Mental Health Thread • Page 177

Thanks @Joe4th, @lish, @ChiliTacos, @Shrek, @SlappinCups, @iCarly Rae Jepsen, @Shakriel, and @colorlesscliche. You all really helped me push through this initial struggle today. Thank you.

 

I feel the same way about my goals. Self-medicating is helpful, but maybe you can work on a balance of "treat yo self" and what can I do to turn around things I don't like about myself? Just a small step is a step in the right direction. Things will fall into place the more you take those small steps. I didn't expect to find someone I'd love as much as I do now. I thought my ex was an angel and I was a damn fool for not working harder to save that relationship, then she got engaged and it hurt, but, somehow, along the way, I found someone amazing who makes me happy things turned out the way they did. I'm sure this can happen for you if you just keep making those small efforts to steer your life in the way you want it to go. It's not gonna happen overnight and that's something I've definitely learned lately. Just work on that balance of a little for short term goals, a little for long term goals and keep yourself happy along the way.

 

thanks boo

 

Glad to hear we're of some help! :)

Always here if you, or anyone else, ever needs to talk and/or rant.

 

This thread has been a godsend today! haha

It's absurd how much I can build up things in my mind to be way more intense than they actually are.

 

I tried haha. Your responses seem much more insightful.

 

hell no, that was very nice, i'm just very bad at accepting praise/advice/compliments/anything hahaha

 

I feel self-conscious about anything involving myself. I can't believe I spilled my guts like I did above haha. I know how you feel.

 

I don't know if I could be in a worse mood than I am right now, holy shit.

 

i smoked, i feel less pissy.

you know, life is actually going quite well right now, even without a full-time job for bill paying. it's when i let my guard down and start thinking about the rest of my transition and the catch 22 of needing FT work and good insurance just to take off several months for surgeries plural that are all very intensive with long recovery periods...that i start to go off the rails. at least i had two parents who were very good at telling me "life's not fair" at every turn, lol.

to be completely transparent, this terrible mood hit its peak when i stepped in cold cat puke and then heard a second cat puking mere seconds later

 

today, my bitterness is manifesting through jealousy. that’s my least favorite. i hate being jealous of others in places i should be supportive.

 

i feel this too bud

 

Exhausted. Worked, then raced home for the interview, which the call went over an hour. Not sure I feel super confident coming out of it. A lot of "Not really" or "I don't know" answers since it's a tech-focused position, though they stressed I don't need the knowledge upfront.

Just so fucking worn out right now from everything. My jaw is the worst it's ever been, which signals I'm not doing real well.

I just don't fucking know anymore.

 

The feeling of emptiness sucks. Even when I'm doing something I should enjoy I'm just not happy. Do I ever truly feel happy? Even for just a moment? I would love to feel genuinely happy even if it's fleeting. And none of that withdrawn depressed stuff I do when it's over. Just normal happiness for one moment with no catch.

 

One of my good friends rode along with me today kind of as a job shadow thing, but partially because we just haven't hung out in a while. It was wonderful, but also I felt like I wasn't doing my job well and by-and-large it's a day-to-day mental thing. Some days I wake up and feel like I'm killin' the game, other days I can't pull the blankets over my head tight enough. Added on top of that is confusion with someone I've always considered my 'what-if' girl and it's dragging me down mentally a lot lately.

 

relating to a lot of this rn

 

Read your sitch in the dating thread and I feel what you're going through bud. Mine is slightly different (never dated) and we hang at least once a week but what I wouldn't give to just never have an urge to connect emotionally with another person ever again. Would make life much easier.

 

i fucking feel ya buddy

 

Despite not feeling I did well in the interview, I heard back quickly that they (I interviewed with the person who'd be my boss) felt otherwise and wanted me to do a second interview (with their boss) next week. Should that go well, it seems like it then turns into having me come out to see the office (and presumably a face-to-face interview or maybe at that point it's a done deal... they were unclear when I was originally told about next steps).

Feeling a little hope/optimism for the first time in a while, but trying not to get my hopes too high up.

 

I love every single person in this thread! You're all stronger and braver than you think.

 

Last night was really bad for me. Probably one of the worst I've had in a while. So tonight instead of sitting at home and stewing in my misery, I chatted with my old coworkers and my old boss. It was nice. My old boss talked with me for a long time and listened to me vent about my frustrations. He also said his daughter is going to run this new mental health facility that's gonna open up and he said if I ever wanted a job there that he'd recommend me. Even if I never do it felt nice that someone believes in me enough to network for me. I felt rly nice and the feeling lasted a few hours and then after being home for a while my stressed and anxious thoughts crept back and the blah feeling is back. I feel so empty and burnt out on life. I want to lay in bed all day and sleep and do nothing.

 

lately whenever i talk about my dysphoria with my girlfriend it makes it worse. fuck

 

Feeling like a complete piece of shit lately and like it doesn't even matter bc nothing is ever going to change for me so why even fucking botherrrr.

 

Not getting any better. Just reminding myself to get thru like two weeks until my counseling appt. Im becoming someone I hate. Everyone keeps asking why I'm frowning or cranky and today i said something rude and snippy and someone was surprised it came from me and I can see myself becoming so unpleasant but not being able to stop it. I just want to feel okay.