(Reasons We're Probably Not) Dating Or In A Relationship Thread NSFW • Page 26

I would be so mad if someone went through my phone. After being in a relationship where I was completely controlled and had nothing to myself, I'm fiercely protective of what I have now. If anyone ever looked through my phone or laptop I'd be so mad and all I have are pics of my nephew and gifs of one direction. It's the principle. It's a mutual I don't look through your junk so don't look through mine.

 

If you don't trust your partner and your first instinct is to go through their phone and not talk to them, you aren't grow enough to be in a relationship.

 

Yeah I shouldn't have done it. I knew that. Curiosity did me in. She's mad at me, but not so much because I looked at it, but because I panicked and tried to lie about it. So yeah, I fucked up.

 

You could say you "old fuck"ed up

 

This is a gross comment. Way to twist it and put it on her tho

 

If you have to log out of facebook, lock your phone from your SO so they don't read your texts/pics, and make sure gmail is always logged off, then i'd say that's a contemporary relationship that I wouldn't want any part of. Sure I don't want strangers going through my stuff, and I also wouldn't want my SO snooping, but if we were working out properly they wouldn't be snooping. As I said before, talk to her. Hope this isn't gross.

 

The gross part was turning it around on her and assuming she had something to hide when the op was in the wrong for invading her privacy and then lying when caught. Nothing in that comment indicated that the woman did anything wrong so it was weird to reach for a way to criticize her. Talking to her is best. Glad u realized it's messed up @Old Fuck

 

My girlfriend and I both had a spell where we each snooped on each other once, but we both ended up telling the other person immediately out of guilt. It's just a shitty thing to do. We both acknowledged our massive insecurities at the time about our relationship and ourselves and we've been golden ever since.

 

Snap. Going back a while now, but one time my ex stayed over at mine, and I had to go to the doctors fairly early in the morning. So I go to the doctors, and leave her alone in my room. When I get back she's still in bed, as I'd probably have expected. All good, fine, whatever. But that same evening, after she'd gone home, I had an e-mail from Facebook about some account I'd set up. Turned out my ex had found a note of paper in one of my drawers that I'd put my student e-mail password on. She'd found that, written it down, and then proceeded to use my student e-mail account to set up a Facebook account so that she could get into my university network on Facebook (I don't know what FB does now, but being able to get on a university network on Facebook meant you could access a lot of peoples photos in that network) and stalk me via my uni friends pages (at this time I didn't have my own FB page).

She also forced me to go through my phone with her once, and then proceeded to get super angry because I'd exchanged a few (very short) messages with friends. At this point she'd entirely isolated me from my friends, so her seeing those messages royally pissed her off. In that case what I 'had to hide' was only because this girl clearly had mental health problems. I often hear similar things about other controlling relationships. It's a fairly 'new' thing, but I think your phone & social media are often quite personal things, and potentially give people more of their own identity than people in relationships had before. A kind of empowerment, I guess. In every story I hear about any controlling relationship, there is ALWAYS mention of the person going through the victims phone/e-mails etc.

All that said, I'm not comparing any of that to what that guy posted, rather just highlighting the potential significance of that kind of thing.

 

Maybe I should explain my 'curiosity'. About a week ago, I had a notification that our phone plan was approaching our limits, so I went online to check. While looking at our usage, I saw that she had been texting and sending pictures to an ex from years ago, almost nonstop when I wasn't around. She had never mentioned anything about reconnecting with this guy, but I can't see the content of those messages, just the times sent/received. So when I saw her phone, I was curious, what's she suddenly talking to this guy about? Well it turns out that her conversations with him are deleted off her phone, even though no other conversations are. So maybe I'm overreacting, but that seemed suspicious to me.

 

I mean, the main thing is, you should talk to her about it. I don't think there's any way around that. Otherwise you're going to have lingering suspicions anyway which will no doubt harm your relationship.

P.s. who still sends MMS pictures

 

So I'm on Tinder. I'll give it a few days, maybe.

 

you've already said that you understand it, but the first course of action has to be to talk to her about it. You have a perfectly logical reason for how you found out about all of this. Just ask her.

