Mental Health Thread • Page 213

I've been physically sick with anxiety all weekend
Cool, cool

 

I broke my finger and it’s got be really bummed cuz playing guitar is my one healthy outlet, guess I’ll just go back to eating my feelings again

 

I consistently get in my own way with just about anything I want to do. I don’t know if it’s some sort of subconscious preventative mechanism or what but I need to stop and just take chances.

 

I’m in almost the same position right now. Feel free to DM me if you ever need to talk or vent. Same goes for anyone here.

 

Conquered some anxiety and went to the local jamming thing the town does once a month where anyone can come with any instrument for free and u just all play stuff together. Everyone was way better than me but they were super nice and eager to help me and give tips. Can't decide if I'll go again but I guess it's cool I went at all.

 

That’s so cool! Even if you don’t go back it’s wicked cool that you went this time. What do you play?

 

I've been taking guitar classes for about 6 months. I was def the least experienced there but people were v nice and helpful. I am very shy and anxious and everyone was more experienced and seemed to have a groove they were all in so I still felt a lil out of place but I guess that's something that comes with going more often. People were even like offering to let me try their instruments so everyone was nice. I should prob go again but even tho I did it and was fine it was still kinda overwhelming. If I'm in town for the next one I'll try to get myself to go lol

 

Really tired of feeling anxious over my choices. Not sure anything I chose would make me happy anyway. Tired of this feeling and tired of...well just fucking tired.

 

I keep having dreams where I die. It’s always in a plane crash or a mass shooting. Last night it was a shooting in an airport terminal. I just want to sleep but I’m afraid of having these dreams.

 

Have you ever looked into medication to help it? Maybe even a simple sleeping medication? I don't like to dream what so ever. I hate right before falling asleep thinking i'm about to have some weird dream and there is nothing I can do about that. Idk if that sound's weird but it is very legitimate for me. I know people who say they never remember their dreams and I am so envious of them.

 

I’ve taken Benadryl recently for my allergies which I think is contributing to the weird dreams especially when combined with recent job stress. Melatonin usually helps but I don’t want to become dependent upon something to sleep. Hoping finding a new job will help out a bit but I completely understand where you’re coming from.

 

Melatonin gives me even weirder dreams! Haha. I don't mean to minimize your problem. Mine aren't nightamares, that must be no fun to deal with.

 

Oh no I didn’t think you were doing that at all! Looking into medication or talking to professional about it is really good advice.

 

Thanks to E3, today was the first day in forever where I didn’t look at political news and got upset.

 

I used an app where u log ur mood 3x a day and it asks u questions about your mental state i guess, and after like 2 weeks it gives you a result based on the data. Mine said I'm going thru a severe depressive episode. Which like it's an app not a therapist but it's still throwing me off cause my therapist kinda makes it seem like I don't have a big issue and my thoughts are very normal but I also find her a bit dismissive and me also kinda downplaying because I don't like to answer questions "wrong" and if I see someone's facial expression change I feel like I've answered wrong or something. Idk my life.

 

So tired of being in pain everyday and being unable to do much. Just crying and hating my life.

I don't go anywhere, I don't see anyone. It sucks.

 

How are you doing on Effexor now? My experience on it sounds a bit similar to yours. I had mood swings and constantly felt on edge. Hope that it’s working better now!

 

My girlfriend’s been on vacation in Europe for the past almost 3 weeks, and she’s finally coming home tomorrow. While my mental health definitely could’ve been worse while she was away, I still feel like I’m dependent on her company to keep my depression at bay. I’ve been trying to go to meetup groups and schedule things with the couple friends I have who are still local, and even though it helps a bit, I miss having a true social network like I did in high school and the beginning of college. I didn’t used to feel so dependent on my girlfriends company to feel happy, and I know it’s not healthy for our relationship. But I guess I feel like I don’t really know how to make new friends, despite my attempts to put myself out there.

On a different note, I’m struggling with figuring out my next steps career-wise. Throughout college, I envisioned myself pursuing a career in wildlife biology but now that I’m out of college and have had some experience in the field, I’m questioning my skill and dedication, as well as the feasibility for career advancement. I still don’t feel like I’m in the right frame of mind to pursue a graduate degree in wildlife biology, not to mention the financial strain. This is just such a competitive field, I feel like I might not be able to make it, especially while battling depression.

So then I started considering becoming a math teacher, since I’ve always been naturally skilled at math and have enjoyed the tutoring I’ve done in the past. But that presents its own set of challenges because my math is rusty so I’d need to really brush up, and it still requires a year of school to get a credential. So I’m left feeling immobilized and afraid to take action, because what if I make the wrong decision?

 

I'm wondering if a lot of the issues I have been thinking are from depression are something else like medical. I'm so tired all the time I'm miserable. My therapist thought I was oversleeping since I was unemployed which I never totally bought cause I wasn't rly sleeping in or staying up late, but now that I'm working and on a set schedule it's not getting any better. I'm so tired I can't focus and then it triggers a migraine and it's like a cycle of misery. I'm trying so hard to watch triggers but i feel like it doesn't matter what I do. I'm in bed around 9, I am exercising, trying my best to eat well, etc. Hoping to get bloodwork done tomorrow cause I cannot deal

 

I will stop posting in here today eventually lol but i hate how personally I take things. My sister's and me all live in one town and we have to visit my mom 2 hours away this weekend and are figuring out carpooling cause we may have to take 2 cars. And the first thing my lil sister says is she wants to ride in whichever car my other sister is in. I just feel like I'm never anyone's person. Like I'm never the preferred option. I'm too uptight and responsible and boring. Logically it's probably so she can choose the music cause I always control it in my car, but there's that part of me that always feels unliked for not being as fun and spontaneous.

 

@Kiana yeah that doesn't sound right, the migraines and always being tired. like exercise is supposed to help with that stuff.

also please post as often or as little as you'd like (that goes for all of you! this thread is whatever you want or need it to be )

 

in other news, i feel kinda cruddy today and i'm not 100% sure why. i think probably job stuff. bleh

 

thanks! I Just know I'm being extra whiny and taking things extra personally today with the feeling sucky migraine thing since it makes me touchier and more emotional lol

 

Not to completely bypass the point of your post, but what is the app called? I’d be curious to try that out.

 

Moodpath. It checks in 3x a day for like 11 days and then gives u some results. The results weren't super groundbreaking but it's nice to track moods and see if there's a pattern based on time of day and what u did in that day. Like a lil diary.