Mental Health Thread • Page 178

Just did my 2nd interview for this position and kind of feel underwhelmed. I prepped for all types of questions and then it was just this quick sort of call that felt more like a normal first interview, while I guess the first interview last week was more probing. It went quick and don't know how to read into that. I am the first candidate to make it this far and none of the 2 people I spoke with have ever interviewed/hired people before. The first person's views would definitely matter most given he'd be my boss and he liked me, but still, went against my expectations and now I have to prepare for a day of work.

 

huge changes incoming in my life. almost feels like regression but it's better in the long run. really painful to go through this but I hope to come out the other side stronger and better equipped for life than I have been. it's gonna be a really hard few weeks while I get everything figured out

 

I got an email that my job application met the minimum requirement that the online system checks so now a real human is gonna look it over. I assumed the email would be thanking me for applying but they were gonna reject me cause that's how the wording appeared at first. Now I have a glimmer of hope and I keep trying to squash it lol. Im the worst at scoring interviews. Once I get an interview I usually do well, but actually getting one is a huge challenge for me.

On the plus side today was a good day. It reminded me of how my job used to be. It's sad that that used to be almost my everyday and now it's so rare.

 

I feel like I really really fucked up and it feels too embarrassing and stupid to even post anonymously on the internet but I'm guessing other people have done dumbass shit after breakups so maybe I shouldn't be too hard on myself although I really hope I didn't end up unintentionally hurting anyone.

Sorry for the run-on sentence. This is mental health related because it's fueling my already severe social paranoia and even my OCD to an extent, in that I keep ruminating over it and having intrusive thoughts over what a fucking stupid person I am.

 

Biggest panic attack of my life last night when I was driving home. Called my mom telling her I was going to die, felt like I was losing my mind, myself, control, my personality. Was hysterically saying that I needed to be knocked out for it to stop. Biggest one I've had since I got my first real panic attack when I was 20. Going to the doctor today, I haven't had meds but I think it may be time. The last massive attack like this was a long time ago, though i've gotten smaller ones and been okay a few hours later. I see a therapist weekly and we work on breathing and meditation, lots of eastern influence, but I'm 27 now, I want to marry my gf, I want a family in a few years, I think need something else helping me along. Today I keep floating between feeling back to normal, but also on the cusp of just losing it again.

Yesterday was my birthday too.

 

Reported a co-worker for harassing another female co worker and the company pretty much sided with the harasser by saying everyone was to blame.

Has anyone had this happen? My anxiety is off the charts.

 

This man that I used to consider a friend has been harassing me over the last few months, desperate for my attention and acting like I owe him anything. He's got a girlfriend but he started sending me dirty texts and pictures. He'd call me and we'd talk normally but then he'd start talking dirty and try to get me to come over to his place. Eventually, after my ignoring that side of him, he exploded at me and told me how much he hated me. He said a lot of really rude things to me. He basically said all I was ever worth in the first place are my looks and that's all he ever cared about. I'm so sick of men feeling entitled to me, especially shitty men in relationships. I'm a human being with feelings. I have been through a lot in my life, I'm sick of having to deal with stuff like this. It's heavy and I want to give up.

Even on here, some guy said one of my posts was the dumbest fucking post on this website... I always came here as an escape to have my opinion berated by some man that doesn't even know me, and to call what I said the dumbest post on this website, it just strikes a nerve. I'm already a fragile person. I'm dealing with very strong clinical depression and my medication doesn't seem to have reached doses that are helpful. To have someone say something so nasty, so mean completely unsolicited, meanwhile other people have posted much worse things on here... it just makes me feel like trash.

I've seen people on here defend abusers, sexists, and racists... to have my post called the dumbest just feels so ignorant and hateful for no reason. I'm so close to just giving up on life. I feel like I have nowhere to turn and I don't have the strength to don't ealing with this things. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep, depression feeling heavy on my chest, and I just want to fade out of existence

 

I'm sorry you experienced that on this site. I know everyone in this particular thread is very supportive and kind to each other. Not to speak for anyone, but I'm sure you can always come in here for support. I don't post much in this thread, but the encouragement everyone shows each other helps me through my own tough times.

 

being in school makes me feel like such shit
I’m trying to study for a midterm I have tomorrow but all I can think about is how I used to do so well in school and how much shittier I am now. Even thinking about the papers I have to write makes me feel sick with anxiety. Last year it was when I had my first assignment due that I had a breakdown and ended up dropping my classes and I’m really worried it’s going to happen again.
I just feel totally incapable and it fucking sucks.

 

lol and now I’m crying in the library

 

I know how you feel

 

If I was in Canada I'd hug you so internet hug I guess

 

Stressed to the fucking max right now.

 

I'm kind of having a meltdown. I went to the doctor yesterday and my blood pressure was high. Like I looked up a chart and it is not even just high it's elevated. I think I need to make lifestyle changes but I'm betting a bulk is stress. I also hit a number on the scale I'm not okay with so my stress has skyrocketed. And I'm just so unhappy. I feel like my life is falling apart or breaking down and idk how it got this way. I think it was just 6 months ago I was posting about how happy I was and how my life was in a peak place. How can it fall so fast?

 

I'm up at 4 am now thinking about a conversation I had yesterday and can't sleep because I feel like I don't know what it meant or what the takeaway is and I need some clarity. I don't know if I'm just reading too much into what was said or taking one thing and blowing it up because of my anxiety and insecurity. I really need to sleep but I woke up with stomach pain and now I just can't stop thinking.

 

always have an open line on here or text if you need to go into something in detail a little less publicly buddy

 

my brain fucking sucks right now

 

Just right now? Lucky!

Feel better

 

i've really leveled out after a roller coaster of emotions last weekend, and i feel phenomenal. the issue is i know myself and i feel so good largely due to perfecting my work week schedule to maximize productivity and feeling good. i fear this three day weekend may be a different story. i have plans tomorrow night and Sunday afternoon, other than that i'm prob just gonna clean the apartment top to bottom so i don't crash lol. alone time at home rarely feels good

 

I am worn the hell out from overbooking myself at work and overthinking things at night.

 

i finally talked to Gina about sex and my dysphoria around it, and i wish it hadn't taken me so long to work up to it. but i had an appointment with a therapist yesterday (different from my usual one, this is to get surgery referral letters) and during the conversation i realized i just needed to communicate my feelings to my best friend. TMI but i missed being intimate with her. so yeah it all worked out heh.

i also filed for two weeks of unemployment and it's quite relieving to have SOME money coming in - i think that's going to help our relationship too. i know she stresses about money a lot - her mom's a reckless spender and it really affected her, she's a big saver, hates having any balance on her credit cards etc. me? i'm used to being financially stressed, so whatever, add it to the pile. anyway. i think i found a dream job, one that might not feel like a job...it's just a matter of making all the numbers work until i can get on full time.

 

you're a good dude with a refreshing attitude, glad to see you working the knots out

 

thank you. it's been quite the journey to even get here. i feel like i have a ways to go still.

 

Idk I'm getting to the point where I really don't think I'll make it through the year. I'm pretty certain that I'm only hanging on for the sake of my mom.

 

I need serious help my brain is fucking broken