''What New The Mysterious Is This?'' - Music Chat Thread [Archived] • Page 230

BTDandFeelingThis · Feb 9, 2018

Dog with a Blog said:

I remember when I first laid eyes on her in 4th grade. For the sake of anonymity, we’ll call her Q. I would go to my best friend Jeremy’s house to hang out and read Calvin and Hobbes books. Then I met his mom and there was one more reason to come over. My attraction to her was instant and I had that old fashioned romantic feeling where I’d give anything to bone her. Over the years, my attraction for her grew, yet, like many childhood friendships, my connection with Jeremy began to wear thin. We started hanging out less and less and by 10th grade we pretty much stopped all contact. There was no bad blood whatever, just a natural drifting apart. Occasionally we’d run into each other and had mutual friends so he was someone I’d still consider a friend, but we had no need to hang out any longer.

Cut to a couple years ago: I’m a manager at a movie theater and I’m just about done cleaning up an auditorium. I look up and there she was. There was Q in all of her glory. It had been roughly 9 years since I had seen her and she had aged like a fine wine. Definitely in her mid 50’s at this point. I recognize her but, would she recognize or even remember me? I hesitate from saying anything but I don’t have to...

“James??? Is that you??”

“Haha, wow. Q? Wow it’s great to see you.”

I don’t remember all the nonsense that was exchanged on that day but I do remember these two very important statements:

When I asked her how her husband was doing, she said, “I don’t know, we don’t live together anymore. We’ve been separated for awhile.”

And

“Well, you’ve certainly grown into a handsome man.”

Ever since that day I started seeing her at the theater a lot and every time, she’d make a point to find me and we’d chat for awhile. My coworkers would always be like, “uhhhh dude so what’s going on with that?”

This friendship continued for a good while. The same (what I perceived to be) flirtatious behavior every time. I specifically remember one time she came up to me from behind and got my attention my resting her hand on my lower back, a definite erogenous zone.

Eventually, I had to break the news to her that I’d be moving to Long Beach in a few months. Her reaction? “Oh my god! I go to Long Beach every summer for work, when I’m there we should grab dinner and drinks.” To which I replied, “Well, I’m not moving for a bit, why don’t we just get a drink sometime before I leave?” And we exchanged phone numbers.

I was amazed at how easy she was to text. Despite our conflicting religious beliefs, she was so easy to talk to about anything. We’d often drunk text each other. It was nice.

July 4th, 2017

I’m at home, and I decide to shoot her a text and see how she’s doing. She tells me she’s just at home doing nothing pretty much and then proceeds to send me a Zillow link to her new place and starts talking about how much she loves it there. She asked me what my plans were and I didn’t have any and she says, “you should come over for a drink.” My childhood fantasy was playing out before my very eyes. I told her I’d be free around 9. Her reply was, to me, was very important and one of the biggest indicators that I was about to have sex with my best childhood friend’s mom.

“You have my address. I’ll be here.”

FUCK. I freshened up, picked up a bottle of Knob Creek Single Barrel. I make my way to her house and she greets me with a warm hug and I make my way inside.

Remember the expectations vs. reality scene from 500 Days of Summer?

She gives me a tour and asks if I want a drink. Of course I do, so she proceeds to pour me the biggest glass of whiskey I’ve ever had. That’s ok, I need something to calm the nerves. She also made me dessert. She’s sitting on her big L couch and I’m sitting on a chair opposite of her. I’m in a tough position because I have to figure out how to end up on that couch without it seeming awkward or unnatural at all. We talk for at least an hour, probably more, and we hear a loud bang outside.

Fireworks.

It couldn’t get more perfect than that. We go outside and are watching them together under the clear summer sky. They weren’t professional grade but it was still nice and the perfect excuse for me to me to get out of that chair and find my way on the couch.

We go back inside and pour ourselves another drink. We’re both a little toasty at this point. She makes us some food and we find ourselves on the couch. I’m sitting on the short end of the L couch and she’s sitting on the long end of the L. Easily another hour goes by and over the course of that hour we have inched closer and closer. She’s opening up to me about her separation and how unhappy she was in her marriage. She had found a new sense of freedom being single and absolutely loved it. I felt we were really connecting. At this point we had moved even closer to each other, on the verge of cuddling, my hand nervously brushing up against hers.

There’s a break in the conversation, and I look at her. Our eyes lock.

This is it. The moment I’ve been waiting for for nearly half my life. I can hear 4th grade me cheering in the sidelines.

I close my eyes, gently raise my hand with which I would cup her cheek, and I go in for the kiss. But my lips were not met with hers.

Instead, she reels back and says, “.....no. I am flattered, but no.”

I’m shook....how did this happen??? I thought all the signs were there. I mean...inviting me...a 25 year old dude..over....”for a drink”...”you have my address....I’ll be here.” ....the touchy behavior...where did I go wrong?

“I’m sorry. I’m a little drunk.”

I wasn’t. But I looked like a fool and didnt know what to say. Figured that would lessen the embarrassment. It didn’t.

It was at this point that I had two options. 1. Explain that I read the situation wrong and leave the fuck out of there or 2. Stay and try to recover from the situation so it wouldn’t be awkward when I’d eventually see her again.

