Mental Health Thread • Page 216

I am under so much pressure. But I’ll sit and just stare and zone out for minutes at a time. I’ll go through everything I’m anxious about and think about it over and over. If I find myself enjoying the book I’m reading, I’ll think I’m forgetting something or am doing something wrong and think of something to be anxious about, then I’ll dread over it. I know the way my brain is is unhealthy and I’m making myself physically ill too, but if I were any other way, I’d feel wrong.

 

I haven't done it but I've been on the other side and while I know it wasn't the intent, it came off really patronizing and like they felt I couldn't think for myself. Kinda like who are you to say what I need or what makes me happy in the long run? I know what makes me happy and what I want and you don't get to make that call for me. But I wouldn't beat yourself up. It's how you learn and grow, and I'm sure things will get better for your ex.

 

I've been told that before, but I'm not sure if they were being sincere or just trying to protect my feelings

 

I feel like I'm dying right now.

 

Applied for several hospital positions. I need to get out of my job asap (I know I keep saying that). I wish it wasnt so hard to find a job where I live that pays decent. I won't stand to stay at a company that can't keep staff nor wants to find staff to cover, so your basically not allowed to have time off. (they will tell you a week is "too long" to take off)

 

My anxiety is through the roof again and I'm finding myself on some kind of breaking point. And I was supposed to be so happy! I received such amazing news the other day, and then all hell broke loose and I'm trying to just hold myself together

 

I know that I have a ton of support around me but I feel myself slipping back into the habit of bottling up. Definitely feeling like a burden lately

 

my cat is okay!! she has a UTI and they gave her antibiotics and pain meds. she's been pretty looped out the past few days and hasn't been as snuggly, but i'm sure she'll be better soon. i'm so, so relieved. look at her lil face:

 

im not okay

 

I'm not doing so hot. Actually might be homeless in the next couple days. I'm trying to be positive. I'm trying to tell myself I'm strong enough to get through this and get by. I'm doing so by believing in everyone else, including myself. Whatever you're all feeling today, you can get through it. It won't be easy, but I believe you can endure the pain and the struggle. There's always another day, another week, another month, allowing the time for those terrible thoughts and feelings to fade--to shed the negative shit and continue growing. No matter how alone three world feels, we share it together and the world needs as many passionate and loving people as possible. Do it for you and for us. Our lives stand in defiance of evil and negativity; we're better than the world we inherited.

Just wanted to share these thoughts with y'all.

 

Love you both

Enough to not make a My Chemical Romance reference Jake

 

I hate knowing things will get better in the future but I don't know what to do in the meantime. Like cool in 6 months it'll be fine but like what do I do until then

 

Do anything you can as long as you're still alive. Make some toast. Walk across the street. The very bare minimum is something, even if its just breathing, you win.

 

Yeah I mean I am doing all the right things. I'm going to the gym and practicing my guitar and seeing my friends and family but nothing is rly helping. I used to go to the gym and feel better by running it out or something but I am feeling so blah and nothing is penetrating thru that feeling. I know the situation that's upsetting me will probably adjust in a few months so I hear a lot of "it will get better" but that doesn't help in the interim

 

I feel ya. Those blah moments really suck. Just try to remember you're still progressing even when it feels like you're not. You got this ❤

 

I'm not sure what to tell people when asked "should I be worried about you?" Like, idk. I mean, literally. I have no clue. If I say no, am I lying and hurting myself? If I say yes, am I taking advantage of them? In the grand scheme of things, there's a lot more important things to worry about. Will I be fine? I think so. Will it be hard as fuck? Most certainly. I'm so conflicted and don't know what to do. Its hard for me yo accept people's love/concern for me. I understand it, but feel like I don't deserve it; there are more deserving people who need it

 

today is such a profoundly bad day for me. i'm so utterly trapped in negative thought spirals about myself and my self worth and feeling so alone and wishing i had friends and productive outlets

and i have to go to work and i'd much rather just lay around and mope

and my studying for the last two weeks has been very bad (in terms of spending the necessary time) and i just want to pause time and take a breather for like 10 years please

 

You deserve it. Trust me, you do

 

Does it get better?
It does. I promise you.
When? I don't know. Things have a funny way of working out. Sometimes they are good and don't know it.
-
I may not get to reply to all of you, but I'm here. This isn't me telling you to stop.
In fact it's the opposite. Keep it going. Voice your life here with me and your friends.
I think I keep going because of the uncertainty of what's around the corner in life.
I don't have all of the answers but I do have expectations and a desire to feel better and know those around me (you) are as well. I used to think I was wrong for the way my brain worked. I would punish myself to no end. I realized I wasn't helping myself and had to unwind this behavior. I now know it's alright to be the way I am. It's the way it is for me and I have to keep myself afloat.

 

Can I just be someone else yeah ok thanks

 

Are you ok?

 

Yeah I got frustrated with myself. Probably shouldn't have made that post either but it's ok

 

Applied to about 5 or so places within the last two days so far. I hope to hear back. Haven't heard back from the other place despite the fact that I reapplied, and there was more than one opening. One of the positions I just applied to looked like it had 3 openings, so I'm crossing my fingers to hear back. If I get an interview I'm going to tell them I am going on a mini vacay and I will need certain days off in a few months hoping they'll be ok with it. I have a feeling that I'm not going to be allowed my requested time off that I put in a month ago to give them a few months to figure out staffing, therefore I'll just quit. I heard there was talk from the manager how I haven't been there long and I'm requesting "a lot" of time off... actually at that point I would have been with the company for almost a year (and I only asked for a week and half), just haven't been at my current locations that long. It's honestly really sad that my location doesn't allow the care staff time off. The impression is "too bad, but we're too lazy to figure out staffing so you have to work. no time off allowed. ever. you don't get to have a life outside of work." I was informed about them not allowing people time off when I first came to the location and my thoughts we're thats bs because I had the vacation planned before I transferred, it just took a while for my bf to find out the dates were going. If the other location didn't close, that manager was pretty good about giving people time off. I'm really bitter rn and tired of everything and how everything is a mess at work and nothing is done about it no matter how many times you can complain.

 

Thanks so much everyone. I missed all of you as well, and it's oddly satisfying to feel welcomed again. It means a lot.

I think I might have seen that post @lightning. Pol was one of the only threads I still regularly checked out, which wasn't probably the wisest thing to read when everything seems bleak, outside of the memes of course.

A while back, there was a discussion about some users feeling like they're more on the lonely side or that they don't have many friends and don't go outside much, and it helped me realize that I'm not the only one having issues and that it's okay.

Again, thanks so much.

 

Being manic + having social anxiety is just me incessantly texting everyone I know and then constantly worrying I'm being too annoying when some of them take a day or two to get back to me for whatever reason.

I'm already telling myself I'll never hear from two of my friends again even though every single time I think this, I'm wrong.

But one of these people being friends with my ex who loves trying to turn peoples' friends against them after breakups doesn't help.

Also, I realized last night that I have to quit drinking again because I don't tolerate alcohol as well on this dose of Lithium as I did on the lower one. Also I just know mixing Lithium and alcohol is bad in general, I just decided I didn't care a few weeks ago because I was having a hard time. Anyway, I'm seeing two friends tonight who I haven't seen in years, and they're bringing their friends I don't know, so I'll be extremely anxious and unfortunately sober the whole time.

On top of that, it is so hard for me to sleep through the night, even with Melatonin, even when I take all my pills early and go to bed immediately after. I wake up almost every hour and today I gave up around 4:30am, although I'll probably try again later. I think it's mostly the mania which should pass soon but it's so frustrating.