Brand New Band • Page 842

I'm blowing this website up and building a monument to all the sad ex brand new fans who still kinda sympathise with jesselacey on the rubble. braver than any US marine

 

What. the. fuck. Anyway....

look, it’s not @leerkat ’s responsibility to educate you. They’ve pointed you to concepts that you need to read up on in order to continue to have a conversation in a productive way with them. Until you do so, it’s not going to go anywhere.

 

I never thought in a million years taking a hardline stance against a child predator would be a controversial opinion. It's wild.

 

I have some education in the concepts, I just don’t agree with the full line of thought and if leerkat actually represented their viewpoint to me instead of saying “I’ve read things though!!!!” Then maybe I could better understand what’s being meant. Also, I can see how that line you quoted may seem problematic on its own, but I don’t think I meant it in a way that would be viewed as too problematic, would you mind telling me what you think I mean there so that I can clarify if I need too?

 

can we do the Ronald McDonald thing? every time there's a post in this thread or the words Br*nd N*w or J*ss* L*c*y are mentioned it auto corrects the whole post to "Ronald McDonald"? I cannot possibly see any downside at this point

 

Thankfully I’ve not ever been sexually assaulted, but as a woman it is incredibly frustrating, depressing, and oftentimes demoralizing to see people trying to excuse or give a pass to deplorable men. These men have hurt people. Jesse Lacey has hurt people, and he’s demonstrated that he does not care. If you believed the “2018” baloney, then it’s obvious he’s faced no real consequence for his actions. People still idolize him and his band and actively support him. They harass his victims and drag them through the mud, all while he sat back and did nothing about it. That’s the person he is.

I’ve seen so many stupid Brand New memes on Facebook lately and it almost frustrates me to the point of tears. Like, how can you still support this band after what he did? How can you not care?

So, while I haven’t been assaulted and can’t relate from that viewpoint, I absolutely can understand the hurt and anger many people feel toward him. In situations like this, I don’t believe there’s a “right” way to react. Maybe it seems excessive to you, but that hurt and anger comes from a very real, often extremely uncomfortable place.

Just my 2c.

 

leerkat doesn't have to explain themselves to you. What leerkat says about their feelings toward a child predator doesn't affect you in any way. I don't understand why this is even happening, it can't be that important to you that someone stops saying mean things online about a child predator. It just can't. There's no way you actually care that much about a child predator. Stop the fedora-tipping nice act and drop it.

 

I really never meant to defend Jesse or his actions, my goal was more to talk about the mentality being taken around this topic, and in my opinion leerkat has conducted themselves in a toxic way that is counterproductive. So, does leerkat have to explain themselves to me? No. Of course not, but when you make comments on a public forum it’s silly to think that you’ll never be asked too.

I feel like things are getting a bit mixed up here, however. Could you clarify what your guys think my position here is?

 

Would also like to say that it takes a lot of emotional labor to explain the ways I have to live and cope with life in relation to systematic oppression and the trauma from the actions that stem from it to people who cannot fully understand it despite good intentions, and that many of their theories of solutions are better on paper but not in practice. Sometimes I’m able to discuss it in a way that is polite, but having this conversation regularly with those who may or may not understand the severity, even if they try, is Tiring and frustrating and discouraging.

 

I honestly don't know what your position here is. And your opinion on how leerkat is conducting themselves is irrelevant, honestly. People are allowed to vent. This band meant more to me than I can explain and the rage I feel toward that piece of shit is vast and endless. I understand where leerkat is coming from. If you don't, or can't, or won't do the same, that isn't anyone's fault but your own. Stop tone-policing.

 

I feel like this website is becoming little more than a toxic, ideological echo chamber. I don’t think I even disagree with most of y’all, but fuck trying to figure any of that shit out right? Dog bless everybody, I’ll bow out for now.

 

....why do you keep asking us this same question??

 

lots of logical fallacies going around, and "what about the children" as a counterpoint to why someone would want a pedophile dead is wildly ironic

 

I kept asking because I got the vibe everybody thought I was defending Jesse or pedos or something, which I wasn’t.

 

Then stop telling people how to feel or how to express their feelings. You’re so close to getting it.

 

I know I wasn't a user when the joke started but man do I wish we could return to this being a papa roach meme thread right now

 

You’re literally telling me how to express my feelings. I expressed my feelings by posting a reply to a message board user. Didn’t think I’d be branded some douchebag monster for it, tbh.

 

I was one of the people early in this discussion who was uncomfortable with the “hope he dies” talk.

I want to apologize if I offended anyone for honing in on the wrong aspect of this issue. My mother in law had an unexpected emergency brain surgery this week, so I’m admitidely a little sensitive at the moment about wishing death upon someone

 

Ok never mind you don’t get it.

 

/thread

 

I'm very sorry you had to go through that. Both my partner and I lost close family members this week (because what the hell were the odds) but even if that wasn't happening, it's pretty understandable that death might be a sensitive subject for a lot of folks in here.

----

And regarding everything else I just read in these past few pages: I considered spending several minutes responding in depth to various "wtf" points, but instead I'll go with this: a brief summary of the conclusion that I've drawn about the concept of forgiveness - how it is something survivors owe to ourselves, not to our abusers. How forgiveness too often is conflated with absolution - and how the truest form of forgiveness FOR YOURSELF is to say to your abuser, "I refuse to carry what you burdened me with anymore. It should've never been mine to carry, and nothing will ever make what you've done okay - but I am leaving it for you to carry." THIS IS INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT TO DO AND MOST SURVIVORS SPEND A LOT OF TIME JUST LEARNING HOW TO STOP BLAMING THEMSELVES AND WISHING HARM ON THEMSELVES.

Because at the end of the day, carrying the burden these people inflict on others on their own shoulders is the absolute least they deserve. Forgiveness doesn't mean I ever have to approach the monster who tortured me with love again in this life - I did enough of that when we were together and my gift to him now is indifference. My penance is knowing that on some level, I will always have to find new ways not to blame myself. And at the end of the day, I will still feel gratitude and freedom the day he dies. It is abhorrent to tell survivors that they should carry the mantle of "making the world a better place" in regards to their abuser when their experiences make the very act of survival a daily battle.

I will not apologize to someone who disagrees with me about my experience. Forgiveness is personal - and I think perhaps Kesha put it best in "Praying". I'm not religious, but when she said "Some things only God can forgive," she absolutely nailed the sentiment I feel about abusers. If there's absolution for them to find, they can find it themselves in another life. THat is THEIR responsibility. THEIR burden. The people they torment don't owe them a damn thing.

It is easy to say you can imagine, or that you understand. It is another thing entirely for either of those sentiments to be true. If you think for one second you have any right to tell me how to express my anger, or to pretend you know what's "healthy" or "right" for any survivor - then I can promise that you do not even begin to understand what we're talking about here.

 

Fuckkkkkkk offf with with “be less angry” shit.

 

Even if I’m completely wrong and don’t know what I’m on about, at least I’m trying. At least I’m not just telling people who “don’t get” my viewpoint to fuck off. Fuck you and your toxic ass website, Tate. You use to be someone to look up too. Now you’re just another ideologically possessed asshole who would rather practice moral preening than change minds. You keep pushing aggression, and wondering why we’re tearing each other apart as a society.

 

bye lol

 

If you’ve read the forums outside of just this thread you would know that you are wrong.