Mental Health Thread • Page 211

Thanks! I hope it turns out well too. Only the future will tell. I’ve had such poor luck with dating rotten apples I’m glad I found a good one lol

 

emailed my therapist. told her I'm canceling on her and using that money to pay out of pocket for my consult. i feel better now having slept on it. i paid out of pocket for my top surgery consult, so this isn't any different. except for being unemployed, heh.

 

i have this feeling a lot too. particularly living in silicon valley where everyone is a genius and sold their startup to google or some shit

 

they're all fucking tools who want to eat homeless people though, you have a soul, it would be nice if society rewarded having a soul as much as it does being a power hungry douche but oh well

 

Following along with those YouTube meditation body scan videos a couple times a week has worked wonders on my sanity in my therapist-free interim. Would highly recommend if you’ve found your mind running away with things

 

okay happiness over and soul crushing anxiety and loneliness is back.

 

I love you all so much

 

I have gained a lil weight and I am having a hard time accepting it. Which is dumb and makes me feel incredibly messed up and shallow and toxic but that's just where I'm at. My clothes still fit I guess but idk for how much longer and even tho they fit I feel like I don't look the same in them. I don't wanna be that person in denial squeezing into clothes that don't fit them anymore but I feel like I am becoming that person or it's just body dysmorphia idk. It's just not the way I'm used to looking and I feel like my brain is also exaggerating a bit so it's a combo idk. And I hate that I even care so much but I do. I used to have a more carefree attitude about nutrition and food and now I have to stop myself from projecting weird stuff aloud, espesh cause I don't wanna offend others or make them feel bad about themselves because I can't get my act together. And I also don't wanna beat myself up and spend my time like that. I beat myself up when I was a size 0 so I'm just never gonna be happy and I need to learn how to deal. But being raised by a rail thin mom with disordered eating who projected weight issues onto me and commented on my weight growing up I feel like I'm just a mess and I thought I undid a lot of that but I'm realizing now that I didnt.

 

Alls I am is a fucking mess.

 

Lol and today my meltdown is completely over and I feel fine if not even a lil confident. I hate this

 

woooo i woke up at 2 and gina hates when i sleep late particularly on days she has to work so, cool! and i didnt sleep well because my night sweats are off the charts right now so, cool! and my depression is hitting hard today making me worry about a job and money and how much this consult is going to cost out of pocket, so cool! and the best part is that the consult is at a very specifically named WOMEN"S health center so i can't wait to walk in there tomorrow morning so coolllllllaesjflaeifjpeifjqp4igj

 

Effexor is super finicky. I’ve been on the 75mg for I guess about a month. I have days where I’m JUST okay, and I’ve had a few days where I feel really terrible and depressed. I think it has to do with the times I’m taking my meds- I’m taking it at diff times on my days off vs when I’m working. Should I just start taking it at night? I think I’m gonna try it, but I’m just as bad about taking my meds at night too lmao

My dr and I briefly discussed that seeing a psychiatrist for them to get me on the right meds might be my best bet. But I’m about to move out (finally, at nearly 27) and idk if I can financially handle it. Just kinda sick of feeling this way- I feel so trapped.

 

left the house at 7, got to the health center by 9. turns out they canceled my appointment entirely, which is NOT what the voicemail said. was going to happen. it would have been $395 out of pocket to keep the appointment. i have to get a new referral but supposedly they'll count later on for insurance purposes. not holding my breath on that one. what a bunch of bs.

 

I honestly can’t do this anymore. No matter what you do it’s never enough. No matter how hard you try all the time it doesn’t matter. One bad thing or one problematic statement and none of it matters. You’re not enough anymore, you’re not a good person anymore. What’s the point.

 

My girlfriend is going through some shit at the moment which I'm completely empathetic towards and feel really bad that I cannot fix it. However, the only insecurity or two I have about the relationship at all are hitting really hard today and I want to talk to her about it because we've done well with that before. I don't want to bring them up tonight or tomorrow because I know she's going to internalize them as she's doing something wrong which will just stress her out/make her feel worse. But holy fuck it's crushing me tonight.

 

Another suicide in the news has me thinking about everyone today. I'm always here on Chorus and various other social media outlets. PLEASE don't ever hesitate to reach out to vent, talk, anything.

 

What do you when you’re not even really suicidal but by all accounts it seems like the most logical/reasonable option

 

if you're me you shitpost

 

keep going until it doesn’t seem like an option

 

Been doing that for a long while tho

 

Then there’s no reason to stop now.

 

Same lol

 

Exactly! What you’re feeling isn’t permanent. Keep going!!

 

and yes shitposting can help too lol