(Reasons We're Probably Not) Dating Or In A Relationship Thread NSFW • Page 42

I always struggle with when to bring up the children topic. I'd like them eventually but probably can't have them, so my plan has always been to adopt. I definitely feel like it's something I have to discuss fairly early in a relationship, but I also don't want to scare someone on a first date or anything.

 

Dude, my family makes those same jokes about me. It probably doesn't help that my best friend and I are both single males that hang out pretty regularly, but still. When it comes to family and friends though, you can't take those jokes seriously.

All I know is that when/if I bring someone around again, heads are going to explode. As it is my friends are curious to see what kind of person ends up with someone like me. Pretty funny all in all.

 

I'm fine with bringing girls home to my parents. I mean, since I'm at home for a short while I don't have a choice anyways right now. I try really hard to make sure they're comfortable in my house and everything and that kinda stresses me out sometimes but it's nice to show off someone you like, so it's worth.

 

Has not wanting kids been a deal breaker for anyone?

At 25 I can't even imagine being talked into having kids, yet so many of my friends are already a few years into parenthood.

 

personally, not wanting kids EVER is kinda a deal breaker for me. But I'm 26 I can't imagine having kids now, maybe in the future.

 

It kinda has to be a deal breaker for me since I have them haha

 

I hate not knowing what I want. I don't really connect with people deeply. I don't really crush on ppl irl that much. I'm always paranoid of finally really caring about someone and them being amazing but us not wanting the same things. I wish I knew so I could just have dealbreakers right from the start. I don't have a huge desire to have kids or get married rn but I'm not completely closed off to the idea either. I guess it's a dealbreaker if someone is super enthusiastic about those things cause I don't wanna take that from them or feel pressured.

 

I don't think I've ever had an IRL crush but I've had a lot of celebrity crushes, it's weird how that works

 

I had a crush on my neighbor in college last year and I never talked to her, then a year goes by and she ended up becoming good friends with one of my friends (who I also used to kinda like but she wanted to be friends) and I think they had a thing together. Crushes are lame.

 

since i'm tall, 6'3, I get a lot of tall people more interested than shorter people. The problem is I'm not huge on other tall people. I already feel like a giant--adding another tall person to the mix would feel like twin towers.

 

i had a taller guy tell me he doesn't like dating short girls. Don't remember the reason as it was like 6 years ago. Made me think that was a bs reason for him not wanting to date me despite the fact that he said to me "you don't know how much I want you to be my gf". Relationship wouldn't have lasted long anyway because he was super clingy and would do some shady stuff. The guys I hung out with at the time didn't like him. I didn't listen because he was the first guy to actually show interest in me.

 

I think it's funny how much height seems to be a factor for people. I'm 5'5, and couldn't care less either way. But most friends I have prefer the traditional "guy being taller / girl being shorter" type of relationship.

 

As a 6'4 male there are some logistical issues that come with dating significantly shorter people. My ex (and the next three women I was involved with) were all about 5'2-3 and I probably gave myself neck problems bending down to them. I don't really have a height preference on who I'm involved with, but I understand why someone would. Plus, society tends to value taller people more in general, so it's probably a consequence of that as well.

 

Why didn't I do the friends with benefits thing sooner?

 

Also, I think it's interesting you guys think kids and whatnot can be a deal breaker no matter when it comes up. I've been talking about it with my friends (and girlfriend) and our consensus was that it didn't make any sense to go into a relationship at the start expecting it to be permanent or even super long lasting. You don't know that person well enough to make that kind of call and especially in your early 20s, who knows what could change down the line. That's how we viewed it, at least.

 

yea I always felt weird at sleepovers and stuff when ppl would talk about their crushes cause I didn't really have any. I feel like I need to know someone's personality but I was always so ridiculously shy that I didn't talk to ppl much to get to know anyone. And I was so oblivious I never knew when anyone liked me anyway lol

 

I've had the opposite experience. My girlfriend knew when she was like 15 she didn't want kids. She only waited so long to get her tubes tied (into her 30's) because she never had good enough insurance to make it feasible. But the moment she did get that, she acted on it. My mom ran her own in-home daycare so I was around kids of all ages when I was about 6-18, and I learned that I didn't want kids. Even the good ones I didn't particularly enjoy being around. I think not wanting kids is a very real thing that even people in their 20's can be firm on. That said, I agree that going into things not knowing if it's going to be long lasting or a few dates is how everyone should approach dating, thus I wouldn't entirely bring it up.

 

The person I'm with right now is in so many ways ideal for me except her willingness to stay in Florida forever. At this rate I may be better off just moving in January with my three friends then risk getting basically stranded here and unable to move. I don't know. Been stressing about it lately even though it's months and months ago. It's good and it also sucks haha.

 

My ex and I were in the same situation, except she was the one that wanted to move. We pretended like it wasn't going to happen, but when she finished school two years later, she moved and that was the end of that. It's tough, but you gotta make the best of what you have now.

 

I tried that once but I fell for the girl.

My advice is don't do that.

 

I used to say that FWBs is bad because someone is bound to get hurt, which is true, but if you think about it that's not too different from dating anyways. It is fun though. Enjoy it while it lasts.

 

Sorry to hear that.
Yeah, I know haha. I may stick it out another lease if she thinks she could be ready but at this point I'm leaning towards getting out of the south for good come January. Thanks btw haha.

 

It seems pretty unusual to have that situation without someone getting hurt in the end. I've never managed to do it without someone getting attached at some point. They tend to be quite exciting situations to be in though, even if they nearly always hurt in the end.

That being said, I might be about to ruin myself over something similar right now and it's not seeming so fun currently!

 

The TiVo Guy episode of Curb Your Enthusiam is really hitting me hard right now

 

Haha, heard that. How long had you known her previously?