I went with 2, which ended up being a huge mistake. I enjoyed her company, but that experience somewhat rattled me and I couldn’t focus on there. I became filled with anxiety and could think of nothing else but of how much I wanted to leave. It’s now 1 in the morning. Then 1:30. I’m getting sleepy and tell her I have to leave. Before I go she says she wants to show me a YouTube video. Ehhh, what’s the harm in that, why not?

I’m laying with my legs out on the long side of the L couch and she comes and pretty much LAYS NEXT TO ME and rests the laptop so we are sharing it on our legs and proceeds to pull up a 15-20 MINUTE FUCKING SEMINAR ABOUT GOD DAMN MILLENIALS AND TECHNOLOGY AND HOW WE ARE OBSESSED WITH USING OUR CELL PHONES. The irony of course being that the entire time this video was playing I had my phone at my side and was on Chorus lol.

Finally, after what seemed like two decades, the video ends, I give her a hug goodbye, and I leave.

The next day I apologize for reading everything wrong and she said, “James, I think you are very attractive and if I was younger, I would totally be into you but,” and this is the ultimate killer, “when it comes down to it, I have to do what’s right in the eyes of the Lord.”

I don’t even know what that means.

Thanks, god.

There is no god.

We pretty much stopped contact after that. However, I texted her recently and we were both drunk lol. She moved to Chicago. She said I should fly out there and visit her sometime. Not gonna happen.

For the record, I wasn’t like mad that she didn’t wanna have sex. But I was genuinly confused as, based on my previous experience with relationships and sex, she was giving me all the signs that she was into me. Cest la vie.

Bahahahahah good dog

BTDandFeelingThis · Feb 9, 2018

Kennedy said:

I made out with a 30 year old when I was 21 but that’s nothing compared to this

I slept with a 29 year old when I was 21. That story beats me I think

bachna84 · Feb 9, 2018

I don’t kiss and tell

Colin Your Enthusiasm · Feb 9, 2018

@KidLightning Dine Alone Records is a great label btw. Worth discovering.

Artists | Dine Alone Records

Kennedy · Feb 9, 2018

Real talk I wanna know the exact age of Q @Dog with a Blog

littlejohn · Feb 9, 2018

bachna84 said:

I don’t kiss and tell

nobody is asking who you've "kissed"

Colin Your Enthusiasm · Feb 9, 2018

@Dog with a Blog I will read your long post later I promise

Dog with a Blog · Feb 9, 2018

Kennedy said:

Real talk I wanna know the exact age of Q @Dog with a Blog

I don’t know, mid to late fifties. Possibly older??? But I don’t know for sure

BTDandFeelingThis · Feb 9, 2018

bachna84 said:

I don’t kiss and tell

You are a good man my friend.

Neither does @ComedownMachine cause his lady may be lurking and he’ll be in deep shit

Kennedy · Feb 9, 2018

Dog with a Blog said:

I don’t know, mid to late fifties. Possibly older??? But I don’t know for sure

On a scale of 1-10 how much does it haunt you that if you had been a little more patient she coulda potentially made the first move?

littlejohn · Feb 9, 2018

BTDandFeelingThis said:

You are a good man my friend.

Neither does @ComedownMachine cause his lady may be lurking and he’ll be in deep shit

good thing spoiler tags are impenetrable

Dog with a Blog · Feb 9, 2018

Kennedy said:

On a scale of 1-10 how much does it haunt you that if you had been a little more patient she coulda potentially made the first move?

I don’t think that would have ever happened. Once God came into the picture I knew it was game over

littlejohn · Feb 9, 2018

Dog with a Blog said:

I don’t think that would have ever happened. Once God came into the picture I knew it was game over

shoulda proposed first.

Dog with a Blog · Feb 9, 2018

Hahahaha. Dam, yu right.

Hi Jeremy, it’s me, dad.

bachna84 · Feb 9, 2018

littlejohn said:

nobody is asking who you've "kissed"

nobody is asking who people have “slept” with either

Dog with a Blog · Feb 9, 2018

I’m just trying to figure out what people are having for “lunch”

bachna84 · Feb 9, 2018

Dog with a Blog said:

I’m just trying to figure out what people are having for “lunch”

you would despise my answer

Sheaver10 · Feb 9, 2018

Dog with a Blog said:

I’m just trying to figure out what people are having for “lunch”

“Burrito”

Mr. Serotonin · Feb 9, 2018

"NICE"

BTDandFeelingThis · Feb 9, 2018

bachna84 said:

nobody is asking who people have “slept” with either

Chorus after dark.
Anything goes.

BTDandFeelingThis · Feb 9, 2018

ComedownMachine said:

What would you recommend? My tummy has rumblies

Sombreros

BTDandFeelingThis · Feb 9, 2018

ComedownMachine said:

What would you recommend? My tummy has rumblies

Just because

Dog with a Blog · Feb 9, 2018

ComedownMachine said:

What would you recommend? My tummy has rumblies

I dunno, I ate a big breakfast at noon but I have the rumbles too. But I feel like I shouldn’t eat so damn much. I could seriously go for some fish and chips tho

Colin Your Enthusiasm · Feb 9, 2018

ComedownMachine said:

What would you recommend? My tummy has rumblies

Taco or Tacos

Mr. Serotonin · Feb 9, 2018

Both solid options mang

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