(Reasons we're not having) Sex (and WoW) Thread NSFW • Page 249

Kiana · Apr 15, 2018

ChaseTx said:

It's ok your alma mater can't divorce you

Or its not likely anyway

Tbh they never sent me my diploma even tho i paid for it, and even tho my transcripts say I graduated with a degree sometimes i wonder!!!

Collin Skeen · Apr 16, 2018

my undergrad degree is like the size of a wall poster while my masters is like a piece of paper. I don't even know where they are lol

Dog with a Blog · Apr 16, 2018

The (Reasons we’re not having) Sex (and WoW and College) Thread

Dog with a Blog · Apr 16, 2018

Christian mom just texted me saying she bought a flight to come to Long Beach in August. She says she's unsure of how long she should stay and whether or not she'll be able to crash at her friend's house her not, asking me for my thoughts on the situation. All of me wants to suggest just staying with me, cause I feel like that's almost what's being asked, but I don't want to do that and have her say no and lowkey embarrass myself.

Christian Chronicles pt. 2

colorlesscliche · Apr 16, 2018

I mean, just from what you posted it certainly sounds that way. Can you answer casually? "Well if nothing else works, my place is available?" Instead of straight up "do you want to crash here." Puts it back on her.

Dog with a Blog · Apr 16, 2018

Ehhhhhhhhhhhhh. I suppose I could, but it's whether or not I should

colorlesscliche · Apr 16, 2018

Well, if she does stay, what would your expectations be?

Dog with a Blog · Apr 16, 2018

Well I only have one bed lol. I’d expect or want cuddles at the least

colorlesscliche · Apr 16, 2018

If she stays, just gotta make it clear. No sense in beating around the bush. Eat her a**.

Dog with a Blog · Apr 16, 2018

ComedownMachine said:

Wow so you’d cuddle her but when I crashed at your place you slept on the couch?

Haha I’m in a new spot! Were you to stay at my new place we’d have no choice but to cuddle

Mr. Serotonin · Apr 16, 2018

Dog with a Blog said:

Christian mom just texted me saying she bought a flight to come to Long Beach in August. She says she's unsure of how long she should stay and whether or not she'll be able to crash at her friend's house her not, asking me for my thoughts on the situation. All of me wants to suggest just staying with me, cause I feel like that's almost what's being asked, but I don't want to do that and have her say no and lowkey embarrass myself.

Christian Chronicles pt. 2

I'll pray for you both.

oldjersey · Apr 16, 2018

Dog with a Blog said:

Christian mom just texted me saying she bought a flight to come to Long Beach in August. She says she's unsure of how long she should stay and whether or not she'll be able to crash at her friend's house her not, asking me for my thoughts on the situation. All of me wants to suggest just staying with me, cause I feel like that's almost what's being asked, but I don't want to do that and have her say no and lowkey embarrass myself.

Christian Chronicles pt. 2

I'm sorry I missed the context of this. Who is Christian mom?

Dog with a Blog · Apr 16, 2018

oldjersey said:

I'm sorry I missed the context of this. Who is Christian mom?

gimme a sec

Dog with a Blog · Apr 16, 2018

@oldjersey

''What New The Mysterious Is This?'' - Music Chat Thread

oldjersey · Apr 16, 2018

Dog with a Blog said:

@oldjersey

''What New The Mysterious Is This?'' - Music Chat Thread

Lol gimme a time stamp of when it was, this link brings me to the wrong page prob because of different preferences for viewing the pages

Dog with a Blog · Apr 16, 2018

oldjersey said:

Lol gimme a time stamp of when it was, this link brings me to the wrong page prob because of different preferences for viewing the pages

God dammit Dan. You do everything wrong. And I can’t tell you how to change the setting because you wouldn’t understand. Hold on

CobraKidJon · Apr 16, 2018

That sounds like one of those novels I find in food 4 less

Dog with a Blog · Apr 16, 2018

@oldjersey

Dog with a Blog said:

I remember when I first laid eyes on her in 4th grade. For the sake of anonymity, we’ll call her Q. I would go to my best friend Jeremy’s house to hang out and read Calvin and Hobbes books. Then I met his mom and there was one more reason to come over. My attraction to her was instant and I had that old fashioned romantic feeling where I’d give anything to bone her. Over the years, my attraction for her grew, yet, like many childhood friendships, my connection with Jeremy began to wear thin. We started hanging out less and less and by 10th grade we pretty much stopped all contact. There was no bad blood whatever, just a natural drifting apart. Occasionally we’d run into each other and had mutual friends so he was someone I’d still consider a friend, but we had no need to hang out any longer.

Cut to a couple years ago: I’m a manager at a movie theater and I’m just about done cleaning up an auditorium. I look up and there she was. There was Q in all of her glory. It had been roughly 9 years since I had seen her and she had aged like a fine wine. Definitely in her mid 50’s at this point. I recognize her but, would she recognize or even remember me? I hesitate from saying anything but I don’t have to...

“James??? Is that you??”

“Haha, wow. Q? Wow it’s great to see you.”

I don’t remember all the nonsense that was exchanged on that day but I do remember these two very important statements:

When I asked her how her husband was doing, she said, “I don’t know, we don’t live together anymore. We’ve been separated for awhile.”

And

“Well, you’ve certainly grown into a handsome man.”

Ever since that day I started seeing her at the theater a lot and every time, she’d make a point to find me and we’d chat for awhile. My coworkers would always be like, “uhhhh dude so what’s going on with that?”

This friendship continued for a good while. The same (what I perceived to be) flirtatious behavior every time. I specifically remember one time she came up to me from behind and got my attention my resting her hand on my lower back, a definite erogenous zone.

Eventually, I had to break the news to her that I’d be moving to Long Beach in a few months. Her reaction? “Oh my god! I go to Long Beach every summer for work, when I’m there we should grab dinner and drinks.” To which I replied, “Well, I’m not moving for a bit, why don’t we just get a drink sometime before I leave?” And we exchanged phone numbers.

I was amazed at how easy she was to text. Despite our conflicting religious beliefs, she was so easy to talk to about anything. We’d often drunk text each other. It was nice.

July 4th, 2017

I’m at home, and I decide to shoot her a text and see how she’s doing. She tells me she’s just at home doing nothing pretty much and then proceeds to send me a Zillow link to her new place and starts talking about how much she loves it there. She asked me what my plans were and I didn’t have any and she says, “you should come over for a drink.” My childhood fantasy was playing out before my very eyes. I told her I’d be free around 9. Her reply was, to me, was very important and one of the biggest indicators that I was about to have sex with my best childhood friend’s mom.

“You have my address. I’ll be here.”

FUCK. I freshened up, picked up a bottle of Knob Creek Single Barrel. I make my way to her house and she greets me with a warm hug and I make my way inside.

Remember the expectations vs. reality scene from 500 Days of Summer?

She gives me a tour and asks if I want a drink. Of course I do, so she proceeds to pour me the biggest glass of whiskey I’ve ever had. That’s ok, I need something to calm the nerves. She also made me dessert. She’s sitting on her big L couch and I’m sitting on a chair opposite of her. I’m in a tough position because I have to figure out how to end up on that couch without it seeming awkward or unnatural at all. We talk for at least an hour, probably more, and we hear a loud bang outside.

Fireworks.

It couldn’t get more perfect than that. We go outside and are watching them together under the clear summer sky. They weren’t professional grade but it was still nice and the perfect excuse for me to me to get out of that chair and find my way on the couch.

We go back inside and pour ourselves another drink. We’re both a little toasty at this point. She makes us some food and we find ourselves on the couch. I’m sitting on the short end of the L couch and she’s sitting on the long end of the L. Easily another hour goes by and over the course of that hour we have inched closer and closer. She’s opening up to me about her separation and how unhappy she was in her marriage. She had found a new sense of freedom being single and absolutely loved it. I felt we were really connecting. At this point we had moved even closer to each other, on the verge of cuddling, my hand nervously brushing up against hers.

