, anxiety, so on) without resorting to a me-centric POV? more and more, i'm finding myself engaging with people close to me in a "this is how your emotions are making me feel". Usually, when someone comes to me for help, my go-to tactic is to just let them express themelves, and just kinda get them to talk about how they feel out loud, and bounce thoughts off me, because I feel like that helps a lot of people figure out their emotional state via expression. But when it's someone super close to me that has reoccurring emotional issues caused by mental issues, i find myself resorting to "the way you're manifesting your mental issues is hurtful and makes me feel like X", and I think that I half feel like that'll just snap them out of it ("oh shit, I am such an asshole, I need to realize how I treat others") and the other half is cognizant that that does little help.

i've dealt/deal with depression and anxiety too, so it's not like I'm coming from a place of ignorance, despite the fact that no two experiences are obvs the same.

also, if anyone would like to answer/give me insight here, please don't quote my post directly, as I may delete this at one point, thanks.

 

I honestly don't even know how I'm coping with my depression right now. Going to work helps in keeping some of the thoughts at bay, but I guess I just zone out and stare at Tumblr all day when I'm at home. The self-loathing bitterness sucks so much that right now, as I'm visiting relatives, I refuse to discuss the past because I feel like it reinforces to me that the choices I made back then are holding me back now.

 

Family member thought they'd be able to get me a job at their company which would have been perfect... Turns out they don't really hire family members so I was told to just apply on the website - I know there's no way I'll get this job applying through the website because so many other better candidates will have applied. I'm feeling so down and anxious and depressed about it, I felt like that job would have been perfect for me mentally and emotionally and now I just feel like I'm back at square one. Just rambling at this point, I don't know.

 

It sucks because everyone knows they don't look twice at the resumes from people who don't have as much experience. I got my job with barely any experience bc I had awesome recommendations and I kicked ass in my 3 face to face interviews.

It's hard not to take rejections to heart and it hurts mentally as well. Don't give up! I got like 50 rejections and it took someone giving me one chance. You'll get your time to shine eventually. ❤️

 

Thanks so much! These words and your story really do make me feel better. I'm still going to apply for this job via the website just not as hopeful since a million other people will also be doing that.

Sometimes this thread really is one of the best things I've come across

 

It's comforting to know that this thread exists and we're not alone in our struggles.

 

Had a really awful dream last night and I've been on the verge of tears all day, even after crying about it this morning. Dreams have never affected me like this and it really sucks

 

I really wish I wasn't so bitter and resentful. Everything my parents are discussing with my aunt and uncle about me and my brother's lack of career path is just making me more and more bitter.

 

Glad that he's talking about this, hopefully it helps someone same with Miley Cyrus and Demi Lovato

 

This is my first time venturing into the general forum and this was the first thread I saw and I swear it almost brought me to tears. I was just like yes.

Reading this was like reading my own life. It's wild the similarities. Even things that I never thought about being attributed to anxiety/panic attacks and reading this is like OH. That's why it's so important to talk about it. Help other people navigate their own illnesses, help each other, and let us all know we're not alone.

 

Thank you! You're so lovely

 

I just had an horrible nightmare that i was screaming and couldn't breathe and my dad {who's wonderful) drugged my whole family can someone hold me

 

This shit in Orlando is bringing on some very bad feelings. I can't believe the world is so goddamn awful.

 

yeah it brought on some real bad shit for me. such a horrible attack

 

This thing has been happening recently where I totally recognize that I'm self medicating with food and alcohol but I'm like

 

I forgot to bring my meds to work today so I texted one of my roomies to leave a note on my bed reminding me to take them when I got home. This is what she left:

I damn near cried when I saw it

 

i haven't felt this awful in an entire year. i can't believe this. i just want people to be honest. this isn't fair at all. i can't fix things if i'm not told what's going on. i don't deserve to feel this upset again.

 

I don't know if this is the place to express this, and I apologize if not, but I am so scared and worried about my hearing on Thursday. I have no idea which way it will go.

 

gpoy[2]

I'm making a playlist of how I'm feeling. SO and I took a one week break just because I can't explain apathy. Dammit.

 

this past weekend has taken an extreme toll on my mental health. It seems selfish to talk about myself when I wasn't directly affected by any of the tragedies, but I cried all weekend. Scrolling through social media I am just at a loss of words for what people think is appropriate to say/share. I just feel really discouraged and hopeless.

 

This is probably going to go all over the place.

Sometimes I think I have Asperger's or something else. I don't get out and socialize because I'm really self-conscious about my social skills, personality, looks, what have you. I'll travel, hike, eat out, go to shows, etc, but when I do, I'm alone. I'm usually uncomfortable around people I don't know, but I still put myself in those situations because I don't want to miss out.

The few people I knew at my last job never really asked to hang out or anything. I presumed they didn't like me and only put up with me because we worked together. That's the reason I never reached out to them and stayed in my own lane outside of work. Except for one, the friends I did make have already come and gone. I still wonder why that one has stuck around.

If I'm comfortable with someone, eye-contact and all that jazz aren't a problem (really only my family at this point). Even small talk in public seems fine, but I only see it from my point of view. I always think the person I'm talking to is like, "Whoa, this dude is a fucking weirdo." Maybe that's the social anxiety at work. I'm sure a lot of my insecurities can be traced back to a single comments that people have made and now after all of these years, they've grown into these huge mental blocks that I can't get around.

This is what my night turned into, all because my sister called me monotone years ago and I thought about that after hearing my voice.

 

Tragedies like this weekend can really hit hard and impact your mental health, I just want you to know that I'm here for you and so is everyone else in this thread. You're not hopeless. I wish I could do more to help but I hope you know that it's okay to be affected by bad things happening, you're human, please take care of yourself