Mental Health Thread • Page 234

congrats on getting into arts college! when you finally tell your parents, just be sure to emphasize that this new path makes you happy, even if they don’t understand why you’d want to switch careers, your happiness is most important

 

Thank you that’s a really good point, which will hopefully help them understand my decision

 

Work can be so mentally and emotionally draining just cause sometimes I take on the mood of clients and it's tough, but as I was leaving work I looked at my phone and had two positive texts thanking me for stuff I did and wow it srsly set the tone for my weekend in such a positive way. It is so rare that I get that so imma take what I can.

 

I realized today how bad it gets when I don’t take medication for even one day.

 

Congrats! It takes so much courage to change your career plans. If you explain that you're doing it for your well being, I doubt your parents will be mad at you.

 

Thank you so much

 

I have absolutely no desire to be friends with my old high school friends and I don't miss them, but it still sucks when I remember they're all probably still friends and I was always the outcast. Especially because my first experience with trauma was from guys they all loved and thought were so great, and how they treated me for being a victim of abuse. I don't know, I just wish more than anything that I had good friends at that age instead of them. My mental health definitely would have been better. In addition to all that other stuff, one of them made me feel bad about my disability, anxiety, and financial struggles among other things and she was still shocked and acted like I was a horrible person when I told her I never considered her a good friend. I think if someone told me I hurt them throughout our whole friendship I'd be more concerned about their feelings and apologizing rather than vilifying them. I'm still so fucking bitter and I don't know what to do about it, I don't want to hold a grudge but sometimes I can't help it.

 

Went from being engaged to be married to being a single dad in 24 hours.

Feeling lost is a complete fucking understatement.

 

Dude. I'm so sorry. Please please pm me if you need to talk. I'm serious.

 

Is it even possible to get to a point where I don’t hate myself with every fiber of my being?

 

I hate the pressure for women to stay young forever. Like I'm closer to 30 than 20 and I don't feel old at all cause I'm not but I feel like ppl are gonna perceive me differently and it's gonna be frustrating. Like even now people will tell me "oh you're single? Good, stay single and don't get married until you're 30!" but like ok when I turn 30 suddenly it'll be an issue?? And it's just weird cause older women like project ideas of youth on me and it makes me anxious. And yeah it's easy to say screw people who pressure u with age/youth, drinking, weight, whatever the issue is but that doesn't make it easy when it's so prevalent in society that tons of people are doing it idk. Doesn't help that aging terrifies me lol espesh when so much of my identity feels like it's wrapped up in being a young woman cause u know misogyny

 

I decided I'm taking a leave of absence to focus on my health and I'm having a lot of symptoms right now and it's just a bad night. I'm so fucking upset that I have to temporarily postpone my schooling over this but I just don't feel like I can get my work done while having symptoms all the time. I hate that they still haven't given a definitive answer on what's causing my neurological symptoms I started getting 4 months ago. I feel awful in every single way.

 

^^ YIKES. Ugh that really sucks. If I were in your shoes, I'd try to be the "bad guy" and find a way to talk to her privately about the situation and try to explain to her that she's being taken advantage of .

 

I think there's a good chance I'll lose my scholarship if I withdraw, and also that I will not be able to get housing next semester, but I don't feel like I have a choice because of my illness. This fucking sucks.

I've spent like an hour looking at other options for schools. I hate this. Why did I have to get diagnosed with this illness and experience symptoms right after I got accepted to the school I really wanted to go to? It's like the universe wants to make it harder for me to get a degree.

 

Welp, just basically had it confirmed by a financial aid adviser at my school that I'll lose my scholarship, which is a good chunk of my financial aid package, if I take a leave of absence - but I'd lose it if I stayed too, because there is no way I can get a 3.5 gpa with 5 classes.

This is fucking awful. Fuck Hashimoto's Disease.

 

I keep posting about this but whatever.

I decided that school isn't worth sacrificing both physical and mental health. My conditions of going to this school were contingent on affecting both of those things. It isn't worth it and it wasn't meant to be. Oh well, c'est la vie I guess.

The thing is, there is just no way I can stay here (in my hometown) very long without getting depressed. I want to stay in New England because living near my family is important for my mental health, but I can't afford most schools in New England. So, I have two options.

One of them is attend a school I was already accepted to, has a good Communications program, and gave me a financial aid award that isn't as great as my current school's but is still really good. The scholarships I received don't have the same strict conditions, just a 3.0 in 4 classes which I can definitely do. I'd be able to keep seeing my old therapist through telehealth, I had to stop seeing her because I was attending school in another state but I reached out to her again recently and she's still taking clients, so that's another plus. I have a friend I met online (but have also met in real life) who lives close to the town and goes there a lot, so I already know someone in the area. The only real drawback I can think of is it's in the middle of fucking nowhere.