 

Wow I'm really sorry you went through that. Ppl like that def like phones/social media cause God forbid their bf/gf have contact with the outside world. They're not happy until they have complete control. Ppl should def have a right to their privacy and if someone has insecurities or suspicions, ppl just need to talk about it because invading their stuff will just create resentment and that's never healthy

 

unfortunely my uncle cant be talked about on here

 

I preface this by admitting that there is no answer to my behavior and thinking processes. Maybe I'm just putting this out there so someone may read it someday and think, "wow, and I thought I was fucking strange!" and make them feel better about themselves / their day.

I have major, major, oddball trust issues.

It started years ago (middle school!) where I didn't feel trust or confident in any relationships with significant others. If I was friends with the girl first? Fine. Trusted them just fine, like all other close friends. Once we were "dating" or "together"? Not at all. Any trust would immediately go away. Like, day one of relationship - first hour of relationship - and all trust and openness would vacate my brain and ability. Suddenly I was extremely suspicious. Almost like, "why would they want to be with me? That seems... unusual..." and then I would either end things right away or become so obnoxious / mean / middle school-like to have them end things. Then I'd feel better and "safe" again. We wouldn't be friends after the break up (I've never been and never will be friends with an ex) but that was more than okay.

Things continued this way until about two years ago. Now every single relationship is like this.

It's how I feel about ANY/EVERY relationship. Even with my parents / cousins / other family. I don't trust anyone.

I should clarify - I don't trust anyone that I know.

Would I maybe pick up a hitchhiker and feel safe? Yeah, probably. When it comes to strangers and a general trustworthiness, I think I'm at about where most people are on that scale. But for people who I know - in any capacity (friend, acquaintance, significant other, family of any level) - there is no ability to open up or trust them. No matter how long I've known them, trust doesn't grow. And actually, I usually end most relationships within a year (any type besides family) because it feels like I've known them too long or possibly let them know too much or see too much. But I'm just a regular 28-year-old male. Nothing special or fancy.

I should also note that I have never been cheated on nor have I cheated on anyone. Hell, I barely even know people who have been cheated on or have cheated on someone so I don't know where this idea / "issue" comes from. What collection of memories, experiences, entertainment, brain chemicals came together to make me think this way? It's very bizarre and not improving any time soon.

 

Since high school, I've had a FWB that went to the same college as me and whenever we were both single we would hookup and this has gone on for 11 years here and there. He's moving to where I live now and is newly single. We've never tried to date or even brought it up. We are still really good friends but am I too old for FWB? I feel like it's only a matter of time before I hear from him about hooking up and not just a friendly chat. At 29, should I only enter into relationships that I see being long term or what?

 

I don't think any age is too old for casual if that's what you want to do. Unless you are seriously looking to style down and think that would get in the way, which obv is up to you. And if you want to seek a relationship with him, I guess the thing to do is put it out there

 

Yeah, don't pursue something just because you feel like it's what you're "supposed" to do. But if you do have feelings for him then go for it, might as well.

 

At 25 I feel like I'm too old for the fwb sort of thing. Everyone is different I guess. It seems like thats all what guys want at this age and it sucks because it makes it hard to find someone with the little amount of guys that are in my area

 

I don't know what I want. I feel like it's been this long if we were meant to date it would have already happened. I don't know why all of a sudden I'm stressing about this. It's stupid.

 

That's entirely up to you. I don't think anyone can tell you what you should do, or what's right. Plus nobody knows what you want. Do you want a serious relationship? Do you want exclusivity/monogamy? Do you want someone to come home to? Or do you want to be free as a bird? I don't think anyone can really decide this other than you.

 

Felt like my Tinder profile was incredibly inadequate and now it's gone.

I don't take selfies so I only have 2-3 pictures to choose from - one has sunglasses and the other is distant. I don't know what to put in a bio besides my interests, which seems boring.

 

You can't hurry love, my ideas are all from romantic comedies but things can maybe evolve if you want

 

Distant photos and sunglasses are photos that turned me away from dating app guys..