Mental Health Thread • Page 176

Yeah, just in time for me to continue to avoid what I've been avoiding

 

I've got some embarrassing shit in my life - I'm around if you need a nonjudgmental listener.

 

I'm really distressed and frustrated

 

thanks!

 

feel better!

 

I'm always around if you need to vent.

 

Okay. Time to get my life in order.

 

i think the sobering realization that got me here is i have failed at literally all of my goals. when i was in high school i was straightedge, hellbent on getting married young, ready to tackle college. now i'm looking forward to getting high tonight to level myself out, am 27 with freshly squashed romantic prospects, and still not in a place to commit to finishing my bachelor's.

it's not that i even dislike where i am. i enjoy life rn. there are big exceptions to that, but there always will be. i am having a hard time adjusting to it, though - going from a house in a nice neighborhood with a beautiful woman who used to love me to the same closet sized bedroom in the same apartment with my high school best friend... feels like regression no matter how i spin it.

i am in two of my best friend's weddings next year and attending a third. it just sucks. at this point i don't even think kids are going to be an option if i were to find the right person. even if i were to find them right now, it would take years to get there emotionally and financially, and by that point i'm 50 when my first kids go to college. for the first time in my life, i don't feel like i have all the time in the world.

 

I just emailed my dad telling him how much of a fuck-up, disappointment I am! Let's hope this goes as well as it can. So much of my anxiety is based on my relationship with him and the pressure I feel not to disappoint him. It's awful.

 

I feel really really sick. Is it cool if I just rant in here? Cool? cool.

 

You're doing great! Huge step. Go outside and take a 5 minute walk, breathe. We got your back.

 

Rant away. Also, totally understand the father/disappointment thing (although for me it may be more of just me in my own stupid head, rather than anything legit...).

 

Gah. It's all about one area in my life--my struggle with school emotionally. My parents had a major conflict with the public school I was at in 8th grade. I was a straight A student up to that point. They pulled me out over their fight with the superintendent and put me in a private school where I never fit in or felt good about myself. That was high school for me. It was absolutely awful. Then I went to college and continued to struggle, dropped out, and came home. A couple years ago, I reenrolled in an accelerated degree program and completed everything for my degree outside of one class, which I Just couldn't get myself to finish. My dog passed away while I was taking it (what a stupid fucking reason, right?) whom I was very very close with and I could just never bring myself to focus. I got an incomplete extension and then never finished the work. I emailed the professor to complete the course, (I feel so stupid for being one class away from graduating), and then started completing the work only for my Dad to have a heart attack. I had told him about the incomplete but made it seem like it was finished and I'd graduate in December, which I didn't, and now I feel like it's all just so fucked. Somehow, the school hasn't failed me in that class, so I'm gonna try to finish the work as fast as I can and put this behind me. My anxiety about the whole thing is just crippling. Absolutely crippling. I was afraid to talk to my Dad, and I'm afraid of pretty much everything at the moment. I'm terrified of even talking to him and I just came clean about everything. Ugh.

 

You have a girlfriend and a dog and I'm sure have accomplished other stuff I don't know about

 

i feel this kind of stuff all too well man. just pound out that last class like your life depends on it and then you never ever have to look back.

 

lol thanks! I guess I've done a few things, but I don't ever give myself credit for them. Not with this hanging over my head. It doesn't seem right. Like right now, I am venting and people are being kind, but I still kinda hate myself for making this thread about me.

 

thanks. You're right. Just gotta grind it out and look to the future. Coming clean with my situation was step one.

 

the alternative to your posts is a dead thread, which helps no one. ranting reminds others they're not alone in their issues

 

I need a drink and a smoke lol. The kicker is that due to his heart attack, we haven't celebrated Christmas yet, so we're doing that tonight and I felt compelled to come clean before we do so.

 

keep charging at it @Ken

 

I'm sitting at work desk crying right now. the charging will come eventually I hope haha

 

separate yourself from the situation a little bit. in a vacuum, you're telling your father you're one class from your degree. that's amazing/great news, surely enough to offset any hypothetical disappointment that comes with a small delay.

 

You're right. I'm still right there. I just gotta fucking do it.

 

You've got this buddy. It sounds like you're taking the right steps right now, and as cliche as it sounds, just take everything one day at a time.

 

Love you @Ken, you're doing the best you can, and I know it's hard as hell right now, but things will get better in time. You coming forward with your struggles and issues takes a ton of strength to do and you should be proud of yourself for doing that. Always here if you need anything.