The other option is get an associate's in Human Services at a community college. It's in the same area of Maine that I loved and it's supposed to be a good school. The only thing is, I'm pretty far along with my bachelor's degree so it may not be the wisest choice. I think I'd be happier in the town it's in, but I'm not sure if that's worth it.

Whatever, I have options at least. I e-mailed the adviser from the university I could transfer to and he's helping me out with credit evaluation. I'll figure this out.

 

Sorry to hear about this, hon .

I started out at a four-year college when I was 18 and then transferred to a community college because I barely went to class at all during my time at SF State. I did really well at City College of SF and I had an amazing time and was able to take/enjoy a huge variety of classes because it was so cheap and I didn't have the pressure of meeting credit requirements every semester. When it came time to transfer, I knew I wanted to go to a private liberal arts college nearby which was really expensive but everyone told me to wait until I was 24 so I'd be eligible for more financial aid since the gov't would no longer factor in my parents' assets when calculating my financial package. So that's what I did--I waited two years between community college and the private school I graduated from and I'm so glad I waited because I came out with a lot less debt and got to enjoy my early 20's a bit more since I wasn't rushing to get my degree.

I graduated when I was 26 and couldn't be happier about the way my college trajectory went. I wish that more people would seriously consider community college as an option, especially if their comm college is well-regarded (CCSF is considered to be one of the "best" community colleges in the country, given it's caliber of professors and course options).

It may be nice for you to have a "break" at the community college since you don't need to worry about taking a certain number of courses for your financial aid.

Best of luck!

 

Thank you. See, I really like the idea of going to this community college, but my parents don't think it's a good idea - and not because it's a community college, but just because I've already completed over two years of a bachelor's degree. I did really like the school though, it's by the ocean and it's a small campus which is nice, and it gets great reviews. I could go for human services and get an associate's in that. I do care what my parents think to some extent, especially because they're helping me pay. But I know ultimately it's my decision and I should do whatever I think will make me the happiest. Honestly I realized I don't think I'd be happy at the other university unfortunately, because living in the middle of nowhere is not good for me. I've tried it and I'd have to do it another 2 years at least. I have a lot to consider I guess. Anyway thank you for your input and support, I appreciate it.

 

It's been a tumultuous summer. My wife of 3.5 years left me, I'm moving into a new place next week, I've changed churches, and I'm contemplating changing careers. This has not been good for my OCD/Bipolar/depression. After not writing anything for around 2 years, I've finally got around to writing a few blog posts, including this one I wrote yesterday. I've had to deal with a lot of self-loathing and feeling worthless this summer and this post is me trying to work my through that.

I hope it helps anyone struggling with self-worth.

Hate is the Strongest Word

 

Well, it turns out I might be able to afford to go to school without the scholarship. Crisis averted hopefully? I feel kind of silly for freaking out about it before knowing all the facts.

 

i had surgery last month and i'm supposed to have two post op appointments, a 2 week and a 6 week post. When Iw as there for the 2 week appointment they couldn't schedule me for the 6 week one for some reason so I was supposed to call and make an appointment on my own. I know I should, it's the adult thing to do, but I just don't want to. I just don't. It takes an hour to get up to SF, it costs gas money and parking money, I got called Ms Boyle in the waiting room last time because the hospital doesn't train their employees properly in regards to trans people, and the 6 week appointment involves droppin' trou with a physical examination in a region of my body that I pretend does not exist (and will not exist after surgery in 2019). I just feel really pissy about the whole thing and my navel incision has been bleeding the last couple days when it was seemingly fine last week and I don't want to deal with this shittttttt can't things just heal already, fuck

 

Today I have a whole lot of thoughts piling up and I feel pretty bad about myself, like something is just fundamentally wrong with me and I can't be a full person or something. I was thinking last night about how irritable and miserable I am about my daily life and I don't know how to change that. I also don't feel like a socially competent person and I don't know how to interact with people I don't know. I also hate my boss and can't stand work. And I've just been kind of angry and resentful more often lately, which is weird and I don't like it.

I was late to work today, again, as usual really. I discovered I made a mistake on an order from weeks ago, again. I feel like my short attention span and lack of focus is a hardwired flaw and it's making me useless.

All this stuff just adds up to me not feeling like a valid person and wishing I was someone else. I don't feel this low very often but I've just been spiraling with thoughts like this.

 

I’ve been going through my manic phase the past couple days. I love this book I’m reading. I love a band I just discovered. I’m drafting a book I’m writing. I love this, but I’m also terrified because the better this is, the harder I fall and I can only see it creeping

 

You sound exactly like me when I'm manic, which also happens to be right now. I'm also scared it'll turn into something worse. I just try to be self-aware. My therapist and psychiatrist both agree that if I have little hypomanic episodes that aren't actively causing any damage in my life, it might not be anything to worry about, it's just something to keep an eye on. Are you taking any medications? If so, do you think you might need an adjustment? I don't think I'll be getting one but I'm considering it, if the psychiatrist thinks I need one.