There’s a break in the conversation, and I look at her. Our eyes lock.

This is it. The moment I’ve been waiting for for nearly half my life. I can hear 4th grade me cheering in the sidelines.

I close my eyes, gently raise my hand with which I would cup her cheek, and I go in for the kiss. But my lips were not met with hers.

Instead, she reels back and says, “.....no. I am flattered, but no.”

I’m shook....how did this happen??? I thought all the signs were there. I mean...inviting me...a 25 year old dude..over....”for a drink”...”you have my address....I’ll be here.” ....the touchy behavior...where did I go wrong?

“I’m sorry. I’m a little drunk.”

I wasn’t. But I looked like a fool and didnt know what to say. Figured that would lessen the embarrassment. It didn’t.

It was at this point that I had two options. 1. Explain that I read the situation wrong and leave the fuck out of there or 2. Stay and try to recover from the situation so it wouldn’t be awkward when I’d eventually see her again.

I went with 2, which ended up being a huge mistake. I enjoyed her company, but that experience somewhat rattled me and I couldn’t focus on there. I became filled with anxiety and could think of nothing else but of how much I wanted to leave. It’s now 1 in the morning. Then 1:30. I’m getting sleepy and tell her I have to leave. Before I go she says she wants to show me a YouTube video. Ehhh, what’s the harm in that, why not?

I’m laying with my legs out on the long side of the L couch and she comes and pretty much LAYS NEXT TO ME and rests the laptop so we are sharing it on our legs and proceeds to pull up a 15-20 MINUTE FUCKING SEMINAR ABOUT GOD DAMN MILLENIALS AND TECHNOLOGY AND HOW WE ARE OBSESSED WITH USING OUR CELL PHONES. The irony of course being that the entire time this video was playing I had my phone at my side and was on Chorus lol.

Finally, after what seemed like two decades, the video ends, I give her a hug goodbye, and I leave.

The next day I apologize for reading everything wrong and she said, “James, I think you are very attractive and if I was younger, I would totally be into you but,” and this is the ultimate killer, “when it comes down to it, I have to do what’s right in the eyes of the Lord.”

I don’t even know what that means.

Thanks, god.

There is no god.

We pretty much stopped contact after that. However, I texted her recently and we were both drunk lol. She moved to Chicago. She said I should fly out there and visit her sometime. Not gonna happen.

For the record, I wasn’t like mad that she didn’t wanna have sex. But I was genuinly confused as, based on my previous experience with relationships and sex, she was giving me all the signs that she was into me. Cest la vie.

CobraKidJon · Apr 16, 2018

it ether sounds a food 4 less novel or the next la la land movie

bigmike · Apr 16, 2018

Dog with a Blog said:

@oldjersey

"how do I expand the section that you quoted, i can't see all of the post" -- @oldjersey

oldjersey · Apr 16, 2018

Dog with a Blog said:

@oldjersey

how do I expand the section that you quoted, I can't seem to see all of the post?

oldjersey · Apr 16, 2018

@Dog with a Blog that is easily the most god damn intriguing thing I have ever read on this website.

Holy fuck.

oldjersey · Apr 16, 2018

You need to feel her out and be straight forward, not in an aggressive way but show your hand, let her know you are interested in more than just chatting, see what she says!

ChaseTx · Apr 16, 2018

Dog with a Blog said:

Christian mom just texted me saying she bought a flight to come to Long Beach in August. She says she's unsure of how long she should stay and whether or not she'll be able to crash at her friend's house her not, asking me for my thoughts on the situation. All of me wants to suggest just staying with me, cause I feel like that's almost what's being asked, but I don't want to do that and have her say no and lowkey embarrass myself.

Christian Chronicles pt. 2

I was recently strongly criticized for not being forward enough in obliging a situation like this

Dog with a Blog · Apr 16, 2018

hahaha @Kennedy , he just read the Christian mom story ^^^

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