Mental Health Thread • Page 203

on the subject of recognizing progress (no matter how small) I just made the sort of phone call that would usually give me mad anxiety, and I hardly felt anxious at all. go brain go!

 

i feel like i don't belong here now, even though this industry is where i belong

lol fuckin "skinny love" is on pandora here too. these are my people, maaaan

edit: you ever listen to holocene and repeat that line "and at once i knew i was not magnificent" to yourself, even if you know it's not true?

 

I made it my Facebook header photo at one point and my mom called me from work and made me take it down



Thread related: life fuckin sucks and i’m tired of thinking that i’d rather be dead

 

my mom would probably do the same thing lol

 

Moms are the best

 

Just got off the phone with my Dad cuz he wanted to see how I'm doing. I told him how I've been doing, and told him I don't know if the medication is working for me or sending me into a manic episode, because I'm going through these big life transitions as I'm just starting it, and he (my Dad) won't give me a straight answer on whether or not bipolar disorder runs on his side of the family. He just doesn't get it. I tried to explain it to him and just told him to google hypomania, because I couldn't talk to him about it anymore.

In better news, I did an end-of-the-semester emotional evaluation today, and talked about it with my therapist. My school has me do these at the end of every semester, but since this is my fourth time filling it out over the course of 2 years, it was able to reveal if there has been any progress. I'm not sure how they measure the symptoms, but my score for depression has gone down 40 points. So, there's that.

 

i get to go visit my family this weekend before my new job starts. should be nice, i love trips home. i have orientation for my job wednesday before i go home, i met the gm for the first time today doing my paperwork and he's my age and extremely friendly, so i think i'll like this well enough for what it is.

 

Thank you guys for the encouragement. I know that I have a habit of never giving myself credit for anything so I guess I just need to stop being so god damn hard on myself.

 

I’m so fucking terrified of change.

I graduated and need to apply for my training certificate. I keep putting it off. I’m scared and anxious of the future. Hours later, tomorrow, a year from now...I’m terrified of it all.

 

This move and the new job have only amplified how lonely I suddenly feel. I’m just so out of my element that it’s fucking killing me right now and I’m doing my best to come off as normal as I deal with a million fucking new people.

I’m just so fucking exhausted and overwhelmed and scared I’m going to fail after everything I just did.

Kind of rambly, I’m just too exhausted.

 

It's hard for me not to get worked up and anxious when I think about what I could have done differently. I tell myself that it wouldn't have mattered and it wouldn't have changed anything, but a nagging part of me feels like i could have worded something differently or come from a different angle, idk. But honestly it wouldn't have mattered. You can word things differently and reason with those who are willing to have an open mind and listen, but when they aren't willing it just doesn't matter what you say, and that has been hard for me to accept.

 

I really miss my daughter, I feel like I have a hole in my heart. I’m happy with her and sad without her.

 

This is going to sound like a weird humble brag but I wish I didn't have such a strong black and white moral compass. Like in the way that I get SO set on what is right and wrong and I get extremely upset and need for people to know that what they're doing is wrong. Except they'll never see it as wrong and I cannot handle that. It sends me down a spiraling path of awfulness. I just sit and stew on ways to convince them what they're doing is wrong but it's pointless. I just want to let go and move on, but I can't rest easy knowing they're wrong and they think they're right. I get this very sanctimonious and like preschooler mentality of they're wrong and they should face consequences. But in the words of the good sis Kesha, I need to learn to let go. Because the real world kinda sucks and people who are doing bad are not always punished for their actions. This idea of it coming back around eventually, I just don't believe in that. So I need to learn to cope and get over it but idk how.

 

Feel like I should go back to my psychologist but I'm still uninsured til August

 

how do y’all release the anger and frustration in healthy ways?

working out isn’t cutting it anymore

 

Meditation or hiking.

 

I don’t have healthy ways, unfortunately.

 

Think I'm in a depression and I'm afraid it's just gonna be like this for a while. I don't feel very capable of engaging with people though logically it feels like that's what I should be doing

 

My worst anger and frustration happens at night when I am no longer distracted and am forced to be confronted with it so I'm trying to make sure that I confront the feelings as they happen and not shove them down until later. Lately I've been really frustrated about something so when it hits I take deep breaths and remind myself I can't think in "what ifs" and I can't change what happened. I end up doing it like 20x a day lmao but the more I say it the more I start to believe it. I also try to take what I'm angry about and think... ok this happened and this is how I feel. What am I going to do about it now? And try to take the frustration and make a plan of what I will do to fight it, and sometimes I realize it's not even worth fighting for and I don't want xyz to have any control over me. So I guess adjusted thinking. Instead of letting it consume me I am trying to take a deep breath and do something with the feeling. Im an overanalyzer and that seems to be doing ok for now tho it's taking a lot of practice

 

For me it's self talking and trying to figure out why I'm angry and frustrated which doesn't come naturally but apparently bottling stuff up doesn't work

 

I don't get angry often. Just sad and frustrated. My approach is to just distract myself as much as possible, although stuff still hits me anytime I don't have something else to focus on

 

*extrenely Gerard way voice* I'm nooooot oooookayyyy I'm not okayyyyyyy ayyyy

 

i smoke a lot of weed
oh you said healthy

mindfulness. practiced mindfulness. basically IDing my emotions, measured breathing, remembering that feelings aren't facts, that the negative voice i hear is my depression talking, things like that. it's hard and i'd rather just smoke the weed, to be perfectly honest.

 

I fly off the handle and alienate everyone around me until I find myself in such a dark hole I'm forced to apologize to everyone even though I don't want to. I should probably find some healthy ways to cope too huh

 

we are all essentially saying the same thing here for addressing anger and frustration, and we all agree it's a PITA

also, jake, i do the same. i loooove to lash out at the people who care about me, because you know that makes sense lol